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First poem

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  • 06-05-2011 7:39pm
    #1
    janja93
    Registered Users Posts: 89 ✭✭


    I'm new to this, any help / tips / suggestions welcome!


    A Gael, My Greek.

    She would not be out of place in ancient greece
    A modern Aphrodite or Venus
    Her honey sweet voice brings me inner peace
    Like a living piece of art

    How does she walk among men? This Godess
    Her presence alone as mysterious
    As my transformation - to Seferis
    Her power must be divine

    As I sail my great academic quest
    She calls to me from afar, my siren
    Although she, of course, is a welcome guest
    My beautiful distraction

    She sent me off my course
    An elemental force.


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  • Options
    #2
    billo.d86
    Registered Users Posts: 158 ✭✭billo.d86


    janja93 wrote: »
    I'm new to this, any help / tips / suggestions welcome!


    A Gael, My Greek.

    She would not be out of place in ancient greece
    A modern Aphrodite or Venus
    Her honey sweet voice brings me inner peace
    Like a living piece of art

    How does she walk among men? This Godess
    Her presence alone as mysterious
    As my transformation - to Seferis
    Her power must be divine

    As I sail my great academic quest
    She calls to me from afar, my siren
    Although she, of course, is a welcome guest
    My beautiful distraction

    She sent me off my course
    An elemental force.

    I like it, im only a bit of a poet myself, not great with punctuation and such. But I like it you can tell you really wrote it with someone in mind makes it all the better, cant really give advice on a feeling and a thought. But comes across really well.


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