35 going on 13?

Kanoe

I was going to go unregged but ..I stumbled across this the other day while looking for something totally unrelated and it was like being hit over the head with a hammer. I laughed because I'm a textbook teen but at the same time I became aware of how much this has affected my life. (untold numbers of unregged posts wouldn't come close to covering it )
I know life is tough at any rate but any other teenagers out there?

Aard

I'd say it's pretty common. Just go to any gay bar and watch, bewildered, as grown men act like they're at Wesley (or whatever the kids go to nowadays). I also imagine it's something you'd get over relatively fast.

Tbh, I think it's this "second adolesence" that makes a lot of men, who seemingly should have more sense, a bit promiscuous and reckless.


EDIT: Oh, you're female right? Maybe this post isn't that relevent so...

Kanoe

..maybe.


edit..k it's not the promiscuity part that I'm trying to sell although I do tend to develop several "relationships" at the same time while technically remaining single. They're not all sexual, say for example sake I'd have one emotional, one physical one intellectual and one..something else, like a spare or something just in case and I'm no less involved at some level in each. its like trying to stuff everything in, in a short space of time, which can be exhausting and more than that there's all the crap that goes with it. I know the obvious answer would be to just stick to one but I don't feel like I go out there consciously to do it, it's just what seems to be available to me right now. Then there's how I deal with relationships in my responses or reactions to them. there are times when I genuinely don't give a fcuk and then others when I'm torn apart. which would all be fine and well if i didn't have "another" life that was very stable and full of responsibilities up until I came out.

(most people think i'm still in my 20's and it's not so much about trying to appear younger or be younger, it's more about not having the experience of knowing how to handle relationships. and three of the four of those relationships I referenced didn't develop from "the scene")

edit part deux; also not having the experience of coming out and bonding with "the community" at a younger age tends to set you apart from it in a lot of ways. some ways are good, less the stereotyping but in other ways it's like a support system which you feel doesn't really apply to you.

Aard

You probably just need to play the field, which is something an 18 yo can get away with much easier than somebody in their 30s.


WRT the "community", I came out young and I've never felt supported by it.

diddlybit

zxy wrote: »

I do tend to develop several "relationships" at the same time while technically remaining single. They're not all sexual, say for example sake I'd have one emotional, one physical one intellectual and one..something else, like a spare or something just in case and I'm no less involved at some level in each. its like trying to stuff everything in, in a short space of time, which can be exhausting and more than that there's all the crap that goes with it.

This brings back memories. I used to do this and you're absolutely right, it is absolutely exhausting. (Not any more, not because I was done with all that, just that I'm in a different situation now.) I don't, however, regret it for a second because it gave me a whole bunch of experiences that I can look back on, that if I had have tried to be "responsible", I would have missed out on. If this is what you want and makes you happy, I wouldn't worry about it. In a way, it's almost ideal, because you have a diffrent person to relate to for every aspect of yourself, that possibly one person can't satisfy.

But if you are tired with it, maybe it's time to move on.

My advice on how to handle multiple relationships is to always be honest, be very clear of what type of relationship it is, and what the person can expect from you. Don't do what I did because otherwise it just turns into an emotional carcrash.

Follow your gut (or crotch, brain and heart ); there is no right or wrong way of doing these things.

Kanoe

Ha thanks, it helps to know I think maybe I'm used to being the responsible one so I don't really want it all to turn into a tragedy of shakespearean proportions, it's been a bit of a rollercoaster but for now at least I'm breathing a sigh of relief and waiting for the next adventure to arrive. Hopefully this time there will be a little more clarity and a lot less complexity.
I'd like to think I'm at least 24 now anyway :cool:

diddlybit

Was walking to training today thinking about my earlier reply. I have one regret, not following my own bloody advice!:rolleyes:

Kanoe

Hindsight is always 20/20
I think it's a necessary part of the process anywy but happy enough to put it all behind me at this stage, being a teenager was bad enough first time round. :P

shoegirl

Aard wrote: »

Tbh, I think it's this "second adolesence" that makes a lot of men, who seemingly should have more sense, a bit promiscuous and reckless.


EDIT: Oh, you're female right? Maybe this post isn't that relevent so...

Oh its absolutely relevant! And for women its often 45 going on 15, complete with schoolgirl bitchiness, jealousy and the insider/outsider kind of ****e that separatism instigates (I really am starting to believe that much of lesbian separatism is an unconscious effort to recreate the gender exclusive school environment of your teens...)

I don't think its just about feelings or coming out late though, it was out from my late teens, but basically my feelings and sexuality were more or less shut down, since there were no opportunities whatsoever to date or anything else. So they simply went dormant until I was about 26 - and then exploded.

The big thing is the sudden move from zero opportunity to rich opportunity. Its hard in this phase to really evaluate relationships and encounters as you have gone from nothing to loads and its still a question of sifting through who you really have a chance of a future with versus the next 6 hours....

The big issues are really managing the rest of your life as a mature adult in control of yourself when all this chaos is going on around you, and learning to adapt to the differences with hetero society (where there is a much bigger connection between different aspects of your life - like for example lots of hets meet their SOs through work - something very exceptional for gays I think).

Kanoe

I only just had a conversation with someone about the same thing, he said it's easy to feel like a teenager when you're in a playground environment. (uh and i went to a mixed school with a much higher ratio of boys to girls so I'm not used to that carry on at all )

shoegirl wrote:

The big issues are really managing the rest of your life as a mature adult in control of yourself when all this chaos is going on around you, and learning to adapt to the differences with hetero society (where there is a much bigger connection between different aspects of your life - like for example lots of hets meet their SOs through work - something very exceptional for gays I think).

I think I was lucky that I was able to meet people, through people, in a very hetero environment and I don't think/believe I would ever meet anyone other way. (unfortunately the only one that mattered was straight she says yes society says NO society wins) really good point to make.

Kanoe

I hate society