Nagging Issue

LegacyUser

Ok,

So I never thought I'd be writing a 'relationship advice post' over something. I'm usually a pretty striaght forward kind of person who doesn't let little things nag at me.

But here we are! I've been dating this guy for nearly 3 months now. In most ways it's going really well. When he's around me it's amazing, we are a great couple, he's loving generous funny and we have a lot in common. However, he doesn't text me. I could go 3 or 4 days without texting, I'm not big into it and I like my space. I don;t like checking my phone over and over...but I've started to notice he neevr really checks in. He texts to meet up and when we do it's great but he never checks in or asks how my day was even though I've just lost my job and am having it a bit rough at the moment. I'm not demanding daily texts even..just a check in every once in a while. I've seen him with his phone and other messages and he does seem to treat others the same which is comforting. He also is on depression medication so can be a bit detatched with his emotions. I said it to him about the texting..trying to stress that I'm not actually a needy person at all..and he seemed to get it at the time but nothing's changed and it's making me a bit insecure.

Should I say it to him again? We're starting to get more serious in terms of commitment but I just feel he's 100% when he's with me but 0% when he's not.

Thoughts or comments are much appriciatted.

sorry for the **** spelling. I'm tipsy and too lazy to spell check

Miss Fluff

Some people are just out-of-sight people and it's no reflection on you, some blokes tend to see the phone as a purely practical tool for helping make arrangements.

If you haven't heard from him in 4 days and it really bothers you why not send him a text? If he likes you he will be only delighted to hear from you and no doubt respond in kind.

Table Top Joe

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Some people are just out-of-sight people and it's no reflection on you, some blokes tend to see the phone as a purely practical tool for helping make arrangements.

If you haven't heard from him in 4 days and it really bothers you why not send him a text? If he likes you he will be only delighted to hear from you and no doubt respond in kind.

Yep,thats me and a lot of guys i know



I hardly ever text people/girlfriends first but if they text me i always reply as soon as possible,tbh i always expect the girl to text first,girls tend to be more into it i think,if he's anything like me he's probably wondering why the hell you havent been onto him and it wont occur to him to just text you for God knows how long more

greenprincess

Ya def agree just text him if you want a chat

ibarelycare

If he's not into texting, then why not ring him to have a chat? Texting is so impersonal and some people just really hate doing it!

LegacyUser

Table Top Joe wrote: »

Yep,thats me and a lot of guys i know



I hardly ever text people/girlfriends first but if they text me i always reply as soon as possible,tbh i always expect the girl to text first,girls tend to be more into it i think,if he's anything like me he's probably wondering why the hell you havent been onto him and it wont occur to him to just text you for God knows how long more

Seriously??? That is lots of guys? If you were into a girl and thinking of her, would you not just text her? This is opening my eyes.

I've been seeing a guy for over 2 months now, and like the OP's guy, he goes 4-5 days without texting, only ever texts to arrange to meet, and rarely gets into a text conversation. So I took that as a very obvious lack of interest in a relationship and this weekend started seeing other people....have I totally overreacted? I just think the difference between a "relationship" and just "seeing" someone is the communication in between dates, and if there is none, there is not a relationship, so to speak. If you, OP, or me with this guy, were top of their minds in any way, surely they would pick up the phone just to say hi or whatever. If they are weird about texting, what's wrong with ringing or emailing or facebooking? Anything just to show that when you are not physically present you are in their mind somehow.

Like Table Top Joe, this guy I am/was seeing (not sure yet) he will always reply to a text, not always instantly, but I'm sick of being the one to make the effort, and like the OP, don't want to be made to feel needy/ insecure. We don't deserve that just cos some guys are lazy/ thoughtless!

Do the lazy lads here think I was wrong to be with other people at the weekend? I haven't heard from the other guy since the middle of last week.

Elle Collins

I think you're over-thinking things tbh. Three months is feck-all anyway, you can't expect to be where you'd want to be several years down the road in the matter of a couple of months. As other people have said, just call and develop that habit between you (make sure it's not a one-way street) and things will take their natural course.

Table Top Joe

Me too wrote: »

Seriously??? That is lots of guys? If you were into a girl and thinking of her, would you not just text her? This is opening my eyes.

I've been seeing a guy for over 2 months now, and like the OP's guy, he goes 4-5 days without texting, only ever texts to arrange to meet, and rarely gets into a text conversation. So I took that as a very obvious lack of interest in a relationship and this weekend started seeing other people....have I totally overreacted? I just think the difference between a "relationship" and just "seeing" someone is the communication in between dates, and if there is none, there is not a relationship, so to speak. If you, OP, or me with this guy, were top of their minds in any way, surely they would pick up the phone just to say hi or whatever. If they are weird about texting, what's wrong with ringing or emailing or facebooking? Anything just to show that when you are not physically present you are in their mind somehow.

Like Table Top Joe, this guy I am/was seeing (not sure yet) he will always reply to a text, not always instantly, but I'm sick of being the one to make the effort, and like the OP, don't want to be made to feel needy/ insecure. We don't deserve that just cos some guys are lazy/ thoughtless!

Do the lazy lads here think I was wrong to be with other people at the weekend? I haven't heard from the other guy since the middle of last week.

Yes i am serious ha ha,i dont know if lots of guys are like that but i definitely know a few,myself and one other guy would be very much at the extreme end though,i always just presume the girl will do the bulk of the texting(ok now im feeling guilty:o),tbh if i was seeing a girl an she hadnt texted in a few days id presume she had lost interest(would i text? im not sure,if i wasnt in the mood i might just think "f*** it,fair enough")i think ive always been worried id come across as neady if i was always texting first even though im far from neady(too distant if anything)and im not convinced girls really want a guy to text first,no guy wants to get tarred with the neady/nice guy brush.....maybe he's playing hard to get? when ive liked girls before ive been deliberately cold to some of them because i knew theyd like it(but this can be hard to do when your really crazy about someone)i have absolutely no idea why girls like this but what can i say it works.......hmmm,im probably coming across as a right bastard but im being honest *shrugs shoulders*



What you should really do is just ask him straight out if he's interested or not,make it very plain that if he doesnt cop on your gone,youll know where you stand,this is what i would need to hear if i was him,i know plenty of guys who took their women for granted and got the shock of their life when they walked


Best of luck to both of you(you and the OP that is.....and you and your BF too actually!....to everyone!)