Should I pay?

LegacyUser

Ok boys and girls some advice needed here. I've been going out with my girlfriend for just over a year now. We are both in our twenties. She shares a bedroom in an apartment with one of her friends. I still live with my parents. I would like to move out but my job is not very stable at the moment so I am unable to make the move.

I will admit I stay at my girlfriends place quite regularly-maybe 3-4 times a week. At first I felt a bit weird and uncomfortable about it as I felt it was a bit weird having the three of us in the room...but I got used to it to an extent as it was the only option available to us if we want to be together.

Her roomate also started seeing someone so the number increased to four. I generally would try to avoid staying over if the other couple are there as I find it a little cramped and weird. Especially since neither of us like her friends partner very much. Then after a few months of dating her roomate moved his partner in indefinitely. After about a month of this my girlfriend started to completely crack up. Her roomate never told her of the plan and his stuff was everywhere in a very cramped room. Eventually my girlfriend exploded with the situation and after some drama her roomate agreed that his other half would pay some of the rent and bills. My girlfriend settled for this but she still would have much preferred her space than the money.

Shortly after this the couple broke up for a short period and then got back together. No money was ever recieved for the time that the partner was moved in.

Then last night completely out of the blue while I was with my girlfriend her roomate announced that I should start paying some of their rent and bills. I was a little suprised as my girlfriend and told her roomate time and again that if us being there was a problem to let her know and we could spend less time there.

On one hand I can see his point of view that if I am there a lot then maybe I should pay. But on the other hand I don't really want to start paying for about a quater of a room that i don't fine that comfortable to be in anyway, and in part will feel like paying to see my girlfriend.

The guy that is asking me for the rent also owes me roughly €200 which I am doubtful of ever getting back.

Any advice guys?

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

Could you not get a one-bedroom place with your girlfriend? It doesn't have to be the Ritz, but sharing a room with another couple just seems really odd to me. Maybe I am out of touch, but no way could I do it... I mean, what if they all snore:eek:

If you are staying 4 nights a week, then yes, you should be contributing on some level. I'm kind of surprised you wouldn't have offered. I don't think you have to split it four ways if you are only there half the week, but you should be able to come to a compromise. Personally though, no way would I be putting up with those living arrangements if there was any chance of you getting your own apartment or room in a houseshare with your girlfriend.

Thanks for the response. I have been considering getting a room or something with her. But I guess I am also reluctant as I've never actually had my own place before and part of me is doubting if I should jump straight into living with my girlfriend. I also pay rent while living with my parents too, and cover a lot of things for my girlfriend eg nights out etc. She also pays more money for the room as it is at the moment.

I'm not a mean person but I'm just very torn on what to do here. I don't want to be in the way but I also don't want to be ripped off.

IrishEyes19

I would definately consider getting another place with your gf, Im being smart here or anything, but it doesnt seem to me you can be intimate on any level with your gf in the current situation and how weird is it, with another couple asleep next to you practically

LegacyUser

Yeah it is a nightmare trying to have any intimacy with the other two around...they don't seem to mind at all. Despite the fact that the other partner lives in a room alone..they choose the awkward situation of having us all together.

Yeah i think you guys are right about it being time to start looking for somewhere else to live. I have been putting it off because my job is a little unstable...I'm not sure if I will still have it by the end of June. It's a messy situation.

I'm still not sure if I should actually be giving some money for the time i've stayed at my gf's?? I was considering writing off the debt the other guy owes me as rent...

Miss Fluff

Maybe I am just totally out of touch here and am no longer down with the kids but I find this situation you describe as abnormal and quite weird. How can you possibly have any privacy and sexy time when sharing with another couple? Unless that's what gets you off and you've agreed to it then fine, whatever your bag is, but if not, then it's not a healthy or normal environment to conduct any semblence of a relationship. If I were you you should make finding a room in a houseshare your priority, you should be able to get something relatively cheaply.

tenchi-fan

notverysurewhattodo wrote: »

The guy that is asking me for the rent also owes me roughly €200 which I am doubtful of ever getting back.

Any advice guys?

If you're there any more than 1 night a week you should be expected to chip in.

If you can't come to a proper arrangement you shouldn't stay over so much.

As for the money the guy owes you.. if you agree to contribute €40 a week towards rent and bills you can ask the guy to subtract this from the rent you owe him. After a month you will be even.

mikemac

I had to read this a few times

I assumed it was a two apartment and your gf and her flatmate there. So yes, if you're there four nights a week you realy should be chipping in money for bills.

And then it's three of ye in the room and possibly four?
It was strange enough at three.

Get a one bed apartment somewhere for the two of ye. Or get a double room in a houseshare. Though in many house shares people don't want couples for many reasons and I'd be the same.

The_Conductor

Have to agree with the sentiment here. Her sharing a room with her friend is understandable. Normally in situations like this- if one or the other has a boyfriend- they go and get their own accommodation......

Should you pay? Morally- if you're there a few nights a week, you certainly should.

Should you be there- is entirely another question- and to be honest with you- if you're there 3-4 nights a week, why don't you just bite the bullet and get a place with your girlfriend? It doesn't have to be anything spectacular- a one bed apartment- or even a bedsit- to start with, would be a good idea.

Whats with the attachment to staying at home?

tinkerbell

What a very strange situation. Am I right in that your girlfriend shares a room with a guy??

Why can't you just move out and get your own place?

ted1

sounds just plain weird by room you mean there is four of you sleeping with in the same four walls or are there actually two bed rooms? How do you get action are the other people in the same room?
You need to find a one bed apartment for you and your girl.

even if you guys had to move into a cheap ass run down bedsit, surely that would be better than the current situation you are in, i seriously never appreciated my living situation until i read your post, its kinda creepy having to share with another couple, it would be ok if it was a once off like staying in a b&b or something, but as a permanent thing, its weird. You asked the question should you pay? yes - in a different place! i know you said your employment was shaky, but you really should way up the pros and cons.

shellyboo

How much rent do you pay at home? How much does your girlfriend pay? I'd be willing to bet that either of you would be able to find a double room (for one person) in a flatshare SOMEWHERE with very little effort. To continue with the situation as it is is bizarre.

Also, don't even think about paying him anything when he owes you money!

Giblet

Why would you want to be there at all?! You both should move out. If it was me, I would never stay there with another person in the room.

ztoical

Even if your not ready to share with your girlfriend she really needs to look into getting a room to herself. Even if it's a tiny single bed box room it has to be better then sharing with a couple. How big is this room that the four of you were able to share it??? A one off maybe you'd put up with it but on going and the other persons OH is living there full time? Sorry but girlfriend needs to move now!

I shared a large double room back in the college days but it lasted a month after the room mate kept having the BF over nearly ever night. Got a crap bed sit to myself for only a small bit more then what I'd been paying, was small but 100% my space so well worth the extra few quid.

IrishEyes19

Even just for the summer maybe? Most rents are quite cheap, I cant talk for other cities, but in Cork some places go between 50 - 75 pps, affordable enough. And maybe you could strike out a deal with the landlord if you were to stay on after the summer or something. But your current situation is horrible.

Fittle

I've read your post three times now OP, and I think I'm right in saying that your gf shares a room with a male? And before he met his current gf, you would stay over, with him in the other bed? And now he has a gf, you still stay over with both of them in the other bed

The whole situation sounds so weird and alien to me and it can't possibly be healthy for any relationship. Move out of your own home, get yourself a double room in a house share and let your gf stay over here and there - if it becomes more regular and its ok with others in the house, suggest she contributes towards bills etc.

No matter what you do though, you can't continue with the current situation.

tinkerbell

I thought her roommate was a male with a boyfriend ...

Plek Trum

Why on earth was she sharing a bedroom in the first place?
I left home at 17 and have been in plenty of houseshares here and abroad and NEVER saw anyone share a bedroom - especially a couple in a relationship never mind TWO couples in the same room!!

Seriously, time to grow up and move on. Find a nice room in a good house somewhere where your girlfriend can have her space and the two of you can have a normal healthy relationship. If you are going to stay over 3 - 4 night sin a week then yes, you should contribute AND potential new housemates should be informed of this before they agree to your girlfriend moving in. Its amazing how these 'small' details can explode into ill feeling and horrible atmosphere if not discussed and agreed upon up front.

Try www.daft.ie for rentals in your area, loads on the market at the moment. And ask the roommate for your 200euro back - thats bad form on his part

Mighty_Mouse

This is just nuts.

4 mid-20's adults in the one bedroom is not a solution!!

Anyways, neither bf should be spending regular time there.
Fine if it's an occasional saturday night drunken sleepover thing.
Why would you choose to spend 4 nights a week like this?

So do both couples lie awake in bed having conversation?
Who turns off the light? Are you regularly 4 feet from your flatmates getting jiggy? Can you hear condom wrappers & giggling? Do you step over another persons dirty underpants daily?

Weird.

Stench Blossoms

Yeh I'd go with what everyone else here is saying and try get a room for yourselves.

It's not healthy two couples together in the same room.

But if you plan on keeping the situation the way it is then you need to start coughing up some money.

I'm confused... The room costs a certain amount of money which is split per tenant. Why is there even a discussion on rent if it didn't increase?
It's for each couple to split how they decide.

Bills should be easy to resolve.. Check bill, throw some money towards it, no one cares. If you're crazy enough to stay there.

mikemac

Three never mind four people in a room is downright bizarre
And definitely not healthy.

Your girlfriend should move out and get a roomshare, you can get a good one for no more then €400 a month in Ireland. Don't take the piss if you're staying over. We have enough threads on boards about partners staying over too often.

Better still, the two of ye get a bedsit!

Firetrap

That this story might be true beggars belief Anyway, if it is, move out. Rent a bedsit or go into a house share.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the responses guys and gals. I must admit I wasn't expecting so many shocked responses. I've never been exactly happy with the situation but I kind of thought I was just a little spoiled or something. Anyways, we are currently in discussions to sort something out that doesn't involve us all sharing the room. In the meantime I am on the hunt for a houseshare. Cheers guys.

ted1

ah so many unanswered questions?

The_Conductor

ted1 wrote: »

ah so many unanswered questions?

Sometimes it really is better to leave questions unanswered.
OP- seriously- try to extricate your girlfriend and yourself from the current situation- it really is one of the more bizarre scenarios I've heard in a long while.....

MagicMarker

I think this is the plot of a porn movie I saw once...

Seriously, the only solution is for her to move into a house where she can have a big girls room or you both move in together.

Birneybau

Get a room...

Mighty_Mouse

I've never been exactly happy with the situation but I kind of thought I was just a little spoiled or something.

wtf!!
Seriously, are you constantly high or something?

Anyways, we are currently in discussions

.........."in discussions"!!
It's pretty much as "black & white" as you can get surely?
Do you have anywhere you can stay alternatively?
IMO, you should not continue this situation.

Sir Oxman

notverysurewhattodo wrote: »

Ok boys and girls some advice needed here. I've been going out with my girlfriend for just over a year now. We are both in our twenties. She shares a bedroom in an apartment with one of her friends. I still live with my parents. I would like to move out but my job is not very stable at the moment so I am unable to make the move.

I will admit I stay at my girlfriends place quite regularly-maybe 3-4 times a week. At first I felt a bit weird and uncomfortable about it as I felt it was a bit weird having the three of us in the room...but I got used to it to an extent as it was the only option available to us if we want to be together.

Her roomate also started seeing someone so the number increased to four. I generally would try to avoid staying over if the other couple are there as I find it a little cramped and weird. Especially since neither of us like her friends partner very much. Then after a few months of dating her roomate moved his partner in indefinitely. After about a month of this my girlfriend started to completely crack up. Her roomate never told her of the plan and his stuff was everywhere in a very cramped room. Eventually my girlfriend exploded with the situation and after some drama her roomate agreed that his other half would pay some of the rent and bills. My girlfriend settled for this but she still would have much preferred her space than the money.

Shortly after this the couple broke up for a short period and then got back together. No money was ever recieved for the time that the partner was moved in.

Then last night completely out of the blue while I was with my girlfriend her roomate announced that I should start paying some of their rent and bills. I was a little suprised as my girlfriend and told her roomate time and again that if us being there was a problem to let her know and we could spend less time there.

On one hand I can see his point of view that if I am there a lot then maybe I should pay. But on the other hand I don't really want to start paying for about a quater of a room that i don't fine that comfortable to be in anyway, and in part will feel like paying to see my girlfriend.

The guy that is asking me for the rent also owes me roughly €200 which I am doubtful of ever getting back.

Any advice guys?

:eek: