In love with two girls that are best friends and dont want to choose between them

CW862

This has been on my mind for weeks/months and I specifically joined boards to have my dilemma heard. Here goes..

For years I've been good friends with two girls that I go to school with (we're in 6th year now) and they are best friends with each other. I get on really well with both and often on nights out I find myself flirting with both and going a little further than that from time to time.. I've known one of the girls since I was five years old but I only really developed serious feelings for her in the last two-three years, and I'm certain shes in the same boat.. The other girl I've known since the start of secondary school and our relationship has steadily grown to almost daily flirting.. This girl has made her feelings very clear in the past but I gave her mixed messages which blew her off a little for a while, something I regret deeply. Despite this, I can still feel the chemistry between us each day and I know she still fancies me by the way she talks about me and the looks we give each other.. Our mutual friends notice too so im certain its not just me..

Myself and the first girl I mentioned flirt/argue daily about everything and basically play long games of hard-to-get with each other.. All of our friends notice the relationship potential the two of us have, leading one of them to say to me: 'Oh, who else can you bring to the Debs but her?!' which leads me to my biggest dilemma.. I feel that asking one to the Debs (which is coming up fast) effectively rules out my chances with the other because the one I dont ask will be like 'he doesnt like me, he likes her' and as theyre best friends the one I dont ask will just move on.. I cant choose between them and its killing me:(.. Could someone please give me some advice, thanks.

Canluum

First off, the debs is no big deal, it's not a marriage proposal, it's just a party. In your case it's more of a social game that unfortunately (at your age) has to be played. View it as a learning experience... we men tend not to be so intuitive when it comes to these things and have to figure it out through experience.

do you:
a)ask out long known girl, fulfilling everyone's expectations and not disappointing anyone too much?
Or b) go against the grain and ask out the other girl, potentially socially castrating yourself, and making the long-known girl think you're screwing her over?

all things being equal a) seems like the more practical and safe choice. This isn't hollywood, you don't get bonus points for ostracising your friends in a very public no-holds-barred gesture of dedication.

CW862 wrote: »

effectively rules out my chances with the other because the one I dont ask will be like 'he doesnt like me, he likes her

That's not how it works, unless you throw yourself at girl a, get rejected and come up to girl b as your back-up... not cool. If you're still not sure during the debs then just play it cool, remember it's only a debs. Be nice, friendly but picky. Weigh it up coldly later and make a choice. If you decide you'd prefer the other cailín (she sounds like the better lass for you by the way, your relationship with the other one sounds like a hot-n-cold headwrecker) you can fix your worries with a few words like "I brought girl a to the debs because she's been my friend for so many years, but decided there that I didn't want it to happen". Just make sure you come across as the chooser, the decider... she's not gonna be happy being second choice...

Fentdog84

, it sounds like you have more of a spark with the first one and you like her more, ask her. But you probably couldnt ask the 2nd one if she declines, but sure what the heck ask her anyway! If all that fails, make sure there is someone else you could ask. Its no big deal, its just the debs ball,sure its only a bit of fun Or even better what about takin them both? You'd be a legend for life!

Distorted

I'm sure you know this OP, but only you can decide which one you prefer. Fortunate you though to find chemistry with two different people! So what you are asking is which one are you most likely to get on with if you do take things a step further. From what you say, it sounds like Girl 2 really likes you and that is perhaps the reason you like her? (she must really like you if you gave her negative signals and she didn't get put off). Girl 1 seems more the obvious choice but maybe you will find something deeper with Girl 2?

I like the suggestion as asking both of them! You'd need spectactular levels of confidence to carry it off (and discipline so as not to abandon one of them and make sure both had a good time), but its true, you would probably be a legend! And learn quite a lot too.

ps you're not "in love" with them, you fancy them.

prinz

CW862 wrote: »

.. I cant choose between them and its killing me:(.. Could someone please give me some advice, thanks.

If you are to have any sort of future with either of them you are going to face a choice sooner or later, havng your cake and eating it etc. Would I be right in thinking you haven't actually been in a relationship with either? Personally I'd ask a third girl to the debs and think long and hard about which girl you really have feelings for, the potential is there for three friendships to be damaged by what you do next so I'd suggest treading carefully.

LegacyUser

When I was in similar situations at your age, after weighing up chemistry, common interests, stimulating conversation and personality, my decision was always dominated by two factors.

1.) How quickly are we likely to have sex

2.) How much do I want to have sex with her.

And in that order. No matter how I tried to be civilised in my heart this was always the driving factor and I couldn't deny that. Maybe you are more "mature" than I was(probably still am).

I think it's good to be patient and play both, put yourself in good positions without committing and then just play by ear. If they're best friends try and find out how "best friends" they are. Maybe feed one some information and see how it comes out of he other.