Still in love with her...

LegacyUser

I'm not sure whether this should be in relationship issues or not....anyway here goes:

My last relationship ended almost a year ago, it was a mutual breakup as I was moving away for a bit and neither of us wanted a long distance thing. Thing is, almost a year later, I still miss her so much. I've gotten used to not having her around but everyday I think about her all the time - there might be a couple of hours where she doesn't come into my mind but that's about it. I think about her before I go to bed and she's the 1st thing I think about when I wake up. I would do anything to get her back but that's impossible. What can I do to stop this?

What I hate the most is that she's moved on, she's met new guys and here I am, devastated even now. How do I get over her? What can I do to stop comparing everyone I meet to her? I'm at the stage where I don't even want to get close to anyone else because a) they're not her and b) I don't want to go through this heartbreak again with someone else.

It seems ridiculous, that after a year I'm still like this - we were only going about for a few months too. I still love her so much and I can't ever see myself "moving on" fully which will probably lead to more pain in the future. She wants me to visit her when I get back home (which mightn't be for a couple of years, and even then I'll probably only be home for a week or two) but I don't know if I can bear to see her again. It would break my heart again to see her with someone else. We send each other the occasional email but I think even this amount of contact is too much for me but I'm trying to keep it up for her sake. What do I do?

kend85

Im in the same boat myself at the moment!! Its a horrible place to be,im about 8 months down the road so not quite a year but i can relate to how you feel. I have good days and the bad days but how i try to deal with it is to keep busy try be around positive friends and try keep an open mind in meeting other girls. I was full sure i wouldnt find anyone would could compare to my ex but after a few dates i realised it was crazy to thnk that!!! It takes time but trust me it gets better,its ony now im seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and i was in a bad way!! Best of luck

LegacyUser

i think you answered your own question op,unless you can see her as friend,your only fooling yourself,i think your being played along unintentionally,i think it falls into friends with ex category,some people can do it,i for one can't.

If you can't accept her as a friend,for your own sanity cut her out of your life and move foward with yours,another will come along.

beks101

Hi OP.

You mentioned that you moved away. I also made a move a few months ago and have found that, although I now have a great life abroad and have landed on my feet, I've become quite introspective and nostalgic about past relationships. Maybe it's the occasional loneliness and isolation and getting used to an unfamiliar set of cultural norms etc...that often times makes me think about the good and not the bad times that I've had with exes of mine, one in particular really who I'm still in contact with. In a sense it is a grass-is-greener syndrome, as ultimately we broke up for a reason - as did you and your ex - and the very fact that she has moved onto other guys and is getting on with her life is proof that breaking up was the right thing to do.

I'd echo what Sunflower has said about the no-contact thing - it's going to be virtually impossible to not think about her and hold out hope that you'll get back together some day, as long as you're keeping up the regular emails. Forget about her needs - she has moved on with her life, you don't need to worry about her - it's time to worry about what's best for you right now. Delete her from facebook and stop emailing, as awkward as it makes things to do that - I think you have to be very strict with yourself here if you're going to make a proper stab at getting over her. Maybe in time you can resume contact, when your head is in a better place, but right now, I think it's paramount for you to take a break from her in every sense.

Secondly, what has helped for me is to find something to focus on, a set of goals that I want to achieve over here, and let that become my new 'project', so I have less time to pine for himself back home. I'm lucky in that work occupies a lot of my time and I've also started training quite hard in the gym, which has boosted my confidence and my mood a hell of a lot. Dating...I did it tentatively when I first arrived but in a try-hard effort to quickly move myself on from the all-consuming thoughts. I would suggest taking time now for yourself to get your new life in order and work on your confidence, dating will follow on from that.

I know it feels like you'll never meet anyone 'like her' again, but trust me, we've all been there and there are dozens of potential girlfriends out there for you who you can click with on the same level, once your mindset changes and your ex takes a backseat in your mind, you'll be in a much better position to start finding them!

Best of luck and most of all, remember that you're not alone

LegacyUser

Make her hate you.


I was the same, massively in love even after we'd broken up, i had another girlfriend (who im with now) but i still loved her.



I was always thinking ''Oh what if...''



So i burnt any and all bridges by telling her about the times i cheated on her (I was a bit of a Dick, really, but whatever) and now she wants to claw my eyes out. It worked a charm. Theres no chance of us ever getting back together, and ive moved on, and im super happy.

Of course im a bit of a **** up, so this unorthodox method might not work for you.
In that case, time is a great healer, cliche as that is.