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20years and i still cry

  • 06-05-2011 1:43pm
    #1
    C-J
    Closed Accounts Posts: 934 ✭✭✭


    My mum passed away from cancer at a very young age leaving 7 kids. I'm the youngest and was only turned three. I suppose my main issue is that when anybody mentions my mother, or talks about how tragic it was, how young i was etc, i can't stop my lip wobbling. Even writing this is making me cry. I talk about her all the time with my family etc, but they all have actual memories to hang on to while all i have is very few photos and one or two memories (she was sick my whole life). I'm wondering is this normal since it was so long ago. I have my own family now, and it hit me particularly hard when my daughter was born knowing how proud she would have been. I never recieved counselling or rainbows in school etc, and was just looking for someone elses perspective!


Comments

  • #2
    Frankblank
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3 ✭Frankblank


    If you think about your mother and her death on a regular basis and it upsets you then it would be normal to go and try to understand why.

    Samaritans (1850 60 90 90) or email (jo@samaritans.org) is a good place to begin "practising" to talk about anything that upsets or confuses you. They offer emotional support in a non directive non judgmental way and it may help you decide what you would like to do next.

    Understanding why this is still so painful for you will help you see that "normal" is different for all of us and if this is how you feel, then this is normal for you. Be gentle with yourself.............good luck


  • #3
    An Bhanríon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 254 ✭✭An Bhanríon


    Nearly 30 years and I still cry...

    My Dad died when I was six. Like you I have only a few memories of him and he was sick a fair bit of my life (cancer).

    The crying thing has improved a bit in recent years, though, and I think it is because our family started talking about his death again. We had never really discussed the time exactly around the time he died but recently we visited the hospital he died in, the mortuary, the graveyard, etc., and went back over our memories of the day. A year or two ago we also asked my Dad's family to write down their memories of him as my Mam only knew him from the age of 27.

    The other thing I have done is tried to view his death, not as a tragedy, but as something which simply happened and which is part of my life. People die at all ages and it just happens my father died when he was 38. Yes, it was very sad, but it also taught me to deal with very difficult situations and taught me that even when terrible things happen, life picks up again and it is possible to smile again.

    I dont' know if that's any help, but good to see I am not the only waterworks around!


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