Need advice really really upset :(

gotcha21

I really really need advice about my relationship

I have been with my partner for 3 years, and up until about 2 months ago I thought everything was perfect! We are both mid twenties and from the start I have been head over heels about him. We shared everything and we both had eachothers email/facebook passwords until....

A few weeks ago I logged into his facebook innocently and noticed he was chatting to his ex gf, in the chat they talked about the night before (he never mentioned to me that he saw her) and he then asked if she would like to meet up for food and a catch up, he also asked for her number! From the chat it was clear they had spent some time together in the nightclub and he had walked her home!

Anyway later that night i met up with him and asked again did he meet anyone the night before or had he any news etc, he said no. I then told him what I saw and at first he seemed shocked and sorry but then he went mad at me and decided to change ALL his passwords and told me I invaded his privacy (even though we both always logged into eachothers fb randomly)

Eventually we sorted stuff out but im still constantly worried he is meeting her on the sly, or texting her and he keeps his phone away from me all the time! Now Ive noticed he is not as eager to see me anymore, i feel like im his last option to meet up with and if i dont make sure that im free on the nights he can see me we prob wouldnt see eachother a lot!

He also doesnt text me on nights out anymore, he used to always send me texts telling me how the night was going or saying he missed me or he got home safe!

I feel like he does things to get a rise out of me, he has even started adding loads of girls on facebook and I constantly worry how he knows them!



Im so upset but I just dont know what to do.. I always thought he was crazy about me but now i feel like he just likes me there when it suits him.

He can be so loving sometimes and tell me that he loves me so much and always will, but all the other stuff contradicts his words!

please help! I need someone to reassure me or give me the push that I need.

John400

Op, very sorry to hear about your situation.

In my opinion, you clearly deserve better.
From your post it's evident that the guy quite clearly can't be trusted, also he's leading you on.

I hope i'm not upsetting you, but in my opinion you're better off without him, otherwise you'll be continually wondering what he's up to. Not good.

I wouldn't have thought much of meeting the ex, but the subsequent behaviour is troubling. A relationship where he is not willing to talk about these things and even deliberately tries to wind you up - how old is he?
I think you are better off apart

gotcha21

Thank u so much guys, u dont know how nice it is to hear opinions even if they are upsetting!

I have always been an extremely easy going girlfriend so if he had told me about meeting her I wouldnt have worried! Its just that he completely left it out and then proceeded to ask her for food although he told me he had no intention of following through with it.

He is sending me such mixed signals at the moment, one minute he tells me he loves me and that im amazing, the next he acts strange! Hes 25!

John400

gotcha21 wrote: »

Thank u so much guys, u dont know how nice it is to hear opinions even if they are upsetting!

I have always been an extremely easy going girlfriend so if he had told me about meeting her I wouldnt have worried! Its just that he completely left it out and then proceeded to ask her for food although he told me he had no intention of following through with it.

He is sending me such mixed signals at the moment, one minute he tells me he loves me and that im amazing, the next he acts strange! Hes 25!

In a nutshell- you deserve better. You need to meet somebody who loves you for you- not his ex-girlfriends.

Also, he has deliberately avoided contact with you. Never a good sign.

IrishEyes19

bluewolf wrote: »

I wouldn't have thought much of meeting the ex, but the subsequent behaviour is troubling. A relationship where he is not willing to talk about these things and even deliberately tries to wind you up - how old is he?
I think you are better off apart

I would think a lot about him meeting the ex to be honest. Id have no problem with it, as long as I knew about it thats all. I wouldn't appreciate it finding out that he was meeting up with her all along with me knowing. If nothing's going on after all, it shouldnt be a big deal. Plus going out for food with her, meeting up, clubbing. That's a bit too close for ex's if you ask me. Its all suspicious. No point being in a relationship anyway if theres no trust there. You'll always be wondering from this point on. Might be wise to start afresh. best of luck

annascott

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Tough as it may be, I think that you know the answer. Read back your own message and you will know what you must do. You are worth more than this. This guy sounds like the sort of spineless creep who won't even finish the relationship and give you closure. Don't waste any more time on him. You cannot change him but you can control your own behaviour. Cut all ties and walk with dignity.

I know that you can't feel it now, but one day this guy will mean nothing to you and it won't hurt anymore. You will need your friends around you now. Good luck.

MissOphelia

Hi OP

He's treating you very badly and as others have said you deserve so much better especially after 3 years.

Two essential things in a relationship are respect and honesty and unfortunately he's not displaying either.

You really need to think of yourself here. It sounds like this relationship has become hard work and you have to ask yourself if its worth it.
Good luck

IrishEyes19

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

I would think a lot about him meeting the ex to be honest. Id have no problem with it, as long as I knew about it thats all. I wouldn't appreciate it finding out that he was meeting up with her all along with me knowing. If nothing's going on after all, it shouldnt be a big deal. Plus going out for food with her, meeting up, clubbing. That's a bit too close for ex's if you ask me. Its all suspicious. No point being in a relationship anyway if theres no trust there. You'll always be wondering from this point on. Might be wise to start afresh. best of luck

It's exactly that it's not a big deal - I wouldn't announce it myself either, probably. That would seem to be making it a bigger deal than it is.
We don't know anything about the ex or how long ago it ended except that it was over 3 years ago. Could have been short term, not serious, just general buddies now.
The problem for me starts at:

Anyway later that night i met up with him and asked again did he meet anyone the night before or had he any news etc, he said no

Still, I think we are agreed that there is a big problem and they're better off apart.

gotcha21

bluewolf wrote: »

It's exactly that it's not a big deal - I wouldn't announce it myself either, probably. That would seem to be making it a bigger deal than it is.
We don't know anything about the ex or how long ago it ended except that it was over 3 years ago. Could have been short term, not serious, just general buddies now.
.

When we got together he told me she broke his heart when she tried something on with his friend on a night out.. they had been together for a year!

Im just home from meeting up with him. I didnt have the energy or strength to bring up anything I cried driving to his house and got in and he asked me what was wrong and I just choked. We ended up just laying on the sofa watching tv and he told me he loved me and said I was being silly if I thought otherwise...


Im so confused again i see a sleepless night ahead of me filled with tears! I know everything you are all saying is right, and usually I would be the one saying similar to friends but I just dont have the strength i understand i should just cut ties and go, but it was so perfect up until now.. i know u all prob think im being ridiculous

Curry Addict

since the facebook incident your boyfriend has been acting differently towards you. there can be a few reasons for this which are hard to work out without further info/understanding. it is his responsibility to communicate with you why he has changed.

you need to chat this out with him and get back on even ground with him.
whatever his issues are will come out in the chat

he has no right to say 'sick of being interrogated', this is passive agressive and unacceptable in the circumstances so dont take it from him.

my gut feeling says the xgirlfriend has reawoken something in your boyfriend. either he wants rid of you but doesnt have the balls or he needs to punish you for catching him out and exposing him as an idiot.

missgroovy21

theres nothing private about fb!!! how would he feel if the shoe was on the other foot??? Id say he'd be jealous. He shouldnt have kept seeing her from you that was unneccesary

see how things play out.....you could always play him at his own game!!!!

End of the day....you deserve better