Golf causing tension at home...

VikingG

Hi,
I started to take up golf last June and have got a bit hooked... but the big issue is the amount of tension this has started at home. To start with my wife would have come from a starting point of "golfers are a crowd of snobby wa*kers"... and over the last year the tension would have moved on to the amount of time it takes.... with tension getting worse every weekend as I would go out with comments being thrown with regard to priorities etc.
So last weekend it exploded when she found out that I had bought a new driver and 3 wood 6 weeks ago and never told her.
At this point I would be interested in joining a club but feel that if I mention spending money on this all hell would break loose at home.

How does everyone else manage this?

strokes1

tell them nothing!

L.O.F.T

What priorities does she speak of when you headed out to play the other day? Do you have kids?

NoelAPM

I was lucky enough to get a misses who likes her lie in on the weekends, so I can go play golf and leave her sleeping.
Who likes to see me happy and therefore likes seeing me doing something I like.
Who realises being outdoors in the fresh air walking around has it's health benefits.

I think you need to go join a club regardless.

sollar

I know a few people in that predicament and i'd say its repeated around every course in the country.

Most problems seem to be caused when the round is organised for 11 or 12 on the weekend as the day is then basically taken up by it.

As far as the money is concerned you'll just have to be as discreet as most women are when wasting spending money on things like shoes, a dress that they'll never wear etc

stargazer 68

Doubt its an issue with money - spending on clubs etc. More so you are working all week (I assume) and then when the weekend comes you are off out again.

ssbob

For me, I was like you starting out playing a lot of golf but paying green fee's everywhere and anywhere so when I was going for a round, it would involve an hour or so to get there, an 4 hours on the course and then an hour home if I didn't have a bite to eat so basically was taking up a full weekend day. Earlier this year she agreed that I should join a club close by therefore I now go out in the evenings for 6-9 holes and I am home and all early and she doesn't mind me playing 18 on the weekend as long as I spend time with herself and the daughter.........

If its a case of priorities then I am sure you are not spending the mortgage money on those golf clubs...................

alxmorgan

What time do you generally tee-off at ?
My time is 8 or even before so I'm home before 1 and the best of the day is still ahead.

Plus there are weekends when you're dying for a game but you know you shouldn't as she would like to do X or Y.
I think if you join a club and play at the same time every week it becomes routine

And obviously you have to have give and take in all this

VikingG

L.O.F.T wrote: »

What priorities does she speak of when you headed out to play the other day? Do you have kids?

Yes we have kids... so heading out to play at the weekends after working all week is causing issues. Money isn't really the issue to be honest ... not loaded but can afford it at the moment.

Keano

Do you moan if she spends countless hours shopping and arrives home with yet more shoes/clothes that she will wear once before deciding she does not like them? Doubt it.

As someone just starting to take it serious I've explained to my OH that I'll be gone a lot and she's fine with it as she says herself "as long as you stick to it and it's not just another fad!" It's the only hobby I have and she's more than aware of the health benefit's but the mental ones. Getting out on the course is great for clearing the mind.

OP I think you need to have a chat with your wife and explain it's what you enjoy but will plan your games around spending time with her but as someone mentioned earlier not the same time every week as it will just become a weekly chore rather than fun day out with the lads

davgtrek

with Kids its surely a case of latest t time being 8:30 and that way back for 1 as previous poster said. maybe giver her the lie in on sat morn as u deal with kids etc. u prob need to be a bit more creative on your gear purchasing !!! there is simply no way to justify 4 or 5 hundred notes on a few drivers in any year so best bet is to not even try. as for joining a club you can surely do that for a fraction of the cost these days. golf is a killer for time.

hades

Pretty much the same as everyone else has said, book your times to suit her.

For me, she does stuff on saturdays with her mother, so i generally have a free reign on when i can play then. But sundays she has a lie in, so i'm out early and usually back in just after she wakes up.

One thing to do, as a beginner is to not have golf to be your "go to" activity, that was my error. I get a day off, i want to play golf, i get to finish work early, i want to play golf, if the evening is nice... you get the idea...

Just remember, your wife might want to do something with you too.

What i tend to do, is play my round and ask my wife to call up to the club after and we grab a bite to eat together. The golf widows usually strike up a friendship this way too, and then they plan accordingly.

ssbob

VikingG wrote: »

Yes we have kids... so heading out to play at the weekends after working all week is causing issues. Money isn't really the issue to be honest ... not loaded but can afford it at the moment.

WOuld the kids be interested in going out on the course with you even one evening? I brought our daughter out one day two weeks ago and she enjoyed the walk while the missus got a break at home to catch up on neighbours.......win win.

CaptainPendulum

I was in a similiar situation. It all boiled down to my wife not really having a hobby. She has taken up running again and problem solved. Like another poster, she also loves a lie in at the weekend. So, basically, I play one morning at the weekend and the other I mind the kids when my wife has a lie in followed by a run or an hour in town. It's working out really well. We spend Sat & Sun afternoons as a family then with the kids. I also love the morning I'm with the kids as it's "my" time with them.

L.O.F.T

VikingG wrote: »

Yes we have kids... so heading out to play at the weekends after working all week is causing issues. Money isn't really the issue to be honest ... not loaded but can afford it at the moment.

Same here, I've three kids. For me its early Sunday or Saturday mornings that I play, latest 8.30am. Perhaps do the lie in the morning your not golfing and take the pressure off. I do appreciate that if your not a member of a club you can't get an early slot so joining a club would solve the early morning slot issue. The fact is if you don't have a release such as golf you'll be no fun to be around on weekends either. Push for joining a local club where you'll be home by 12.30 any given weekend and everyone is happy, you get to play golf, she gets a lie in while you mind the kids the opposite day. When you get home from golf its still only 12.30 - 1pm and the day is not over by a long shot. You've got to join somewhere local to do this so this will be your starting point. Lots of give and take involved but I guarantee you you will play better golf when there is no hassle at home before you leave.

Raytown Rocks

Ask yourself this question ( I know its the golf forum so am prepared for the golf answer)

Whats more Important golf or your Family.

In fairness you can change the word golf for football/gaa/rugby/pub if they all take up a lot of time.

You need to find a happy medium I suppose.

My answer is GOLF btw...

alxmorgan

So sounds like formula is give and take.
I also mind the lad on one morning while she sleeps in and then I'm off early the other. No sleep in for me but that's the price I guess

Most clubs have online booking so getting an early slot isn't too hard ( barring huge demand)

BoardsMember

I have similar problems, especially at this time of year with interclub competitions, practise matches on away courses, club matchplay stuff in singles/fourball/foursomes, not to mention monhtly medals, golfer of the year, and the majors!

We have two young kids, so what I tend to do is take the kids off out one or other of the weekend mornings. Also, try to spend one of the afternoons en famille. One thing that has finally sunken in with me is that she really appreciates me telling her how much I enjoy the golf and thank her for looking after the kids etc. If you play badly and come home in a bad mood it is a really really bad idea! She's just thinking to herself WTF??

Anyhow, if you sort out spending time with her, the kids, doing the bits and pieces around the house etc it will become clear that golf can co-exist with a wife who is anti-golf. It's an ongoing battle, but it is workable!

ssbob

The other thing could be to get them into it? tried my missus, she came out once but not a hope ever again.....ha!!!

Get them a hobbie then it should be ok............

JOSman

Firstly, your selfish in spending money that she could spending.
Secondly, she's got to realise that you have a life with interests of your own.

Life is short, go have your game and enjoy yourself. Your kids will grow up and get on with their own lives and leave you to yourself. Keep your interest.


J

soundsham

get a new wife she sounds like a right b1tch

Mrs Bin laden is looking for a new hubby I hear.....and she doesn't need as much minding I'd say

Tom Fiat

Man that's negative
why not get a family pass to some club and play golf with your wife and kids - everyone wins (except the unlucky sods teeing off behind you!!)

alxmorgan

BoardsMember wrote: »

One thing that has finally sunken in with me is that she really appreciates me telling her how much I enjoy the golf and thank her for looking after the kids etc. If you play badly and come home in a bad mood it is a really really bad idea! She's just thinking to herself WTF??

Anyhow, if you sort out spending time with her, the kids, doing the bits and pieces around the house etc it will become clear that golf can co-exist with a wife who is anti-golf. It's an ongoing battle, but it is workable!

+1 on this. Regardless of how bad you play you have to come home with a smile. Otherwise it's like you've been gone for hours and now you're back you're in a bad mood - very very bad idea

Also you're NEVER tired. I'm come home after being up at the crack of dawn and played in tough conditions but keep quiet about how tired I am as again that's not fair. Can't bring it home with you - unless it's in a positive way

poconnor16

Female point of view....

its a balance really. If you are happy that you do spend enough time with your family and you are not totally neglecting that, then there is nothing wrong with playing.
Sounds to me like your wife needs to find a hobby of her own. Now not all womem like sports, fair enough. But do you give out about the time she spends going to the hairdressers, seeing friends, shopping for clothes? I doubt it.
Each party to a couple needs their 'me' time - its unhealthy not to have it. In my case, we both play golf (see, some of us women dont just buy clothes as previously referenced :mad:). But I dont always insist that we play together. Just because we share a hobby doesn't mean we have to share the time spent at it. Lads need their lads time - and this is a place where women dont belong. Simple.

Screaminmidget

Thank f*uck im single

k.p.h

I think making it a regular thing is the way to go. a.k.a Sunday mornings. Once thats set in stone after a few weeks their won't be questions asked. If you have responsibilities a balance dose have to be struck. I feel that of you tell someone how much something means to you then they should understand especially if they care for you.

It is worth noting that golf is an extreemly addictive and when people are addicted denial is usually not far behind.
Sometimes I find myself in bed at night running through shots in my head and i think "what the fcuk is wrong with me"!

On the money front I don't think anyone who doesn't play golf will get the cost of clubs. I got a bit of lip off the girlfriend about buying a driver last year. I got her some clubs for her birthday and now she is starting to improve pretty rapid so she is looking for a new driver (she likes the white one :rolleyes:). I think the whole thing is coming into perspective for her now. When your putting a lot of effort into something you don't want to be spending that energy and time trying to improve with the wrong tools for the job.

Just remember though golf will always be their for you, wives come and go

Ben1010

Since my wife got herself a new hobby, 2 long evenings a week, life on the golf course and at home got a whole lot better.

I never tell her that i got some new clubs, i alway tell her that i trade it in plus some extra cash!!!!:eek::eek::eek::eek:

I have 2 wee girls and it all about balancing it out...Wife appreciate me taking them out all day on a Saturday which leaves an opening on a Sunday which by the way i tee off at a 8am and if im back home by 1pm, i get extra brownie points. Happy days

Myksyk

Funny thread. But HUGELY important!!!! An amateur golf career absolutely depends on the state of the 'domestic economy'. Building of brownie points, 'visa' applications etc. Good advice on here to date. Especially like the 'never come home in a bad mood' warning. Generally speaking you have to pay for your golf. She will soon see she gets a lot out of it. Do things around the house, make it clear you're willing to do things in return for golf. Show her it makes you happy. Do mad things that you'd never do like iron, or do the washing. She'll get a kick out of it and it doesn't take too long. Tee Timing is important so the least impact possible the better.

I know this is evil but do not divulge info on new purchases if possible. I have changed clubs, shoes, bags, etc and information has been limited to 'need to know'.

If you're skilful you'll be getting out twice or three times a week in a year's time!!

Have an alternative like a driving range that gives you a golf hit without taking as much time.

BoardsMember

Can I just pre-empt another argument for the OP - be very delicate in introducing the idea that maybe she needs a hobby of her own. It could quite easily be interpreted as "get a life" or something similar. Basically, dont even think about introducing the topic when you are having a barny about golf. Introduce it over a romantic candle-lit dinner that you cooked some evening when you played golf earlier.

And rather than jump straight in, maybe try getting her a thoughtful present that she might like. A good idea might be to look into night courses near you. Technical colleges run all sort of stuff from massage (could be useful!!), to gardening to art history & painting etc etc. There has to be something there she'd like.

If you do tha above, and in stone time for herself, and time for you as a familiy things will be a lot easier all round. I know, I have been there!

JD Dublin

Folks I agree with most of what was said, and your missus sounds fair enough.

I have been in conversations where one of the lads I play in an occasional fourball with constantly has to lie to get out to play a game of golf i.e. 'the missus thinks I'm at work' sort of thing - who knows whats going on in those houses?

Personally I shoot for a start of at least 830, earlier if possible. Also I tend to go for 9 holes even on the weekend, at least 4 hours isn't gone from the weekend. Unless you are in a competition, 9 holes is a reasonable outing.

Other killers are travel time, and spending time in the 19th hole, even just drinking coffee and chatting - an hour goes by real quick!

As for buying the drivers, dont tell me every guy knows the price of every pair of shoes - so why would you think every woman knows the price of every golf driver?

davo10

During the summer I bring the kids to football, swimming lessons, dancing lessons, camps etc. I explained to my wife that golf is my 4 hours per week stress relief. To be honest if the tension is as bad as you describe, you need those couple of hours more than most of us.

Failing that you could always tell your wife to go out and get "a bit on the side" to fill in while you're away.

VikingG

Guys.... thanks for all the good advice.... well maybe expect for the piece that suggested I should tell my wife to "get a bit on the side"!!
Don't want to turn the forum into a marriage counselling service .. I just got so frustrated over the weekend... I think that I made the mistake over the last few months of "not telling"... i.e not telling on the clubs I bought or saying I was off to work when I had the morning off to go out and play..... I think the new strategy will be more open while also laying it on the line.... and then on the other hand trying to give a little at other times...