Appearing/Disappearing ex..

Glowla

Hey all
K you've prob heard such problems already but i'll shoot anyway.
So i was seeing this guy quite a while ago but we broke up cos of his ambitions to travel etc and he came back last year so we were in contact and hooked up a few times.
Say since around Xmas, he texts me now and again and these conversations hold over a few days then poof he'll disappear then pop up again a few weeks later. I know he's been burnt in the past by an ex who is really not a nice person. His friends tell me he is crazy about me but is afraid of rejection and of being hurt again. Is this possible or is it just a cover up for commitment-phobia in your experiences?!
Also I dunno whether i should initiate contact with him at some points in case he thinks im not interested? but I view it as he appeared back in my life out of the blue so should i let him do the 'driving'? i don't want to push something that may not be there or if he views us as friends to an extent. I guess we're as bad as eachother but i feel we're not at a stage to 'talk' about things.
Thanks!

Glowla

Thank you for your advice Sunflower
You've made some really valid points there and I guess I'm thinking the same way but I won't admit it to myself.

I really like this guy and its annoying to know that he feels the same but acts like he doesn't care one minute and then can't get enough the next!
I need to move on and I feel like i am sometimes...then a text comes through or I see him and its back to square one again!

What kills me is that when he contacts me I'm so happy but then when it lapses or something like that I come down with a bang. I know thats not good...but my heart wins over my head everytime! Still your advice has given me points to think about, thank you

oncebitten

Hi OP, just wondering, since Xmas have you slept with him/hooked up? Or has it just been texting?

thecookingapple

Why wait for someone who makes you wait on them? we are now in the fifth month of this year and this whatever it is has not developed and in my opinion probaly never will.

It boils down to two scenarios

1. He is a nice guy, he likes you but just as a friend.

2. He see's you as a fall back, someone he knows will be there whenever he chooses he ''needs you''.

The second one i feel is more plausible.

At this stage i would be looking at new options, because as sure as there will be morning after night i would say as soon as he is aware that you are interested in other guys he will be running after you. just the way guys like this are.

Glowla

Once Bitten ... Yeah we hooked up maybe twice since Xmas but it was only say foolin around or that, I'm very definite in my intentions ha...only relationships/official partnerships entitle better encounters! :P But he never ever pushes me, that's one thing.

You know even siince i posted this the other day I've felt better about it. I'm super busy with college at the moment anyway, finishing my masters and he knows that so its prob just as well that i don't have distractions!

One thing I am not goin to do is run after him, he initiated the first bout of contact from the start so thats the way I view it and i guess deep down it could be a fallback thing but its just so confusing the way he acts and the way people says he talks about me....that's what gets me.

Firetrap

Best of luck to you. It is hard when you like the person but it does look so much like the behaviour of someone who's just keeping you onside as an option I'm not saying this guy has not been burnt by his ex but it could also be a convenient excuse to play the field without committing. I can only give you anecdotal evidence from the real life experiences of myself and my friends - scenarios like what you have described never go anywhere. If he liked you enough, he'd be contacting you more. Not dropping off the face of the earth for weeks at a time.