Heartbroken -Found out husband cheating, and was trying to have a baby with me...

newmommy38

I will try to keep this post short, Im not sure what to do now. My husband and I were trying to have another baby, we have a 22 month old who is the light of our life. I was on the phone with my father in law who was wishing me a happy mothers day when a text came in regarding getting together to f--ck! I flipped! I looked at my cell charges and they have been sexting back and forth for a while while Im at work and now they are planning a rendezvous until I caught thm. Meanwhile, I may be in the early stages of pregnancy. Im devastated. My husnband and I are going through some rough times financially and healthwise and emotionally but I never in a million years thought he would do this. I really trusted him. He admitted to the sexting (which he did on mothers day by theway) but said he never would have gone through with the sex. I have a hard time believing that, so I called the woman and made her aware he was married and had a baby at home and to stay away from my husband. Meanwhile my father in law tells me my husband never really wanted any more children and just said he did because I wanted them and thats why he just agreed to it. Also that I need to stop nagging and pay more attention to him. I waited late in life to have childeren so I could be sure to prived a stable life for them but that is not all I want out of life. I could have had children a long time ago if that were the case. I was not aware my husband was telling people this. I feel betrayed on many levels and like a fool. I hope I am not pregnant. I am not sure if I should get out now, or tr to fix something that is so badly damaged. I gave my wedding ring back to my husband that he bought me for Xmas. Im not sure what to do now. I wish I could take my son and leave if I were financially able. My husband says he loves me and wants another baby blah blah but Im not sure what to believe. I guess this turned into a longwinded post afterall.

LegacyUser

You poor thing. I am so sorry you are going through this.
I went through a similar thing when pregnant by my husband (before I had done the pregnancy test). I think we have the same father in law LOL, mine said the same thing. My husband did not change and we had to split, but that doesn't mean yours won't wake up and cop himself on.
Wonder if he would attend counselling with you? My son is grown up now and he said recently that he admires the way I went to counselling, he knows I tried every route prior to separating.
Hope you are doing ok and looking after yourself.

Motley Crue

I'm sorry to hear this and you might not believe me now, but you're better off without a man like him and you will be able to raise your child (or children) on your own far better, and far wiser, then with him in your life.

You deserve things in life just as much as him, and it disgusts me that some men have this attitude, and especially that if he didn't want a child he taught he'd just shut up and go along with it. I mean, what kind of future does that give a child, does that mean his father will just tolerate him for the sake of him being there?:mad:

And as for your father in law, you can see where the Son gets his ignorant attitude, you need to be well clear

Also, you say you gave him back the wedding ring he bought you at Christmas, and you have a 22 month old child? So presumably you knew your husband at least 3ish years - did you marry last Christmas, or did it take him 2/3 years to get you a wedding ring?

Distorted

newmommy38 wrote: »

Meanwhile my father in law tells me my husband never really wanted any more children and just said he did because I wanted them and thats why he just agreed to it. Also that I need to stop nagging and pay more attention to him.

What awful people! Just goes to show how bringing children up with poor morals and permitting bad behaviour goes down the generations. Some people will push the boat out as far as they can go if they can get away with their behaviour. Sadly in this case, it sounds as if its become endemic in this family.

tbh I'd want to get away from the whole lot of them and their pile of sleaze but with a family its easier said than done. Your husband would certainly need to get a shock big enough to make him totally change his behaviour and attitudes to make it worthwhile staying with him, because personally I'd be worried about it happening again and being left as a single parent with 2 or more children.

I also think you are right to be extremely sceptical about what your husband tells you. Him and his father both sound as if they will say whatever they need to in order to wriggle out of responsibility, and as if they have no consciences.

Sometimes you think the best of people and then only find out what they are really like later down the line. So sorry for you OP.

metrovelvet

Hmnnnn....

If your husband was ambivalent about having another child surely he should have told YOU this before going ahead and conceiving one, rather than to his cronies after the fact.

This fish is starting to stink of paving the way for justifications when he is not there for his second child or his marriage so when he does act irresponsibly all his two faced friends will give him sympathy and validation for when he does do a bunker or finally break up his family. 'Oh I didnt really want to have a another baby.... I just gave in to keep the peace..' yadda yadda, to paint you as a relentless harpie and him as a passive victim. You can see his dad already doing it.

Go with your gut. It wont guide you wrong. Think about what Distorted said, about the moral ineptitude following through the generations. Do you want this for your son too?

LegacyUser

I have been talking with my husband more rationally- and he says he DOES want another baby. I however, am now not comfortable in this unstable situation. My husband admits he blabs to his parents way too much. His Dad is on the surface a nice guy but has a history of heroin use in the 80's now on methadone and alcoholism. He is often drunk when we call. HE is 65 and still getting arrested for barroom fighting. Unbelievabe. He keeps browbeating my husband into only have the one child and a vasectomy. It seems he feels children are an inconvienience. My husband and I take responsibility for our failures in this relationship. I realize if this doesnt work out after therapy I will sadly end up a single mother shuffling my son back and forth between mine and my husbands home etc... Neither of us want that. Furthermore, when I see my FIL Im ripping him a new A$$(%ole. Anyway, Im off to the Md for bloodwork to see if I am in fact miscarrying.

metrovelvet

If your FIL is an alcoholic you can forget about getting the truth out of him.

Your hubby is the child of an alcoholic, which is its own pathology. Maybe he should check out ACOA and you could read up on adult children of alcoholics to know what you are dealing with any maybe be a little more understanding. It will help you too. You dont know the extent to which one might go to finally get the elusive approval of a parent.

fungun

theringleader wrote: »

I realize if this doesnt work out after therapy I will sadly end up a single mother shuffling my son back and forth between mine and my husbands home etc... Neither of us want that.

This is the most pessimistic outcome. Meeting another man and having a happy reln with him is also a potential outcome! And staying in a miserable relationship is probably worse than all other options.


Id advise one thing: I assume you have had a decent base reln. (Were things ok til now?) You may be pregnant. You may be miscarrying (I hope you are ok!). Your emotions are all over the place. Recognise this and dont do anything major right now in terms of this until you settle down a little bit. You dont know how you might feel in a couple of weeks.

newmommy38

I got a ring after we married 2.5 years later- we hastily got married two months before the baby was born. Im a pushover I guess

newmommy38

Things became troubled between us over time. I became cold and he more needy. Thus the excuse for him to cheat.

newmommy38

Oh Its worse, the dad was a junkie in the 80's, now on methadone and drinks too! He thinks my husband should have a vasectomy. He is no longer alllowed in my home.