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The Situation I Have Found Myself In

  • 10-05-2011 1:05pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Up until I met my boyfriend I had been single for quite a few years, travelling etc but to meet someone really special was all I wanted. I got a new job in a new town and then I met a guy and thought everything was finally fitting into place.

    It's now over a year later and we are living together and things are not so great. I have insecurity issues for several reasons and I am seeing a therapist. My boyfriend was a barman when I met him and he'd mention about women hitting on him etc and it was a struggle for me but I love him so got on with it. Then one day my bf left his job saying he did it for me cos he saw that it was hard for me. I didn't ask him to do it and thought he didn't think it through fully but he's stubborn and wouldn't listen.

    It is now 10 weeks later and no sign of another job. He has become depressed andis blaming me for it all. He is quite controlling too. When I mention a girl's night out it causes a fight saying he's driven mad thinking of the attention I will get. I said no to a trip away because he said that it was unfair that he's broke and unemployed and I could go away on a trip, that I'm so inconsiderate. Today a friend of mine told me herself and her husband bought an apartment in Spain and invited me out for 4 days in June with 3 other friends. I told him and he went mad saying go because we will be over by then so it doesn't matter and that they are not welcome in HIS home if they can't invite him. He said he can't do it anymore, that he gave up a job for me and I do this.

    I love this man, we have built a life together but I've spentso much time crying lately. I want to help him through this tough time and come out the other side a stronger couple but he just bickers and throws stuff in my face. I'm patient because I love him and I want to help him through this tough time but I feel I'm giving up so much and losing myself. This is all I wanted and I'm afraid of being alone again. I'm 29 and not getting any younger. I hate the thoughts of him finding anyone else as I don't want anyone else.

    He's at a confirmation today while I'm at work and he texted me at 11 saying 'I'm done' and then switched his phone off. I feel sick and scared and angry all at the same time.


Comments

  • #2
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    OP - he is bullying you and making you feel responsible for his choices and mistakes.

    Personally my gut screams at me that you need to leave and focus on your own therapy.
    This guy sounds like too much hard work - and right now you cannot afford to be distracted from getting yourself well..

    We all make mistakes - maybe he was yours...


  • #3
    Neyite
    Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    He is an adult. He chose to leave his job - probably because he was fed up with it, and conveniently decided to blame you for it. Now he is throwing a strop because he has no money and is punishing you for it.

    What are you doing with a child like this? He is a manipulative bully.
    A relationship should not be this much work or heartache. It should make you happy.

    By the way, I was 29 when I decided to cut my losses in a disaster of a relationship that sounds a lot like yours, worse in some instances. I met the love of my life about 8 months after that, and we are still together. Dont spend these crucial years with a waster when your perfect partner could be waiting in the wings.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Jeez Girl, life's too short to have emotional baggage hanging off you like that.

    He's a bully. Fast forward 20 years? Do you see yourself still being 100% submissive to his childish behaviour?

    I'd bet a pound to a penny he didn't leave the job because of you, but you're a convenient excuse.

    Get out and live your life. There's a gentleman out there for you, a man who will treat you properly, (not like this jerk). Go and find him.


  • #5
    Milky Moo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 577 ✭✭✭Milky Moo


    In 20 years time you will look back on your life and will see all the nights out, trips and more then likely, as it progresses, things as simple as a cup of coffee with friends that you have missed out on.

    He is telling you what to do, and forbidding you to go places. Why is that ok with you?

    He more then likely quit his job for his own selfish reason and conveniently is passing the blame on to you. He is being very manipulating!

    Focus on yourself, get yourself into a good place.

    Someone that loves you wouldn't make an issue out of having some fun with friends, or sulking when you want to get away for some me time!


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