Confession & more

coldfire1x

A 75-year-old man goes to confession and tells the priest, "Forgive me father for I have sinned. I had sex last night with two 20-year-old girls, and I had sex with each one three times."
The priest says, "How long has it been since your last confession, my son?"
The man says, "I have never been to confession, I am Jewish."
"So why are you telling me this?" asks the priest.
The man says, "I'm telling everybody!"

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The Pope was getting into his limo one night when he turned to the limo driver and said, "You know what, before I die, I would love to drive this beautiful limo just once." "Well," the limo driver says, "Come up here and take the wheel, Your Holiness, and I'll get in back!" Further down the road, the limo is stopped by a policeman who walks over to the limo, sees who's sitting in the front seat and runs back to his squad car. He calls dispatch and says, "I just pulled over someone really important and I don't know what to do." "Well, who is it?" his dispatcher says, "The mayor? The governor? The president?" "I don't know exactly who he is," the officer responds, "but the Pope is his chauffeur!"

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"Doctor, won't you please kiss me?" asks the patient.
"No. You're a very beautiful woman, but it's against my code of ethics," replies the doctor.
"Please, just one kiss," she pleads.
"Sorry," says the doctor. "It's totally out of the question. I shouldn't even be having sex you."

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A woman preparing to leave her husband casually informs him, "I'm going to become a hooker. I can make $400 for what I give you for free."
"I'm coming with you," the man replies. "I want to see you live on $800 a year."

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A cowboy and his new bride check into a motel. The cowboy explains to the desk clerk that they were just married that morning.
"Would you like the bridal?" the clerk asks them.
"No thanks," the cowboy answers. "I'll just hold her by the ears until she gets the hang of it."


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A traveling salesman's car breaks down in the country, so he decides to call on the closest farmhouse.
When the farmer opens the door, the salesman says, "Sir, my car died just up the road. Could I stay here for tonight?"
The farmer says, "Sure, but I have a very handsome son and you'll have to promise not to sleep with him."
"Excuse me," says the salesman, "but I think I'm in the wrong joke."

randylonghorn

coldfire1x wrote: »

A traveling salesman's car breaks down in the country, so he decides to call on the closest farmhouse.
When the farmer opens the door, the salesman says, "Sir, my car died just up the road. Could I stay here for tonight?"
The farmer says, "Sure, but I have a very handsome son and you'll have to promise not to sleep with him."
"Excuse me," says the salesman, "but I think I'm in the wrong joke."

Le twist, c'est bon!!