Is it weird that I don't want children?

westies4ever

Firstly, this is not intended to wind anyone up and also I'm relatively new to Boards so I hope this is the correct forum? Apologies if not.

Anyway, its my 36th birthday next week. I've been married for 5 years and my husband is a lovely man. I have never been hugely maternal although I have a load of nieces, nephews and godchildren who I adore. I always figured that the urge to have a child would eventually kick but it hasnt.

My husband has two grown up kids (he was a daddy in his teens), and we both have an excellent relationship with them; he is happy to not have more children but equally happy if I do.

People are beginning to question me and I actually think a lot of them assume that I can't.

Whats bothering me is that I'm afraid that I'm not normal and i'm also afraid that I'm going to wake up in ten years and regret not becoming a mum.

Does anyone feel the same or have any thoughts?

Bride2012

There's absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids. It's the people who don't want them but have them anyway coz it's 'the norm' that need their heads examined. It's not for everyone and not surprising really when you think of all the trouble and expense that they cause, it's a wonder why we're still going.

It's on overpopulated world, if you know at 36 (mature enough to know yourself) that you don't want them then go with that and enjoy your life.

cynder

I know a few over 40's with no kids (married or have partners) and they are very happy. when they get broody they can take my kids

beegirl

You are definitely not abnormal! Myself and a friend were actually having a conversation about this recently - we are both 30 and assumed that some level of broodiness would kick in the second we hit 30 - it didn't!!! I got married recently and thought maybe then I would suddenly become interested in having kids (like many women seem to!) but that didn't happen either! So anyway, there are at least two more people, just like you, who are wondering if they will ever get maternal urges!

I might just add that ALL my other friends seem to baby mad And are constantly asking me when am I going to jump on the bandwagon too. I also have a mother and mother-in-law who ask me every time I see them, "any news?" while glancing at my stomach :rolleyes: Thankfully my husband is not in any rush to have kids either. I think you are lucky that your husband doesn't mind either way too, that makes it a lot easier!

I wouldn't say I have decided against kids by any means, it's just that I haven't decided for them either. I guess people would probably say we would want to make up our minds for sure one way or another - that's very difficult though!!!

Either way, if you decide that you definitely don't want kids, it is most certainly NOT weird - there are many, many other things in life!

westies4ever

Thanks folks , that makes me feel better

stovelid

To be honest, it's a bit weird that you post it in here. Why bother or care what parents think?

But no, it's not weird in the slightest that you don't want children.

westies4ever

stovelid wrote: »

To be honest, it's a bit weird that you post it in here. Why bother or care what parents think?

But no, it's not weird in the slightest that you don't want children.

hi - like i said i'm relatively new here so apologies if this is the wrong forum - i didnt know where to put it and as it referred to the having (or not having) of children i put it here.

its not that i care what people think i'm just wondering if i'm on my own!

I am a friend

I didnt really want to have kids til it looked like the door was closing :rolleyes: in my late 30's... I worried I would be sorry if it didnt happen. Luckily fate took over and the decision was made for me

Daffodil.d

IIt looks to me like you've made a well thought out decision. If you don't want them you simply don't want them. You're not alone either. I know loads of friends like you. You're just simply choosing to take another road. I have to agree with the other poster who said its people who have them and don't want them that need their heads examined. so so true.
Enjoy your life as it is and thank your lucky stars that you've had the strength of character to think this out, seek opinions and stick to what you want.People so often make big decisions for silly reasons, conforming just because they think it would be easier. Parenthood is no walk in the park. Don't get me wrong I love my kids but it can be tough work(my 2 year old son was up 5 times during the night I am exhausted!):-P

cgarrad

World does not need more children, we cant look after the ones we have, people that have kids are selfish.

littleredspot

cgarrad wrote: »

World does not need more children, we cant look after the ones we have, people that have kids are selfish.

Possibly not the best forum to post that...

Daisy M

Op perhaps you would get a wider range of answers in a different forum perhaps personal issues or the ladies lounge? However I dont think you should be swayed by other peoples opinions, if you have made a decision you are happy with then be confident in that and dont worry what other people think. You wonder if you will regret in 10 years that you didnt have children, you could also wonder that if you chose to have children you could regret that. Any major decision we make in life is a leap of faith but I think its important to follow your instincts and desires and if having children is not one of yours then thats your choice and it doesnt matter if you are going against the grain its your life.

Owen

33 here, and not a paternal bone in my body. I love my dog though!

trishasaffron

Sorry in advance to the parents in this forum if this sounds a bit clinical but lets be realistic - up until relatively recently it wasn't possible to have a sexual relationship in Ireland without potentially getting pregnant and being a parent (happily or not) due to the lack of contraception.

The availability of contraception has utterly changed the entire dynamic in relation to how people live their lives.

So, mothers like my own, had children (and not a few in her case!!) because there was literally no alternative and not because she loved them. For the first time Irish people are having to consider this issue as a choice. But owing to the fact that it is such a recent development I reckon it will take a very, very long time for society (not just in Ireland) to come to terms with this massive sociological change.

Daffodil.d

trishasaffron wrote: »

Sorry in advance to the parents in this forum if this sounds a bit clinical but lets be realistic - up until relatively recently it wasn't possible to have a sexual relationship in Ireland without potentially getting pregnant and being a parent (happily or not) due to the lack of contraception.

The availability of contraception has utterly changed the entire dynamic in relation to how people live their lives.

So, mothers like my own, had children (and not a few in her case!!) because there was literally no alternative and not because she loved them. For the first time Irish people are having to consider this issue as a choice. But owing to the fact that it is such a recent development I reckon it will take a very, very long time for society (not just in Ireland) to come to terms with this massive sociological change.

Actually you're right. Us of the younger generation take contraception for granted and our independence from complete male influence. At least we have a choice.

Hannibal Smith

trishasaffron wrote: »

Sorry in advance to the parents in this forum if this sounds a bit clinical but lets be realistic - up until relatively recently it wasn't possible to have a sexual relationship in Ireland without potentially getting pregnant and being a parent (happily or not) due to the lack of contraception.

The availability of contraception has utterly changed the entire dynamic in relation to how people live their lives.

So, mothers like my own, had children (and not a few in her case!!) because there was literally no alternative and not because she loved them. For the first time Irish people are having to consider this issue as a choice. But owing to the fact that it is such a recent development I reckon it will take a very, very long time for society (not just in Ireland) to come to terms with this massive sociological change.

I was born in the 1970s and my parents used contraception....after I was born obviously its not only down to that, its better education, better careers, variety of choices for women.

Op if you don't want children, you're not weird at all. You've made your mind up about where you want your life to go and that's great. Be prepared for the 'oh but you don't know what your missing' brigade..there's always one! Lol

Mink

Trishasaffron I agree. I very much doubt that the women who were regularly having 10+ kid families actually planned and fully desired each one of those kids.

Now I'm sure they loved their children & there are exceptions to the rule, but I know of a couple families where 24 kids were had :eek: The mind boggles, but it was really down to contraception, or lack of it as you say.

You don't get big families like that now, and if you do then they are on some reality show on the Home & Health channel.

I was married 10 yrs before decided to get preg, I'd never had a pregnancy scare during the 10 yrs, I just used contraception correctly and didn't get pregnant (though I know there are rare cases where it still doesn't work for some).