A particularly nervous learner driver

trizzles

I'm learning to drive at the moment and have had over ten lessons. I've been taught all the technical aspects and right now it should just be a case of making them stick in my head and cleaning up bad habits.

However, I'm an incredibly nervous driver. I was very nervous starting, but after a few bad experiences, such as stalling the engine half way out onto a roundabout and having to slam the brakes after a giddy teenager ran right out in front of me from behind a parked car, I've become a bit of a mess. Even thinking of sitting in a car makes me anxious and after each lesson or practice, I'm a quivering wreck, wanting a stiff whiskey or a cigarette (and I don't smoke) to calm me down.

My instructor and my Dad keep telling me that, while the technique is there, my nerves get the better of me, causing the vast majority of my mistakes. Does anyone have any advice to help me calm down? I'm practicing as much as I can (I work in Dublin during the week without access to the car, so my practice is limited to the weekend and an hour lesson in the middle of the week) so I'm just wondering if there are any other ways to help me feel less anxious about driving. Would rather not have this turn into a complex!

chin_grin

It's like being nervous in any situation to be honest, you just need to stay calm (tough I know!) and think two steps ahead of you on the road.

If you have a mantra or a breathing exercise it could slow your heart and clear your head when you get out on the road. Don't think about how stalling makes others feel towards you. Yes it's annoying, but it's annoying just to you. It takes less than two minutes to get going again just don't let it bother you.

I was extremely nervous starting out. Actually today I had to run to the airport to collect my better half. This was a trial by fire as I've never been there before (driving). But you just say "I can drive, it's just following the rules being aware of other drivers and lane changes and signage".

Don't laugh, but is there any music that you can play in the car to calm you. Some classical or just tunes you enjoy?

Practice makes perfect though. The more you're out and about on your own the more confident you become. As long as you don't become cocky!

Best of luck.

trizzles

chin_grin wrote: »

It's like being nervous in any situation to be honest, you just need to stay calm (tough I know!) and think two steps ahead of you on the road.

If you have a mantra or a breathing exercise it could slow your heart and clear your head when you get out on the road. Don't think about how stalling makes others feel towards you. Yes it's annoying, but it's annoying just to you. It takes less than two minutes to get going again just don't let it bother you.

I was extremely nervous starting out. Actually today I had to run to the airport to collect my better half. This was a trial by fire as I've never been there before (driving). But you just say "I can drive, it's just following the rules being aware of other drivers and lane changes and signage".

Don't laugh, but is there any music that you can play in the car to calm you. Some classical or just tunes you enjoy?

Practice makes perfect though. The more you're out and about on your own the more confident you become. As long as you don't become cocky!

Best of luck.

Thanks for the advice. In regards to music, there probably is some low-key relaxing music I can listen to. I tend to drive without anything playing on the radio/CD player so that I can concentrate but maybe I could play some quietly in the background.

Breathing as well is an issue, my Dad tells me I need to become more aware of my breathing. I also used to have the seat of the car right up against the wheel but my Dad made me push it back, which also feels a bit more comfortable.

Yeah, it's literally a confidence issue now. I really want to get over this nervous stage so I can actually enjoy driving.

chin_grin

"Creative visualisation" is quite good too. I know it sounds hokey, but imagine you're driving down a difficult road, correctly reacting to hazards\changing gear\braking\etc and then you'll realise that when you come against this situation that you have the mental prowess to deal with them.

Yeah, it's not best practice to be right up against the wheel. You should feel comfortable and not have to over-stretch to clutch\accelerate or brake.

And as you say don't have the music on too loud. I think it was after a month and a bit of solid driving that I could put some music on!

softmee

I know exactly how you are feeling. I've had over 15 lessons now and still even just taking the car keys makes me feel sick a little.
But, what i started doing is driving slow distances on my own (with my friend) every day, just around housing estate and to the shop. There is no roundabout or big junction on my way.
Also, i was just like you -every mistake, stalling car or just anything was/is making me feel i just cant do it and i wont be a good driver. I was even thinking i should sell my car and use a bus all my life.
Today i thought i have to stop thinking this way. Forget about mistakes (I mean - learn from your mistakes, just dont think about them too much).
Chingrin is right, its great to think -i can do this, just follow the rules, try to be confident and stalling is not doing any harm to anybody.
I have an issue with beeping drivers behind me- just cant stand this sometimes and every time this happens it makes me feel more nervous and angry. From next time i will try to just ignore them and thats it. :pac:
I know its easy to say, but the most imporant think is not to give up and keep doing it! Best of luck.

starlit

OP, I'm in the same boat as yourself! Have had 10 professional lessons, and dozens of lessons with my accompany driver and haven't made much progress. I know I'm probably moaning myself but have had two different driving instructors so for me I need to change to a different instructor. I have a confidence and anxiety issue when it comes to driving. I see the negative side of it rather than the positive. I think of the worse case scenario and I think ahead a bit too much rather than dealing with the present or at least be prepared and anticipate what might happen I often don't know how to deal with it. With that added pressure and lack of confidence and nervousness adds to my inability to make decisions and correct judgement. I am able to drive but the mechanics of driving gets lost in the process. I suppose I have a fear of driving and when I see danger I panic. I have difficulty pulling out or not conking out sometimes, junctions is my biggest problem other than a few things. I tell myself not to conk out in my head and it happens.

So basically I have to get myself to think about the positives get myself into that frame of mind its very hard to do when frustrated and wanting to do something to perfection. I have been suggested to do breathing techniques to calm down, hypnosis, stop over thinking it when it comes to driving just do it and deal with the situation when it occurs, think positive (rather than depending on public transport and other people for drives, become independent, being able to drive properly and safely etc). Sometimes having family members learning with you is not always best, best to stick with the driving instructor for the main things and just have an accompany driver there with you to practice what the driving instructor has taught you.

Best way to learn is to go off on your own somewhere quiet but I think thats the only way to get over the confidence thing but then again depends how competent you are. Can you drive in your own car or do you need to have a dual control when learning to drive? The more you are driving out on the road the more experience you gain but then again don't rush your learning take your time and do it at your own pace whether it takes weeks, months or years to be good at driving by means of it all coming naturally to you! Its like learning to ride a bike but with a lot more learning involved!

Best of luck OP, remember, take your time learning its not something you can do over night, it takes time for it to all click into place! Try not to feel under pressure. Keep up those breathing techniques and practice practice practice all will stand to you as well as been given proper instruction can save a lot of time and money!

Keep the chin up you be grand. Good luck!

Still only learning myself (test is on Monday) but I've gone from being nervous starting off to being happy enough hopping in the car now. It's not down the number of lessons but really down to the amount of time you spend in the car, getting to know how it works, and just being comfortable being in control of it. So just keep getting out there.

And don't worry about making mistakes, we all do it.

neilboard

I was nervous starting out driving too. Just keep practising! You`ll look back in a month or two and wonder why you were so nervous, it`s all in the pratice.