have i made the first move, now it's his turn?

LegacyUser

ok guys, here's the thing, met this guy last saturday night at a party, late into the night.....well, we spent the night together, and stayed in bed a lot of the next day chatting and fooling around, I felt an intense physical connection but more so, I really enjoyed being with him, in his company. He went to leave and as he was saying bye, I made the move to ask for his number, which he said ' oh yeah ok, here' and I offered mine, which he took but didn't ask for.....

I'm wondering now whether to get in touch....guys, if you didn't offer your number, is that forgetfullness or no interest? and then not to ask for the number after the girl offered to take yours?

There's an event this friday that he might be at, I don't want to go and 'accidently' bump into him there, chances are he might try to go home with me out of convenience cos we did it before...I'd like to know that he was actually interested before anything happens.

ash23

He has your number and he hasn't used it. I'd imagine he felt it was a one night stand.

If a guy has been into me, he's asked me for my number and texted or called within a few days.

I'd leave it and if you bump into him say hi and move on. If he tries to chat you up, flirt a little and tell him to give you a call during the week. If he's just after a shag, he won't. If he's interested, he will.

Miss Fluff

You've given him your number so if he wants to get in touch with you I imagine he will

LegacyUser

Maybe he has been busy.

Maybe he is shy.

Maybe there has been a family issue.

Who knows?

If you like him that much why not call/text him?

It's 2011, not the Stone Age.

Distorted

Depends if you want to chase around after a guy who wasn't even interested enough to ensure he got your number after a ONS and then hasn't bothered contacting you since OP. I mean, if you think theres enough there so you can persuade him to become more interested, but it sounds like an awful lot of work on your part and none on his. I don't really buy into his being shy because if he was why he wouldn't be able to have spent the night with a girl he barely knew. Not my idea of good boyfriend material, but yours may differ.

Firetrap

I'm sorry but it doesn't look to me like he saw it as anything more than a one night stand. Perhaps it's the way that you told the story but he wouldn't win any awards when it comes to enthusiasm for exchanging numbers. I get the impression that if you had not asked for his number, he wouldn't have offered it. That you've not heard anything from him since is the clincher. It's now Thursday.

LegacyUser

OP here,

well, earlier on before he left my house he said a few times how great the night was, and he really had fun, had never been so turned on by someone before....kind of mutual which is why I'm surprised he doesn't want a repeat...so I mentioned that we should do it again and he agreed quite enthusiastically...but then got kind of awkward about exchanging numbers. I just don't get it really....he spent the night really cuddling up to me - I mean, I moved away from him after sex and he pulled me closer. then the next morning we chatted about a lot of different things, it was quite comfortable. i don't want a relationship out of it - I wouldn't expect one after a ONS but I'm surprised he didn't want to get in touch to have sex again and hang out a bit.....lol anyhow, chalk it up and move on, guess he's not bothered in which case I'm not either.

I am a friend

He may have a wife or gf...

LittleBook

should I? wrote: »

I mentioned that we should do it again and he agreed quite enthusiastically...but then got kind of awkward about exchanging numbers.

I am a friend wrote: »

He may have a wife or gf...

Bingo!

Definitely chalk this one up to experience OP, you seem to have the right attitude anyway.

seenitall

should I? wrote: »

There's an event this friday that he might be at, I don't want to go and 'accidently' bump into him there, chances are he might try to go home with me out of convenience cos we did it before...I'd like to know that he was actually interested before anything happens.

Hi OP,

just to point out that, going by your first post, you don't actually want just the repeat of sex, otherwise him going home with you out of convenience would be just the ticket for you, instead of a concern like it is. Please try to be honest with yourself about your feelings at all times, because that turnaround of attitude from your first post to your last one is pretty stark and can point to a slippery slope of compromising your needs in order to fulfill them - which is always unsuccessful.

Best wishes.

reprazant

You could decide that he is not interested, that he only wanted sex or that has a wife/girlfriend based on nothing at all other than forummers deciding on a worst case scenario.

You go decide these things OR you could actually ring him and find out for youself.

I really do despair at women who can decide on the worst possible scenario rather then actually take the initiative ring the bloke.

Mallei

Push him out of your mind, OP. He sounds like a typical "user"; like so many young Irish men he wanted one thing and one thing only, and was willing to string you along to get that. Now you've given him what he wants he'll completely ignore you and move on the next young woman he can trick into sleeping with him.

Avoid him like the plague.

LegacyUser

hey seenitall, I'll take what you said on board, perhaps there is a grain of truth there....but really, I haven't done a turnabout from my first opinion. I still want sex with him, not a relationship - but that doesn't mean I don't want to be desired...that's why I wanted to hear back from him, to know that really he enjoyed the night enough to WANT to repeat it, and make moves to ensure it will happen again...not just a 'ah well, she's here now, great!'
sex for me, I guess for a lot, is still bound up in feelings - and it's an ego boost to know a guy wants me, and a bit of a downer to know he's not bothered...thereby increasing/decreasing desire. I'd probably still have sex wtih him, but i find it harder to enjoy no-strings if I know the guy isn't that bothered or into it....it doesn't mean I want anything more or a relationship with teh guy, I'm just after a good time, which includes connecting a bit emotionally to increase the enjoyment of sex...I can't really enjoy sex if I don't like the guy. And someone that's not that bothered to pursue me for sex, I find a turn off...

thanks though for bringing it up, it's something to think about..

and Mallei - he in no way has 'used' me...where did u get that impression? I went home with him for sex, willingly, because he was attractive, I was tipsy and we both wanted it....not to start a relationship wtih him...if I wanted that, I'd have not slept with him the first night and got to know him a bit first. He hasn't strung me along, he shared a nice night/morning chatting and enjoying sex, he never promised anything, I pushed for contact details, ok, fine, based on him telling me he enjoyed the night a lot...but still, he never misled me. the cuddling is probably just the way he is - I do it myself even with ONS guys too. He DIDN'T trick me!!!!

greengiant09

Mallei wrote: »

Push him out of your mind, OP. He sounds like a typical "user"; like so many young Irish men he wanted one thing and one thing only, and was willing to string you along to get that. Now you've given him what he wants he'll completely ignore you and move on the next young woman he can trick into sleeping with him.

Avoid him like the plague.

lol.....i actually anticipated your response mallei from reading your other posts. anti-men.....and very bitter. carrying your own issues into others. can't see how she was used.....2 adults spend the nite together.....how was she deceived?? he took her number but never called....big deal!! i'm a bloke and women have done this to me in the past.....it never entered my head that i had been used by them.

Liam Byrne

Sorry, but this thread is woeful in terms of comments and advice!

From "he's married" to "he's a user", it's a joke!

OP - you asked for his number. Why did you do this ? So that you could use it.

Asking if he wanted yours in return may have caused him to go "what the hell?" but the bottom line is that you had his number and could have easily used it....either to arrange another night out or to simply text to say "enjoyed last night - thanks!" which would have meant that he had your number.

Jeez, women claim they want equality but when they get it they get all vindictive / sarky / timid (not the OP, but the replies).

It's been YEARS since it was down to men to make the move, and rightly so.

Hazys

Liam Byrne wrote: »

From "he's married" to "he's a user", it's a joke!

I saw that a i was like WTF? Married/User FFS! I was looking at that post going what world do these people live on? watching too many mid-day soaps i reckon.

Sometimes there are guys who have ONSs who are single, amazing i know.


OP, what do you have to lose?

Your options are:

1. Dont contact him...go onto a web forum and ask random internet people does he like me or not, how does he really feel? etc.
2. Or send him a text.

I suggest the latter.

Either he ignores it and you have your answer or he texts back, ye meet up again, then who knows what happens after that?

Maple

Mallei wrote: »

Push him out of your mind, OP. He sounds like a typical "user"; like so many young Irish men he wanted one thing and one thing only, and was willing to string you along to get that. Now you've given him what he wants he'll completely ignore you and move on the next young woman he can trick into sleeping with him.

Avoid him like the plague.

Mallei, please stop pushing your "all men are arseholes" agenda here. Your sweeping generalisations and hyperbolic statements have no place in PI.

Rein it in or bans/infractions will be handed out.

Maple

Maple

greengiant09 wrote: »

lol.....i actually anticipated your response mallei from reading your other posts. anti-men.....and very bitter. carrying your own issues into others. can't see how she was used.....2 adults spend the nite together.....how was she deceived?? he took her number but never called....big deal!! i'm a bloke and women have done this to me in the past.....it never entered my head that i had been used by them.

If you have a problem please report the post and let the forum moderators deal with it.

Maple

Katgurl

OP, I usually (not always though) tend to veer more toward the let-the-guy-chase but seeing as you asked for his number I dont see why you wouldnt just send him a text.

Yes, it would be nice if he texted frist and the fact he hasn't yet might suggest he is not interested but nobody can say for sure that's the case. Even if he is not too pushed yet but he might reconsider after a second date. He might even think "oh great, here's a super girl who knows what she wants, is straightforward and confident in herself, doesn't play games."

Life is for living. Send the man a text and see what happens. If you get nowhere, the world wont' stop spinning, there are a million other guys out there.

BraziliaNZ

I'm a man and i sometimes wait for the woman to text me, if i really like them, then i know for sure she likes me too. Give him a holler ffs.

LegacyUser

OP here,

thanks for the replies, I kind of agree with the first few that say if he was interested he'd have texted by now.....that said, Katgurl and Liam u made a point - I did ask for his number, and what do I have to lose.....

BraziliaNZ - I guess I'm doing what you like to do - I really want to know if the guy is interested and likes me and texts me first...to be fair, I'm kind of sick of making the first move on guys...I seem to always end up doing that and at the end of the day, I'm never really sure if he would have bothered chasing me/wanting to date me if I hadn't...

that said, I went and texted him anyways as in a 'oh hi, we should get a beer sometime'
to which he replied ' I'm partying right now, yeah sure lets have a beer any time. Cheers!'.......so I replied and suggested tomorrow evenign and so far no response...again, I'm gonna go with the first few posters - yeah ok he replied, but i'm not expecting anything more to come of it.....

dixiefly

You are open & comfortable enough with him to have sex that night and for him to stay around and repeat it etc the next day and chat etc etc.

You get his number.

And now you cant bring yourself to make any subsequent contact!!

The mind boggles. As indicated above just contact him if you want to develop things further.

And also note, the majority of one night stands are that....One Night Stands.

Liam Byrne

If you were in the middle of partying "right now", not knowing how long that would go on til or what state you'd be in tomorrow, would you accept a text invite ?

Anyway, no-one should ever "expect" anything to come out of meetings and contacts......you can expect a bus to arrive or the sun to rise, but they don't require other people; if it happens, then it's a bonus.....and if not there's no disappointment - view it a bit like a Lotto ticket and you'll get the idea.

Zebra3

should I? wrote: »

to be fair, I'm kind of sick of making the first move on guys...

You've already spent a night together yet you are still talking about making "the first move". It seems really strange to me.

I am a friend

should I? wrote: »

I went and texted him anyways as in a 'oh hi, we should get a beer sometime'
to which he replied ' I'm partying right now, yeah sure lets have a beer any time. Cheers!'.......so I replied and suggested tomorrow evenign and so far no response...again, I'm gonna go with the first few posters - yeah ok he replied, but i'm not expecting anything more to come of it.....

Hmmmm, i would leave it with him now. He had your number and didnt contact you and that response would not fill me with enthusiasm.. Let him off unless he comes to you and I would not (unless I wanted to be a fbuddy) sleeping with him again on the date.

beks101

I'd agree with the poster who suggested perhaps you're not being completely honest with yourself.

When someone is of 'fcuk buddy' potential to me I generally wouldn't give two thoughts to texting them and being forward, I wouldn't worry about shocking or offending them and I wouldn't wait for them to express their 'desire' for me if we'd already had sex - I would assume that speaks enough for itself. That to me is the benefit of fb situations - they are purely about sex, the physical overrides any emotional side that may or may not be there and the usual wooing-process you get with run-of-the-mill dating doesn't apply - it's somewhat skipped over so both of you can just get your rocks off. If you're already agonising over how this guy feels about you and how he's reacting to you I'd suggest maybe you want more from him than just another shag.

Judging his actions (awkward number exchange, no contact from him and then a vague text from him that essentially says nothing), the very most this guy is going to offer is another drunken shag, which may well be just as amazing as the first one but is possibly going to lead to further frustration for you down the line.

Miss Fluff

beks101 wrote: »

When someone is of 'fcuk buddy' potential to me I generally wouldn't give two thoughts to texting them and being forward, I wouldn't worry about shocking or offending them and I wouldn't wait for them to express their 'desire' for me if we'd already had sex - I would assume that speaks enough for itself. That to me is the benefit of fb situations - they are purely about sex, the physical overrides any emotional side that may or may not be there and the usual wooing-process you get with run-of-the-mill dating doesn't apply - it's somewhat skipped over so both of you can just get your rocks off. If you're already agonising over how this guy feels about you and how he's reacting to you I'd suggest maybe you want more from him than just another shag.

Couldn't have put it more eloquently myself. The above is bang on the money OP.

I think you may be the "lady who doth protest too much" when it comes to claiming you're only after him for sex. If he was just a casual shag to you I doubt very much you would have posted on Boards or spend time worrying and fretting about why he hasn't been in touch. You wouldn't give a flying fig.

Maybe use this experience to evaluate what you really want and then act on that accordingly.