Most useless person you know at fixing cars?

Daegerty

I know someone who paid 300 GBP for a years RAC membership just so he could get a new battery for his 407 SW. It was cold weather, the battery would probably even have been grand if taken inside and charged.

There are two places he could easy have gone to on the train in 10 minutes to pick up a new battery, but no had to pay for a few lads to come out and fix it. He wasn't particularly busy either, and certainly not stupid actually an engineer but just useless with cars, never the slightest bit interested in them I suppose. anyone got similar stories?

Seth Brundle

£300? On which package?
And I'm surprised that the likes of the RAC or even AA would replace a battery!

Daegerty

kbannon wrote: »

£300? On which package?

No idea but it probably included the price of the battery

slinky2000

Aa replaced my brothers battery last ear but they charged him for it!

Chuck Stone

A lot of people's understanding of cars amounts to

I has a car, I put petrol in, it goes.

If you said 'suck-squeeze-bang-blow' they'd probably charge you with sexual harrasment.

Anan1

Daegerty wrote: »

I know someone who paid 300 GBP for a years RAC membership just so he could get a new battery for his 407 SW. It was cold weather, the battery would probably even have been grand if taken inside and charged.

There are two places he could easy have gone to on the train in 10 minutes to pick up a new battery, but no had to pay for a few lads to come out and fix it. He wasn't particularly busy either, and certainly not stupid actually an engineer but just useless with cars, never the slightest bit interested in them I suppose. anyone got similar stories?

Some people have zero interest in cars, and are happy to pay a premium for the privilege of not having to think about it. We all do it in certain areas, just generally not with cars.

Owen

My siblings. I could post some stories, but I'd probably be permananned for taking up too much space on screen.

L1011

My mother drove for a prolonged period of time with the temperature gauge in red on a 1.2 8v Punto = head warped and was never really right even after being repaired. She didn't know what the light meant so thought it was ok....

Anan1

Anan1 wrote: »

Some people have zero interest in cars, and are happy to pay a premium for the privilege of not having to think about it. We all do it in certain areas, just generally not with cars.

+ 1, I know and work with loads and loads of engineers that wouldn't attempt to change the oil on their car, many of them wouldn't tackle a bulb. Some of them would tile the bathroom handy enough for you though, I never had an inclination to do so.

samsemtex

My friend paid 2 different guys to get the tracking done on his IS200 as it "keeps pulling to the left, its ****ed!"

The car was 100% fine and it was just the camber of the road.

He also pays mechanics to change bulbs. Doesnt know how to push/jump start a car.

Doesnt know anything about anything practical really.

Reloc8

I was going to nominate myself.

I can change a tyre, change a bulb, jump start it, top up fluids and that's it. It gets serviced per manufacturers spec and for anything else over and above the foregoing its going to a mechanic. Or one is coming to it.

Doesn't mean I don't have an interest in cars but eh I view it along side my interest in my brain and also rockets as regards the hands on side of things.

ps I forgot I can also change the wiper blades. I am more of a greaseamoeba than a greasemonkey.

Leonard Hofstadter

I'm useless as well, changing lightbulbs are about the height of my mechanical skills:o!

I'd know if there was something wrong with my car though, and what all the warning lights etc are for, but I wouldn't have a clue how to fix a car though!

Run_to_da_hills

A mate of mine's mother decided to take on her own service on a Renault 5 back in the 80's when you could actually get at things under the bonnet. She ended up pouring water into the rocker cover and oil into the expansion bottle.

Owen

Run_to_da_hills wrote: »

She ended up pouring water into trhe rocker cover and oil into the expansion bottle.

That happened to a nearly new 3 Series coupé where I worked back in 05. She didn't put water in the engine, but it didn't do the car any favours to have a lot of oil circulating around in the cooling system.

Mint Sauce

Okay, not quite a nomination for myself, I wouldn't know how to push/jump start a car my self, as I have never been in the situation where I have had to, but am sure if I was ever in the situation, I would know for next time.

But I currently replace the bulbs, top up the fluids (still get the annual service), replace the wipers, can change a wheel and know to the check the nuts if any work has been done, have repalced a broken fog light unit, and reconnected a dislodged gear linkage after I seen a similar problem on my uncles car.

I now also know where the CV boots are, and know how to secure the battery as both failed the NCT.

What i'm saying is, if any issues are discovered with the car, I try and learn a bit about it my self, and if can be fixed/replaced by my self, I will do so. Anything complicated or I dont understand, I will either go to a mechanic or my uncle, and if I go to him, he will more than likely get me invloved to help him or instuct me on what to do keeping his hands clean.

Run_to_da_hills

Run_to_da_hills wrote: »

back in the 80's when you could actually get at things under the bonnet.

Much the same as now so really :P

shogunpower

RoverJames wrote: »

Much the same as now so really :P

diagnostics laptop in hand of course:p

biko

Daegerty wrote: »

Most useless person you know at fixing cars?

My mam.

Mr Benevolent

It's the same with computers. I regularly get called out to fix PCs etc by people and it's always something they could've fixed themselves by spend half an hour online. It's nice to be paid €40 an hour though, even if it is only a couple of hours a month.

Dartz

*Looks in a mirror*

I wouldn't be able to do half the things mentioned in the DIY forum... but would probably still attempt them anyway, get halfway through, finish in a hurry and end up with either a few parts left over, or some weird glitch that seems absolutely inconsequential at first.

But sure, a slightly leaky O-ring never killed anyone right?

stealthyspeeder

I saw the boards user Eric Cartman once try to fix the temperature fan fuse on a BMW I think it was... he had the lights going, the horn on and about everything you could imangine goin on and off here and there except the heating fan!

Was mighty funny though!

BlackWizard

I'm a disaster when it comes to dropping objects into the engine while working on it

mondeo

I use to do servicing on my own cars all the time. I dunno what happened though but I find myself paying someone 200 quid to change oil,plugs& filters these days. I have to get back into my stride!

keithclancy

This guy:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=65273862&postcount=26

ZENER

Not sure if it was on Boards.ie I read it but a while back some lad sought advice on motor factors to buy service parts from. Anyway he came back a couple of days later enquiring how he should install the Spark Plugs. Sounds reasonable except the car was a diesel !! The motor factors had sold him the plugs even though he told them it was a diesel

I like dabbling about with cars myself but I'd draw the line at clutches or head-gaskets. Replaced all the ball joints and stabiliser bars and track rod ends on my car recently and last year even managed to do the timing belt !!

A colleague in work told me head in hand that his wife decided to check the fluids in her car, decided that she didn't like the look of the "rusty water" in the brake reservoir and replaced it . . . with water !! Though fair play to her, she managed to bleed the system perfectly !!

Ken

kona

So what if hes a engineer. Engineering covers everything from Software to Mechanical. Even mechanical engineers are told more about cosines and Theorems than how to use a torque wrench.
The guy probably has no clue how to replace it and didnt wanna **** it up. As hes probably not short of a few quid why should he risk it??

I think its mad paying somebody to replace bulbs/batteries/blades but they probably thing Im mad freeing my ass off in the pissing rain changing a CV joint or something. In a way they are right.

kona

ZENER wrote: »

I like dabbling about with cars myself but I'd draw the line at clutches or head-gaskets. Replaced all the ball joints and stabiliser bars and track rod ends on my car recently and last year even managed to do the timing belt !!



Ken

Give the head a shot next time

michelledoh

My mother was trying to teach me how to jump start my car when she banged the two metal parts off the cables together and caused a lot of sparks to fly. In shock she dropped them right in a puddle and ran away. Not only is she bad at fixing cars but she's dangerous at it too!

_Kaiser_

Well I'm in IT so can handle computers/servers and what not, but wouldn't be much good with the car - I get her serviced on time at a main dealer (well ok, this time it's a bit late due to funding constraints ) and I get any persistent warning lights etc checked out

I can (just about) change the bulbs - feckin VW make it so awkward on the Passat though! - top up the oil, change the wiper blades etc but I don't have the VAG-COM software or the skills to make use of the "hardware end" so I don't even try.

Delancey

My brother who like me drives an Alfa 147 ignored the oil warning light for 3 weeks because '' it only came on when cornering or on roundabouts '' .

My mother had had her licence since 1970 - in that time she has never learnt how to put petrol in her car.

Another brother ( who is very mechanically -minded ) got a call from a friend with a car problem. My brother correctly diagnosed the car needed more oil and told his friend to put some in. Phone rings an hour later and friend says the oil is all over the engine and driveway - the dickhead was attempting to top up via the dipstick shaft :eek:

kona

kona wrote: »

So what if hes a engineer. ...............
I think its mad paying somebody to replace bulbs/batteries/blades but they probably thing Im mad freeing my ass off in the pissing rain changing a CV joint or something. In a way they are right.

In fairness changing a car battery is fairly simple. Engineers, regardless of their field are supposed to be thinking folk who can problem solve etc.

Anan1

RoverJames wrote: »

In fairness changing a car battery is fairly simple.

It is fairly simple, but it's also possible to fvck up fairly badly! If i'd no interest in cars, I think i'd leave well enough alone.:)

^^^

True, I had to change my own on Stephen's morning, if I was able to jumpstart her I'd have happily let the tyre place I bought the battery from fit it as the price was the same take away or fitted :pac:

Anan1

RoverJames wrote: »

^^^

True, I had to change my own on Stephen's morning, if I was able to jumpstart her I'd have happily let the tyre place I bought the battery from fit it as the price was the same take away or fitted :pac:

If truth be told, I still get a little bit stressed when changing/charging/jumping batteries. I triple-check everything, and even then i'm kind of holding my breath when I make the connection.

kippy

I sometimes compare people "fixing/Servicing" their own cars to people fixing or servicing their own PC's.
We all know that with a bit of time/research and a few youtube videos one COULD do relatively straightforward maintenance tasks on both however you need to have a bit of "base" knowledge to build on even doing this. You also need a bit of confidence and time. Most people prefer to pay someone who is doing this all the time.
I can just about replace a bulb/fuse/blade/change a tyre because I have done all of those things at least once - after that I havent tried anything and I dont think I will start although I would love to be able to service (basic) my own car - it cant be that difficult but spending the time, buying the few bits of equipment and more importantly finding the space to do it (Parking spot is tight on a hill in front of the house - all end up putting me off.
Theres a nightclass nearby in the GMIT that covers some car maintenance - I a m sure the course fee would be well spent.

kona

RoverJames wrote: »

In fairness changing a car battery is fairly simple. Engineers, regardless of their field are supposed to be thinking folk who can problem solve etc.

Ive seen what some "Engineers" are capable of. The guy was right not to attempt it IMO. Sometimes being a engineer entails knowing when your out of your depth instead of giving it a lash jack( the guy may also have been just lazy!). Although I do find it sad that these "Engineers" are being paid silly money and many dont know how to use a spanner. Theory is fantastic but its useless without practicle experience. Thats why a graduate engineer gets **** all until they get experience.

kona

kona wrote: »

Although I do find it sad that these "Engineers" are being paid silly money and many dont know how to use a spanner. Theory is fantastic but its useless without practicle experience. Thats why a graduate engineer gets **** all until they get experience.

Not wanting to go off topic but there are not many non team lead / non managment staff engineers on silly money

dirtydiesel

Guy I bought a van off last week! he was a nice guy but didnt know anything about the mechanics of the van.
Battery was weak as the van was parked up a while, it was on a hill so I said I would push and he could start it on the hill, I pushed and when I shouted try it now, he turned the key, not quite what I had in mind:D:D

Tea 1000

ZENER wrote: »

A colleague in work told me head in hand that his wife decided to check the fluids in her car, decided that she didn't like the look of the "rusty water" in the brake reservoir and replaced it . . . with water !! Though fair play to her, she managed to bleed the system perfectly !!

Ken

If she thought it was water, how the hell did she conclude that it was related to the brakes in order to bleed the system? I'd say she more managed to get the brake fluid out the top with perserverance than actually go about sucessfully bleed the brake system without copping that brake fluid was needed.

Yeah, she hardly drained the brake fluid out of the brake lines and bled etc.

kona

RoverJames wrote: »

Not wanting to go off topic but there are not many non team lead / non managment staff engineers on silly money

Qatar, Middle East ,Australia, anything involved with getting oil or energy and your looking at mega bucks. If your talking about Ireland, your right its pathetic the pay.
Slave through 4 years for what seems at best e20 a hour.

kona

Back on topic, most people are useless with cars IMO. Celtic Tiger killed all that. Everybody has a degree and everybody works in an office. Nobody wants to (or needs to in fairness) mess around with heavy mechanics.

You hear all the **** talk in a pub from "car enthusiasts" Talk to them about injection timing or cam timing and they just say "Veyron".
:pac:

kona

LIGHTNING wrote: »

But everybody has the area of "expertise" If I was to tell some people to restart the Windows Security Centre service to get their windows firewall working they would look at me like I am speaking spanish. Its simple to me not so to a non-computer person.

Thats what I said earlier. However years ago when cars where alot less reliable, knowing basic tricks to get a car going and changing a tyre went hand in hand IMO. I find alot of the older generation know alot more about vehicle mechanics than younger people.

If you cant change a flat you shouldnt be driving, If you cant put petrol in your car you should be in a padded room. Its really basic.
Its very easy to blow yourself skyhigh fitting a battery, all it takes is something to bridge the + and - and it goodnight, even a small battery for a 1.0 petrol would bend a Chrome Vanadium spanner.

People should know their limits, but there are somethings that are essential. Bulbs blades and flat tyres, petrol an engine fluids are really really basic and very essential.

Chuck Stone

A friend I used to hang out with back in the day told me* that he was hitch-hiking and got a lift off some old fella who was driving along at crusing speed in 4th gear and wasn't changing into 5th.

Well this was going on for a good few miles and eventually my friend said

'can I ask you why you're not putting her into 5th gear - is it faulty'?

The old fella says

'What? :eek: she has a 5th gear!?'


*may not actually be true

Muckie

Worked on a chaps car, he said the cars steering was "funny" not quite
right could i check it, he'd topped it up with some water. The day before.

Cousin once rang to say their was an oil can light on- what do i do.
Told him to added some oil.

He filled it up, right up to the cap!
then arrived at our yard. Same mess under the bonnet.
The Aunties Nissan Sunny wasn't the same afterwards. :pac: