Cant get what happened out of my head

LegacyUser

Hey.
Girl here. Need advice. Dated a guy for about a month. Due to his assholeness, I broke up with him and he decided to go back and forth and then ultimately ditch me. Hes older. Bit immature. But anyway 4 months down the line, and i still cant get the bad way he treated me out of my head. And of course the "what ifs" . I know deep down, he wasnt right for me in all aspects but you always have that what if id been more patient or less demanding. But it seems looking for human respect proves too much in the society we live in these days. He treated me very bad, especially towards the end and I also found out he was collecting school girls and cheating. I guess its fair to say there was something a miss with him since we were only together a month? And all his past realationships only ever lasted a month or less.
Also, the mess of the "break up" ended up publicised a great deal on his statuses and of course, his rebound girls featured alot. Very hurtful. But, I actually dont know how I could be hurt by someone I wasnt all that into in the first place and only knew for a short space of time? I dont fancy him, anymore but still think about "How could he do that to me!" The cheating and degrading did hurt but surely not to this extend? Worried its going to compromise future relationships and it does hurt my self image. Please help? Thanks guys!

Fentdog84

Just put it down to experience and count yourself lucky that you are still not with him. Feel pity for the other girls who he is jerking around. And dont worry, he will get his comeuppence eventually one way or another, he'll meet someone who will know what he is up to, play him and beat him at his own game.

beano345

hindsight is a great thing,there is no point in beating yourself up about the past op.i know it can drive you mad playing back scenarios and what you should have done and maybe things would have been different now but past is past,obviously he had no regard for you or your feelings at the time.in a while you will look back and be thankful your rid of him.try and let go of the hurt as it will effect your future relationships not every man is like him,and why should you let him effect your happiness in the future.best of luck op

IrishEyes19

Chin up, OP, everyone hits a snag in their relationships at some stage and both men and women meet someone who really takes the biscuit so to speak. As other posters have said, chalk it down to experience and dont worry about it affecting future relationships. Everyone is different, its very hard to move on I know, when you have had a bad experience with someone you once trusted, but because everyone is different, give them a chance. Whoever you meet next likes you for a reason, and show them the real you. Leave the past in the past. best of luck to you

SirenX

block him on facebook.
even though you weren't together for a long time, hearing about all his latest conquests has got to bruise the ego, not to mention the disgracful and disrespectful way he treated you. you best bet for forgeting about this horrid man is to erase him from your life as much as you can. and the first thing you should to is block and delete from facebook, it will stop you comming across any hurtful status' and help you move on with you life.

good luck

Wompa1

Take it as a lesson learned. Move on

PennyLane88

Very similar thing happened to me a few months ago. Thought i had found the love of my life, he made it very convincing that i was the one, and that fun times were ahead.......... only to become very short tempered with me near the end, and eventually broke up with me.

He got back with his ex within a week, and i had to find this out on facebook, very upsetting.

before we broke up, i was very suspicious about his friendship with his ex, and brought it up on few occasions. Thats when the rows started. So instead i used to read his texts, and my heart would sink.

Im still not fully over it, his last words were 'i hope we can still be mates', oh ya so i can just torture myself more.

My only mistake was to believe his lies - and i should have broke it off before he got a chance. I thought i could change him, but nope, he went around sneaking behind my back.

My main issue is that i dont know if i could ever get this out of my head either.

I'm so angry, i would love to let him know how hurt i am, but he'll just think i'm a psycho.

Sometimes i feel like texting him, saying 'hey, how was your day?' But i can't, i need some self-respect, and i'm not going to get it off him.

And yes as you can tell, i am still very bitter about it all, and i'm not sure if i'll ever get over it fully.

How can i trust men after that?

So i know what your going through, and i'm sorry i have no helpful advice.

guitarzero

Id say dont make expectations of people, we all disappoint one another eventually. He sounds like an idiot, start with that. Every thought or feeling you have about him you must refer to him an Idiot.
Often our feelings about people linger because our mind relives the times with that person. This means you have a choice. Choose to not think about him. Whenever you find yourself mulling over him just think of something else thats important to you. Its hard at the beginning but replace the thought of him with something that makes you feel good and shortly you'll lose the emotional impact of the thoughts, soon you wont feel the need to think of him.
If your self esteem has been hit (after break ups it often does) then realize he was being spiteful. Any insults during a break up are often loaded with hate and lack honesty.
So, I hope this helps. Remember, you'll probably find yourself in more relationships so try not make assumtions about ppl next time, its the biggest mistake no matter what your mind dreams up about them.

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm in the same boat as you.

Difference is, you realised in time and walked away, and trust me, that saves a huge heartache.

You've seen he doesn't treat you right, and this will only escalate in the long term.

I kind of knew that about my ex, but was too blind by the "what ifs" and decided to put up with stuff and keep seeing him.

Now we broke up one year later.

For the exact same reasons I had imagined in the first week, that we would never work out together.

Hurts like hell.

Save your time and the headache, and give your time and love to someone else better, who will treat you right. Plenty of fish out there.

Staying longer in a relationship to give the "what ifs" a try only makes you lose self-respect.

And that hurts more than anything else.

Best of luck.