Selfish?

LegacyUser

Sorry for the long winded post, I am just so upset/hurt/angry/confused.

I am currently in the middle of some of the most important exams of my life to date and I have been extremly busy and stressed for the past few months. My OH then decides over the weekend that "we need to go on break" until after my exams. My exams finish next week.

He says as I am so stressed, it is stressing him out and he needs space to see what he wants and to try save the relationship.

I understand that sometimes relationships don't worry but I'm really really hurt by his timing, right in the middle of my exams, he knows I'm quite sensitive and that this would upset me and now I'm sitting here trying to study and I can't concentrate at all. I have been quite worried about these exams, the doctor told me I was suffering from Generalised Anxiety Disorder a few months ago and I haven't been the happy, bubbly person I used to be.

Am I being selfish in focusing on my exams (and not being able to see him as much) and thinking he should be there for me at a time when I need his support the most. I am so annoyed with him that I don't know whether or not I can trust him in the future when I would really need him. Or am I over exaggerating and if he's feeling stressed because of my exams its my fault for making him that way and I should give him the space he needs without being annoyed with him.

Sorry I don't really know what to say, I'm just so confused

Chinafoot

Sorry OP but your boyfriend is an ass. It reeks of attention seeking and drama-llamary because you're so busy with your exams. He's a selfish mong for doing to this to you now. You're finished in a week ffs! If he is unable to see that he should be supporting you through this temporary thing, whether that be by giving you space or being there for you to talk to, then I wouldn't hold out much hope if anything extraordinarily serious cropped up for you.

If he wants to end your relationship he should have waited the week until your exams were over instead of putting this on you now. His behaviour is disrespectful in the extreme.

I know it's tough, but try to put him out of your mind. Focus on the last few exams and once you get through them I'd suggest taking some time for yourself to really think about what you want from this relationship and if he is the kind of man you can depend on.

Emme

Focus on your exams for now and you can decide afterwards if you want this inconsiderate oaf in your life or not. Good luck with the exams.

Taltos

OK - right now only ONE thing is important - your exams.
Focus on those. Get them out of the way and then sort out everything else.
So right now - close this browser, stop thinking about all of the little distractions and do the best you can do.

All the rest of the crap will still be there later to be dealt with if you want.

Best of luck OP.

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for your replies, I know you are right my exams are the most important thing right now it's just so hard not being able to pick up the phone and call him and have fun things planned together for when I am finished. I was so looking forward to getting to see him more and to have these horrible exams behind me.

He obviously has no respect for me to pick such a god awful time and I know I need to focus on study but knowing he is probably just waiting until I am done to properly break up with me is weighing on my mind, I am so upset. I was stressed enough about exams but this is just the straw that broke the camel's back so even though I know I have to focus and that my future depends on these exams I'm still struggling, I'm falling apart.

Taltos

OP

your future is not falling apart.
One part of your life maybe changing. Who knows maybe he just couldn't cope with the stress and chose the absolutely wrong time to vent. At worst yes he does want to break up with you - at best he is an ass and you should consider if you want you life to be messed up by someone like him (ie you break up). Either way - right now why he did what he did or what he is going to do is meaningless in the grand scheme.

In terms of your exams - if you are anything like me I always thought I would fail my exams - and you know what - mainly I passed. One or two I had to resit - but that is not a huge deal. An inconvenience yes - but not a huge deal.

Can I suggest that you just take a few deep breaths and close your eyes everytime you start to feel overwhelmed by it all. As soon as you feel those emotions start to flood you - put down whatever you are doing, imagine a relaxing image in your head - a beach with waves crashing, a forest with the wind gently blowing, a field under a warm sun - then - take deep slow breaths, fill your lungs until your stomach is really pushing out - and hold (2 sec) - then slowly release the breath - all using your nose. Do this for as long as you need until you feel yourself relax. While breathing keep your thoughts on the happy/relaxed image.
Now - turn your mind back to the topic you are studying.
Trust me - everything else will work out the way it was meant to. Having been through the ringer when crap like this happens trust me - it is happening only so that something better can happen later.

It really will be alright - just stay calm and positive.

LegacyUser

Thank you Taltos, wise words.

So I finally finished five years of college yesterday and was so happy. Then he calls me last night and ends things. I am devastated. I was so looking forward to spending time with him without all the stress of exams but he won't even meet with me in person to discuss things. I am so hurt and his timing really is atrocious. I just can't believe he's done this

travellingbid

Hi Op, Just to say the exact same thing happened to me around Christmas Exams a few years back. Apparently I was impossible to be around when doing exams, because I was so stressed so he asked to take a break. He officially ended the day my exams finished.
Yes it hurt like hell. To say I was heartbroken is an understatement. He'd actually asked me to marry him a few months previously and we'd planned to annouce it once I finished that summer.
All I can say to you is cry as much as you like for as long as you like and then throw yourself into your summer, do the J1 if it's not too late. Spend it getting over him and you'll move on.

Wompa1

A break is the cowards way out. Just do your exams and think about it later

Taltos

OP - look at it this way.
Now you have the whole summer ahead of you without this toss-pot. He really has done you a favour here. I know right now you don't see it this way - but in a few weeks/months you will be thanking your stars that he acted like a coward and showed his true colours.

Hope your exams went well - and really - don't waste a second thought on this guy - clearly he is not worth it.

thefeatheredcat

cantconcentrate wrote: »

Thank you Taltos, wise words.

So I finally finished five years of college yesterday and was so happy. Then he calls me last night and ends things. I am devastated. I was so looking forward to spending time with him without all the stress of exams but he won't even meet with me in person to discuss things. I am so hurt and his timing really is atrocious. I just can't believe he's done this

I know what it's like OP have been there twice (LC and college exams) in more or less same situation and it's cowardly behaviour on behalf of your ex. If he couldn't handle the stress of your exams, then he wouldn't be able to handle the stress of life, or be prepared to endure the hard times with the enjoyment of the great times.

So keep this in mind: you have completed 5 years of college and finished your exams, that is an amazing achievement you had completed yourself and despite the stress of the exams and having your ex be the way he was, you managed to get through it. That says a lot of fantastic and amazing things about you, and your ex is the fool here in not being able to see it.

So enjoy your success that you made happen for yourself even when the support you counted on wasn't there and concentrate on bigger and better things for yourself in the present and the future.

tenchi-fan

First, stop worrying so much about the exams. You will function a lot better if you don't worry! Easy said, but it's true.

Second, dump your boyfriend. He's a drama queen.

If I were you I'd find a close friend and book a holiday with her a few days after the end of your exams. Doesn't have to be anything fancy.

When your last exam is finished go for a meal with your family. Then go drinking with your friends. Then go on the holiday. And use that time to discuss with your friend whether you really need that guy in your life.