Hate the way I look

LegacyUser · 14-05-2011 2:09pm #1

The way I feel about myself is spiralling out of control and I just don't know where to start to help myself feel better.

I've struggled with self esteem, body issues & minor depression since i was 19 (i'm 28 now) and only last year I sought help from a professional counselling service. After about 7 months of therapy, I really did begin to feel better about myself- i felt more confident and actually began to feel attractive and good about my body. This time last year, I felt the best I ever have felt.

I then moved away from home, and while the experience has been great, the past 5 months I have really began struggling with the way I feel about myself again. At christmas, I felt great- confident, attractive, sexy etc. I met a nice guy then & started dating him but it ended 2 months later- ended very amicably as well. But since then, my confidence has plummeted, especially in relation to my body issues.

My weight has shot up in the past few months due to binge eating & feeling completely out of control of the way I feel about myself. I hate the way i look & pretty much always have. I'm the biggest I've ever been & I feel absolutely disgusting. I've stopped going out with my friends as it just makes me feel worse about myself- I have to put on an act to show that I'm in great form when really, I want to curl up in bed & not have anyone look at me.

I joined the gym to help me lose weight but I'm so exhausted all the time that I don't use it. I went to the doctor to explain how I felt- I was given a blood test & told that I'm severely anemic which means I'm exhausted all the time. I'm taking tablets to get my iron levels up.
I've started therapy again to help me start to feel good about myself with this but it really hasn't been much use. I'm just the ugly fat one in my group of friends. I can't see any attractive qualities about the way I look- i hate my hair, my face, my body, everything.

I think that, even if I lost weight, I'd still be disgusting and ugly. I just can't see how any guys would find me attractive, even though, logically, I'm sure the guys I've dated did find something attractive in me.

I long to feel the way I did at Christmas and even this time last year- just accepting & good about myself. But then I don't even see the point in trying to go back to feeling that way as they are only ever just temporary states. I don't understant how the way i feel about myself can go downhill so quickly.

I'm sorry for the ramble but I needed to get it out. I don't really feel I can discuss this with my friends

Kanoe · 14-05-2011 4:12pm

Sorry to hear you're feeling down op, confidence is the first thing to take a hit after a break up but all it takes is one little gesture and those levels start to rise again. Maybe find something else to take the focus off how you feel right now and once you're stronger maybe aim for something simple like having a healthier lifestyle. Start formulating new ways of enjoying yourself, eating better, setting goals and achieving them will give you the boost you need to move forward and rebuild your self esteem. It's not easy but if you stick with it you will see results and life becomes enjoyable again.

best of luck

Hate the way I look

Comments