he's so selfish!!!!!

leog

i am having huge relationship problems at the moment. We're together almost 10 years. We have a 14 month old son together who we love so much but recently things are going so downhill. He constantly tells me i'm fat (i am a stone heavier since baby), makes up excuses to not take me out( i have been out twice since baby, once to cinema with him), shouts at me constantly about how i could be a better mother etc. I work 25 hours a week in a creche and bring baby with me, Boyf was made redundant 2 years ago and won't look for job, yet we can't afford mortgage and he won't let me work full time as he would have to mind baby in afternoons, but expects me still to pay half mortgage, bills and pay for all childcare and groceries. i am madly in debt and he tells me thats my problem. i can't afford clothes/hair anything leisurely and feel so hard done by as i moved away from family and friends to be with him and now i have noone to talk to as he only comes home in evenings to say nasty things and above all that my child is so important to me i would never leave his father

BraziliaNZ

This guy has NO REDEEMING QUALITIES. Sounds like your baby would be better off without a father like that. I know it's easy for me to say because I'm not in your situation, but you need to leave this guy, surely having one loving parent is better than having an incompetent, selfish loser like this guy in your life?
Can you go home, to your family home wherever it is you're from? Why are you allowing him to treat you like this? Be strong, be independent, remember you were somebody before you met this guy and you can be that person again. I feel for you.

Fentdog84

Any guy that carries on like that musnt be happy either. Maybe he's depressed, does he drink? What does he do during the day, maybe he's gambling? Why wont he look for a job, or has he just given up? Sounds like a toxic relationship, but before you throw in the towel try and find out what his problem is, as he seems to have a major one.

Neyite

Op, some years ago, I had a boyfriend who used to shout at me, call me useless, call me fat, call me names (b!tch and stupid c*nt were his favourites) and one day, I was daydreaming about when I would have kids running around and I realised that if I stayed with this man, and did have his children, he would think its hilarious to teach my future child to call mammy a fat b!tch, and to insult and ridicule me. My blood ran cold at the thought, and its what made me make that decision to get out of that relationship. You need to do the same.

Do you want your son to think that its normal to treat the people we love this way? How are you going to feel when your son is coached by this pathetic excuse for a man to call mammy fat?

thecookingapple

Why the hell are you still with this creep?:mad:

Chinafoot

leog wrote: »

above all that my child is so important to me i would never leave his father

That is one of the most illogical and damaging views to take when it comes to your child. How can you possibly think that it is better for your child to stay in a relationship with a man who emotionally abuses you? "Staying together for this kids" doesn't work. All you will do there is show your child that its ok to be disrespectful to your partner, to put them down and insult them and to place so much pressure on them financialy while you sit on your hole all day contributing nothing. Not to mention, you leave your child open to similar abuse from this man.

Do you think as your child gets older he won't see whats going on? Children aren't stupid. If you keep that child in an environment like that you will do so much damage and I seriously doubt your child will thank you.

You partner sounds like a creep. Don't use your child as an excuse for not having the guts to leave what you know is a horrible situation.

Nody

leog wrote: »

i am having huge relationship problems at the moment. We're together almost 10 years. We have a 14 month old son together who we love so much but recently things are going so downhill. He constantly tells me i'm fat (i am a stone heavier since baby), makes up excuses to not take me out( i have been out twice since baby, once to cinema with him), shouts at me constantly about how i could be a better mother etc. I work 25 hours a week in a creche and bring baby with me, Boyf was made redundant 2 years ago and won't look for job, yet we can't afford mortgage and he won't let me work full time as he would have to mind baby in afternoons, but expects me still to pay half mortgage, bills and pay for all childcare and groceries. i am madly in debt and he tells me thats my problem. i can't afford clothes/hair anything leisurely and feel so hard done by as i moved away from family and friends to be with him and now i have noone to talk to as he only comes home in evenings to say nasty things and above all that my child is so important to me i would never leave his father

Then kick him out tomorrow for the good of your child; no role model is going to be better then that type of rolemodel...

carlybabe1

Its easier said than done to pack your bags and leave but lets just dissect this bit by bit
(1) hes demoralizing you, yet you are contributing more than he is, do you know where hes going in the afternoons?
(2) Hes hardly going to win father of the year award, hes too busy off galavanting to look after his son....reality check ITS NOT BABYSITTING WHEN ITS YOUR OWN CHILD!!!! Its called being a parent
(3) Hes verbally and emotionally abusive, and children live what they learn. When your son is a teenager, he too will be shouting into your face about what a fat bitch you are when you have no money to give him cause his lay-about father just cleaned you out. Now, take a look at your adoring little boy and ask yourself, do you always want him to love and respect you, and to look up to you?? If the answer is yes, then pack today or better yet, pack his stuff, throw him out and get the locks changed first thing. (Maybe u would be better to change the locks before he comes home, and just leave his baggage in the garden)

He sounds like an absolute parasite, and you need to get him out of your life, as soon as possible before he does any more damage to your confidence. It will be a relief to come home to a quiet house and not have to worry about what kind of mood he is in, and I wouldnt give him any chances due to depression etc, this kind of person will always need an emotional punchbag, its the only way he can feel good about himself. Have no fear, he will be like this with every partner for the rest of his life, you just have to decide if that punchbag is going to be you, or if you'll let some other schmuck take up that post.. best of luck OP, I really hope you find the strength to leave him, for your sons sake as well as your own. All he will teach your son is how to behave as his father does :mad:

ABajaninCork

OP - If you're paying the bills, why can't you kick HIM out? Why should you leave with the child and give him the benefit of the house you work so hard for??

Are you claiming all that you should? Check with Citizen's Advice/Welfare. Is the child's father paying anything towards his son's upkeep? Maybe you should go to court and get an order to make him pay SOMETHING - even if the money's stopped out of his dole.

Another thing I don't understand. What do you mean he won't LET you get a FT job? If his lazy behind can't get off the sofa and get a job, then how in the name of God does he expect the bills to be paid, food on the table and clothes on the baby's back?:mad::mad::mad::mad:

Oooh - I wish I could go round and punch his lights out!!!;) Lazy, worthless, pile of excrement:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

leog

You guys are brilliant! you put such a smile on my face. You're all so strong and have great advice. I'm processing things and will keep you all updated to what happens. Thanks everyone!

LegacyUser

i understand that you want your child to grow up with both parents living together, but do you really want your child to grow up thinking the way this man treats you is normal? it is far from normal and it would be better for your child to grow up seeing you happy as living in a home full of hateful word will affect him/her.
your son could grow up and treat his wife like this as he dosent know any better, or your daughter could find herself in this same situation, being treated like a piece of dirt by her husband and think its ok and that is not the way to raise a child.
you need to take some time and think about whats best for your children
hope it works out for you

greenprincess

leog wrote: »

You guys are brilliant! you put such a smile on my face. You're all so strong and have great advice. I'm processing things and will keep you all updated to what happens. Thanks everyone!

Can you go stay with family or a friend for a few days while you process?! I think he sounds awful and you and your baby do not need him at all!!

Motley Crue

This man feels like the reason I sometimes feel ashamed to have a penis

From your post OP you need to realise he is controlling, he is unrealistic, he is unworkable and he is bad news

You need to get a job to support your family and pay the mortgage, but your family shouldn't include this "man", and if he felt half as much for the child you conceived together he'd be out sweeping roads to make sure the child was well fed and secure.

Your weight and your looks are not relevant, because after 10 years you have to ask yourself why he would say such hurtful things now, and not 7 or 8 years ago.

I think there are two reasons - the first is that he is afraid, afraid of the future and of being a parent in these uncertain times, and while there is no excuse, he lashes out and hurts the people he loves the most. The second reason is that he is looking for a get out clause, something to take the moral high ground, forcing you to end the relationship. If it comes down to it, you need to protect your child and do the right thing, this man can't be allowed to continue the way he has acted and a sharp turn around is needed or he will be gone. and you need to tell him.

missgroovy21

Get out!!! you and your baby deserve much better.....

good luck

Distorted

It seems to be the holy trinity for a certain type of man - no job, insults girlfriend and sends girlfriend out to pay bills. I honestly struggle to see how being with such a man can be better than being single. Can you buy him out of the house, or can you rent it or sell it? Are you married? Seriously, what are you sticking around for? You don't want your child poisoned by such a poor role model. If you don't want to be single, just find someone else. This relationship is going nowhere, he has no respect for you and doesn't financially contribute, and if he is like that now, imagine what he is going to be like when he is older!

And why exactly do you pay childcare for his child, when he doesn't work?