How can i tell a friend im there for her

JackN688

i need to tell my friend how much i care for her..she is going through a rough patch and i need to make sure she knows that i will always be there for her...no matter what
Any ideas on how..we are close but not so close that she wil tell me...although i have a fair idea whats going on as she has mentioned things before to me....im glad shes getting help..im proud of her..so how can i let her know ?

Kiera

Just come out and say that you are there if she ever needs to vent/rant/cry/scream. I went through a tough time a while ago and a lot of my friends (even people who I wouldn’t tell my thoughts to) told me that they were there for me and it was a really comforting feeling. She will really appreciate it. Fair play to you

Smashhits

I would do just what you said above. Tell her that you know she's having a tough time at the moment, that if she doesn't want to tell you the reason that's ok with you and that if she does that you'll be there for her.
She will appreciate just knowing that you care.

JackN688

Thank you for your advice..is there anything else i can do to cheer her up?

Kiera

JackN688 wrote: »

Thank you for your advice..is there anything else i can do to cheer her up?

You could let her know you’re around if she fancies doing something to get her out of the house? I’m not sure how close you are so asking her to go for a walk or cinema might seem like you are looking for a date.

How do you usually hang out or see each other?

JackN688

Thanks again..
Thank you for your suggestion.. unfortunately we dont live that close..however me aking her to the cinema or whatever would be ok
We see each other everyday in school (im in 6th year) and we go to town every now and then

Kiera

Well there you go then. Asking her to head into town or the cinema would be nice. Don’t push her tho. If she has stuff going on she might not like people in her space too much. Best of luck

JackN688

Oh i wont..making her happy is mt priority whatever i can do to help i will..i care for her so i would never push her to do anything...
Thank you very much for the advice..i shall let you know how things are in the future

JackN688

Guys thanks for the comments...really appreciated...would little gifts..just small things be ott ? like i know she loves those little kinder surprise so maybe surprising her with one of those every now and then ? ... also she doesn't like me worrying about her but i cant not...what can i do to reassure myself

Kiera

I'd talk to her first and let her know you're there for her. Buying her stuff wouldn't be the best idea even tho you mean well. She could pick it up as you fancying her. I mean, you're not best mates or anything so I'd leave the gifts out.

JackN688

Thank you for that... this is very helpful ..that not entirely true we are good friends..she is one of my best..she once told me "friends are most important to me, and you play a vital role in that"...we dont fancy each other...we have discussed that and we know it would never work so we are just friends nonetheless i will take your advice
and how can i stop worrying about her so much ?

kfallon

Kiera wrote: »

Just come out and say that you are there if she ever needs to vent/rant/cry/scream. I went through a tough time a while ago and a lot of my friends (even people who I wouldn’t tell my thoughts to) told me that they were there for me and it was a really comforting feeling. She will really appreciate it. Fair play to you

OP - if you ever take heed of anything on boards please let it be this!

JackN688

I will do whats best for the most important girl in my life..whatever it takes

Kimia

I will be honest with you OP. You sound a bit obsessed with this girl, and your replies are giving me the impression that you feel way more for her than just friends, even though you say you've had the talk. Calling her the most important girl in the world to you, but on the other hand not knowing whether it would be ok to buy her a kinder surprise seems a bit contradictory to me. What is really going on here?

I'm going to make a leap and say that it appears you are using this unhappiness in her life as an opportunity to make yourself indispensable to her. You don't sound like a concerned friend - you sound like completely star-crossed and over the moon for her, which is nice, but it also doesn't sound like she feels the same, from what you've written.

Being there for someone is one thing, but trying to be their everything is another.. I don't think it'll go the way you hope.

JackN688

Im afraid i cant agree with you..our relationship is weird at its best..but i do not fancy her...she is important to me because i have known her for so long..i see what you are saying and i can see why you say it, that may seem like the case but it isn't..i asked for advice on that because i have only had one other real long time friend and i never buy him things...i know what you are saying but there is so much more to us than whats written here
I am concerned about her..it is killing me(metaphorically)..i have already seen a loved one battle with depression and i never did anything to help i only sat back and continued like nothing was going on...i dont want to see that happen again..the problem is i have no idea what to do...thats why i want advice...............btw what does op mean?

Taltos

OP means you

Can I suggest that maybe you scale it back a bit?
Gifts and all are lovely - but a gesture of an ear to listen to over a coffee will mean so much more - also gifts can be misinterpreted.

Also - as per Kimia - your descriptions are really full on here. With the utmost respect I really hope that you are not so descriptive with this girl? Right now she needs stability and normality - not a friend who is overboard in their protestations of "friendship".

Finally - you are in 6th year - you only have one or two months before you have to sit your leaving. While your concern for your friend is good - don't let it consume you to the point of jeapordizing your own future...
So make the offer but concentrate on your exams...

One thing that I am always afraid of is someone blundering in trying to help someone who really does need help. But the helper is not really equipped (trained) to help - so really the best you can do is let her know you are there and listen when she needs an ear. But remember - the more you push her to talk the more pressure you are pushing on her - so again - make the offer and then back off a bit.

JackN688

Why what has OP got to do with anything ?

I have given her nothing i am only wondering what to do..and i now know..thank you

I see where you are coming from and totally agree with you i will tell her i am there and thats it

Wise words from a clearly wise person...my leaving cert is very important to me..but i wont forget her completely she is still my friend and i will try my best to make her happy

Thank you so much for that..i know exactly what to say to her i thank you sincerley

JackN688

Thank you guys so much...i told her today straight out..she smiled told me that she knows i am there for her...and then told me the same thing i told her..then she hugged me said thanks again and we went to class

johnr1

Jack, OP = "Original poster" = in this case - you !

JackN688

Thank

LegacyUser

Simply let her know you'll be there if she needs to talk. I'm sure shes aware that you know something is up and its always nice to know you have a good friend to chat to if needed.