Not tonight, I've got a headache...

GoldCobra

I'm sure we've all heard this at some stage, I've been thinking about it a lot lately, as I've gotten it recently. :pac:

How often do you get it? how do we deal with it?

Recently I had it and it made me a bit insecure, rejections never nice...but I got to thinking when is it "I'm just not in the mood" and when is it they're not in the mood for a reason, how do you know which is which.
I've noticed i get a little grumpy when sex isn't on the cards and i wanted or expected it.
I suppose we just have fap or have a cold shower?
Manpigs that we are "never not in the mood" or is that just me?

racso1975

Get the fluck out of my head and stop posting my thoughts and insecurities

18AD

Apparently sex cures (or is helpful with dealing with) headaches.

FACT: http://www.surfwedding.com/10reasons.htm

I somehow doubt that would help your situation anyway. :pac:

Count Duckula

I've actually been the one with the "headache" more often than not in my relationship

Doesn't happen very often on either side, mind you...

You just think "there's always tomorrow" and go to sleep with a smile.

Maguined

I think 90% of the time it's not a head ache and just a "not in the mood" which annoys me as I wish the other person would just tell the truth and say "i am not in the mood" as that doesn't bother me while feeding out a crappy rubbish headache excuse is annoying and is a bit of an insult to me.

Praetorian Saighdiuir

Just stock up on Paracetamol......................when she says it again, whip the packet out.

At least it will stop the lies.

GoldCobra

Maguined wrote: »

I think 90% of the time it's not a head ache and just a "not in the mood" which annoys me as I wish the other person would just tell the truth and say "i am not in the mood" as that doesn't bother me while feeding out a crappy rubbish headache excuse is annoying and is a bit of an insult to me.

Thats kinda what im saying, generally its ive got headache, but there are other excuses for not being in the mood, but why can't they just be upfront about it;

IrishEyes19

I think its genuinely because as women we might feel saying I'm not in the mood would somehow translate as you haven't got me in the mood tonight!! Though I agree, telling the truth would probably save a lot of insecurity time!! Though there genuinely could be a headache too

pragmatic1

Wouldnt make me insecure unless it was the same story all the time. Also, I'd rather not have sex than have sex with someone who wasnt into it. The headache line is corny though.

Maguined

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

I think its genuinely because as women we might feel saying I'm not in the mood would somehow translate as you haven't got me in the mood tonight!! Though I agree, telling the truth would probably save a lot of insecurity time!! Though there genuinely could be a headache too

True there could be a genuine headache but like the boy who cried wolf you don't know when its the truth if it has been used regularly as a lie.

Like others it would not make me insecure at all, sometimes people are not in the mood and that is just the way it is, it would bother me more that my girlfriend is not being honest with me and resorting to a petty excuse rather than the truth.

GoldCobra

GoldCobra wrote: »

I'm sure we've all heard this at some stage, I've been thinking about it a lot lately, as I've gotten it recently. :pac:

How often do you get it? how do we deal with it?

Sex is a privilege not a right, so I deal with it by just building a bridge and getting over it. It does not happen often that I am "up for it" and one of the girls is not so it is not something I have to deal with often. Warning bells should go off when you find yourself using words like "expect" in relation to sex.

Being insecure over it is not helpful though for a number of reasons. Firstly, more often than not it is not your fault or anything to do with you. The other half simply does not want to do it right then, that is all. There is no reason to expect people to get hungry or tired or to need the bathroom at the exact same moment you do. So why should there be a reason for them to want sex at the same time you do.

Secondly, the more insecure you get over it the more your behaviour is in danger of being altered by it. You risk becomming moody, or changing how you treat the other half because of it... and more often than not such changes are such that it reduces still further the desire of the other half. This of course means you are now in a spiral where the reaction to the problem worsens the problem which worsens the reaction.... you get the picture.

If however it is happening more and more and there is a noticable and very real decline in your sex life over a extended period of time then there may indeed be a problem worth exploring sooner rather than later. The longer problems are left the harder they are to deal with. A reduction in a sex life tends to be a symptom of a problem, rather than a problem itself. Diet, health, stress, problems in the relationship... there are many explanations and it is worth exploring them with your other half openly and without recriminations or accusations. Many of the problems may in fact have literally nothing to do with you.

Azureus

Girls view on this-hope yas dont mind!
Sex definately does cure/help a headache. On the rare occasion Ive used the line, it being true at the time, I get coerced into it anyway and end up feeling fantastic afterwards. Now I can never use 'I have a headache' as an excuse though

Sometimes either party is just not gonna be in the mood-ya gotta not take it personally. I got an excuse this week when I hinted what was on my mind and inside was hella offended at the rejection of my offer, but it happens. Nothing walking around in skimpys didnt fix fairly fast the next day

oompaloompa

Another girl hi-jacking this thread!

I never use an excuse for not having sex.... I'm usually the one putting the effort in if he's using the headache card...

If he's not in the mood he should just say it.... and then I'll work my magic and put him right back in the mood

A lot of women who use the headache card just haven't shaved or something and they're conscious of it I'd imagine

stupidusername

I don't know really, but do people really use this excuse?? is it not more just something we're led to believe by programmes? I've never used it anyway. but then I'm horrifically honest so whether or not he wants to hear the truth, he's hearing it.

Galvasean

Never got the 'headache' excuse but i have gotten the 'time of the month' one. I usually take note of what time of teh month it is in case they try use it again at a different time of teh month. :pac:

Otis Driftwood

stupidusername wrote: »

I don't know really, but do people really use this excuse?? is it not more just something we're led to believe by programmes? I've never used it anyway. but then I'm horrifically honest so whether or not he wants to hear the truth, he's hearing it.

Hows that working out for you?

:rolleyes:


Honesty is one thing,being rude about things is something else entirely.

stupidusername

Galvasean wrote: »

Never got the 'headache' excuse but i have gotten the 'time of the month' one. I usually take note of what time of teh month it is in case they try use it again at a different time of teh month. :pac:

Did it ever turn out to be an excuse?

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

Hows that working out for you?

:rolleyes:


Honesty is one thing,being rude about things is something else entirely.

never said I was rude about anything. of course being rude and being honest are different things!

I_am_LOST

Wow didn't realise people 'expected' sex so much!

Whether it's a headache, time of the month or just not in the mood, does it really matter? If someone wasn't in the mood would you prefer they just 'get on with it' and have sex anyway? Pretty shocking if so!

I agree though, that people (men or women) shouldn't use excuses for it and just tell their partners out straight that they're not in the mood or too tired or whatever. I don't think it's any cause for offence

Otis Driftwood

Well if someone is horrifically honest about everything that sounds pretty damn rude to me.

stupidusername

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

Well if someone is horrifically honest about everything that sounds pretty damn rude to me.

hmm, well maybe you've a different idea of honest to me. I just mean that I would never make up something. I assume that if someone asks a question, they want the answer - the honest answer.

Otis Driftwood

Horrific

Adjective -

Causing horror; terrifying.

Thats how you are honest?

As Ive already said,honesty is one thing,delivering your honesty horrifically is something else entirely.

Maybe you should choose your words better in future.

stupidusername

Jesus, sorry, didn't realise everything had to be taken literally.

TangyZizzle

Iv never been given this excuse. Iv given it though..

craggles

Stop being so pedantic Driftwood, ****ing hell.

Otis Driftwood

If you have a problem with it then report my posts and the other mods or Cmods will look at them.

TangyZizzle

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

If you have a problem with it then report my posts and the other mods or Cmods will look at them.

What a silly thing to say. You're not breaking rules and you know it. You're just being annoying, but you won't stop.

Cicero

I've got a headache now...:(










:P

ah cheer up boys and girls....there's a lot worse going on besides this thread...like the Govt's plan to train 20,000 people for jobs that don't exist...

anyway...back OT.....few articles here linking low libido in women to headaches...
http://www.womenslifelink.com/womens-low-libido-headaches-chronic-pain/

One notable theory stated that migraineurs had significantly low levels of serotonin or (5-HT), an important hormone in the body that helps one feel happy, fall asleep, and even desire sex. So, if this is true, does this mean that many women are actually suffering from an inactive libido due to low serotonin? Possibly.

Because I suffer from migraine and chronic daily headache (CDH), I understand how the body can shun anything sexual while dealing with chronic pain. The cavalry has no time and energy for a party when they are engaged in a gruesome battle. It may not even be the headache; it could be the mental and emotional stress associated with chronic pain that keeps you from engaging in the psychological connection required for a woman to want sex. And if this scenario becomes habitual, it can lead to emotional trauma that would further deter relations. Not good for you or your partner.

Otis Driftwood

TangyZizzle wrote: »

What a silly thing to say. You're not breaking rules and you know it. You're just being annoying, but you won't stop.

Being annoying goes against the site wide "dont be a dick rule".

If you think Im being a dick then report the posts.

I merely asked for an explanation from SUN re her post.

Its an open forum.If I see something I take issue with then I will query it.

If you think thats annoying then thats your take on it.

Bloody Nipples

And back on topic again, I've never had it said to me and I can't imagine a situation where I'd ever use it :eek: though I'm only going out with my gf 7 months so we're still in the tearing each other's clothes off phase have to say I like this phase!

I realise it can be part and parcel of long term relationships but fingers crossed I never drift into one of those where the sex life becomes stale and excuses are trotted out.

parker kent

Not a fan of articles based on research when you can just read the actual research and avoid journalists screwing up the research, but this article is pretty on topic!

Headaches and Sex: "Yes, Tonight Dear"

Popular culture always sends us mixed messages about sex. First there was the old cliche of "not tonight dear, I have a headache," implying sex makes pain worse.

Then Marvin Gaye turned the tables on the sex-pain connection with his 1982 song "Sexual Healing."

So, who is accurate — Gaye or the tired spouse? Does sex make or break a headache? Well both, say headache researchers, depending on the person and the headache.

Much of sex's influence on a headache remains shrouded in mystery, but doctors know a little and are discovering more.

A Discovery

In 1988, a forthright woman in a headache treatment study inspired an Oklahoma doctor to question the sexual healing of migraines.

"This lady said 'I really don't need a pill, I need a guy's phone number," said James Couch, a neurology professor at Oklahoma Health Sciences Center. The patient told Couch she had trouble curing her headaches since her husband had divorced her and she'd signed up for a pain treatment study.

Couch thought this was interesting, in a scientific way, of course. "A physiologic process — the climax — is turning off another physiologic process," said Couch.

So he asked 84 other female migraine patients if they ever had sex during a headache and, if so, what happened?

Two out of three women reported having sex during a migraine — those intense debilitating headaches characterized by nausea and sensitivity to light, or sound. Doctors estimate about 18 percent of women and 9 percent of men get migraines often.

Of the women who tried sex with a migraine, 61 percent reported some sort of relief. Not bad, compared to the latest migraine drugs called triptans, which might soothe 60 percent to 80 percent of headaches, says Couch.


Perhaps more intriguing to Couch was the reports that sex could sometimes stop a migraine dead in its tracks, instead of slowly dulling the pain. More than 20 percent of women reported that sex cured their migraines, while triptans might cure migraine in 30 percent of patients, says Couch.

"Four women said it literally stopped the headache, period," said Couch. "No matter when the headache occurred, it stopped the headache cold."

Researchers may guess why sex can cure a migraine, through endorphins and other pain-relieving hormones released during orgasm, or through the stimulation nerves that trigger pain relief in childbirth. But, says Couch, no one really knows why sex works.

"I haven't really figured out how to follow up with that study," said Couch with a laugh. He added that he won't start prescribing sex as a cure.

Sex as a Cause?

While sex might help some migraines — at home — sex can be a trigger that causes headache in up to 10 percent of all people who suffer from migraines, says Randolph Evans, clinical professor of neurology at Baylor College of Medicine.

And sex can trigger other kinds of headaches, especially in men.

One type of headache starts as a dull ache in the head and neck. The pain may feel mild at the beginning of sexual activity, but gets worse the longer the couple continues, says Evans.

Another type of headache — the orgasmic headache — is a sudden, severe "explosive" headache that builds just before or during orgasm. The intense pain may last for several hours afterward.

"It's a big issue with some people," said Evans. Luckily, the explosive headache, called coital cephalalgia, only occurs in about 1 percent of men and often resolves itself spontaneously before becoming a pattern.

But as many men grow older, they face a new threat of headache with sex — Viagra.

Headache is listed as a side effect of Viagra and other erectile dysfunction drugs. Obviously, says Evans, men will get the headache side effects of the drugs just when they wanted to get the good effects.

What to Do

Because sex can sometimes be a cure, and sometimes be a cause for a headache, it's largely up to headache sufferers to decide what works for them.

Preventing headaches in the first place can go a long way. Evans suggests tracking migraine triggers, getting regular sleep and exercising regularly, even if it's only walking a mile a day.

"I doubt that sex is a reliable treatment for headache," said Evans. "You can't grab somebody in the office and say, 'Hey, it's a medical emergency!'"

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/PainManagement/story?id=4241193&page=1

I would have agreed with SUN and assumed the headache sentence was just a line used in movies. But I guess I've never been married!

TaraFoxglove

Galvasean wrote: »

Never got the 'headache' excuse but i have gotten the 'time of the month' one. I usually take note of what time of teh month it is in case they try use it again at a different time of teh month. :pac:

I reckon the TOTM reason is usually genuine. If any man doubts that one, well it's easily proven. Not pretty but the evidence will there is you look! :pac: