child social problem

gsxr1

This is a tricky subject before I start.

I live in an estate. With my family.

I am a parent with a 7 year old boy.

He has lived here all his life and was in fact the first child to live in the estate of 80 odd apartments and houses.

This is where it get tricky.

Recently there has been a big community of black families move in. Lots of kids with them. About 10 kids with lots of black kids coming from another near estate to play.

My kid is the only white Irish kid in the street.
He has been happily playing with those kids until the numbers grew. Now we are having big problems with them. They are all claning together and attacking my kid.
Its plain to see he is being singled out because he is the white sheep in the group. He has always been taught to stand and fight when the going gets tough , but now he has a linch mob out after him each evening. Its making me very concerned. He knows why he is being teased and bullied by now . The fact that he is irish and the rest are not has become very apparent to him without any adult input.

I am trying to tread tenderly with the kids without being branded a racist to them.

any ideas on how to approach the parents of the bully ring leaders:(

metrovelvet

Move. You cant win this. The parents wont give a crap and wont be able to control it.

Prop Joe

Go to your local TD or a Garda someone that you feel will be sensitive about it and ask there advice.Maybe you can get relocated or something.But this i'm sure is happening all over.Its Either Black's or Traveller's

gsxr1

cant move. we own the house we live in. im not letting this push us from our home.

Prop Joe

Good on Ya,Not sure what the solution is.

Orion

Prop Joe is a black character in The Wire. Which makes the racist remark above ironic as well as earning the poster a week off this forum. Any further blatantly racist remarks will earn a similar fate.

_ariadne

you cant force kids to behave a certain way, so i wouldn't be trying to change the other children's attitude to your son.

I would just make a big effort to give your son as many other opportunities to socialize away from the estate. activity/sports camps during th summer, lots of school friends/cousins over to th house for him to play with, sports etc at the weekends.

kelle

_ariadne wrote: »

you cant force kids to behave a certain way, so i wouldn't be trying to change the other children's attitude to your son.

I would just make a big effort to give your son as many other opportunities to socialize away from the estate. activity/sports camps during th summer, lots of school friends/cousins over to th house for him to play with, sports etc at the weekends.

+1

If your son wants to play outside, could you stay with him at all times - the other children are not as likely to misbehave when you're watching them.

I don't really know what else to advise - I've spoken to many people who grew up on estates and bullying can be a problem, doesn't matter what nationality they are. I feel sorry for your son, he sounds like a friendly little guy who just wants playmates, so defintely have him invite his schoolfriends over on a regular basis.

smelltheglove

It is a very awkward situation alright. I sympathise with you and wish I could give you some advice. I would echo the above mentioning approaching the td. It could be possible that some of these are living in rented homes and anti social behaviour can be reported to the landlords. Also if any of them are receiving rent allowance you could possibly get in touch with the local health centre, explain to them the issues you are having with the anti social behaviour of these residents.

It is not fair on your son and I would not let it lie, skin colour does notcome into my advice in any way or form, just to make that clear, its not acceptable no matter what nationality the bullies are.

Maga

How old are the kids? Any chance you could have a chat with the parents and suggest you guys organize some sort of a "cultural party"?

You will probably have to live with these families and with these kids for quite a while, and the bullying started probably mainly from ignorance about the Irish culture, or a desire to be the strong majority. But if you could break the cycle and get both parts curious and proud of their cultures, maybe it would bring a better relationship for the kids and for the parents?

Matbe you could suggest a little party where each kid brings some food from their country, or a cartoon, or a toy, or teaches a game/song to the others? Your son could bring some Irish friends and teach some Irish culture too.

They say when there is a huge elephant in a room, the best thing is to introduce the elephant as soon as possible. Ok, so there are the "blackies" and the "gringos". How about trying to make each side see each other as just people? I'd guess the parents would appreciate it too, and if the kids are young enough, they might join in.

ash23

Do you know any of the parents? Personally, I'd try to talk to the parents first in a non-confrontational way. Just say that your son is feeling picked on as all the other boys tend to single him out.
If they aren't helpful, then all you can do is get your son to ignore them. Perhaps start having his school friends over to play.

Frankblank

I would certainly approach my local representatives, gardai etc. Try to discuss this with them as a local issue rather than a personal issue between your son and these other children. I would also approach your son's school and ask them to begin a discussion about feeling intimidated and being bullied and how to cope with it. If the other children attend the same school that's great, if not approach their school too. Try to discuss this with others in an objective way. Make the point that other children who may be bullied might be too afraid to tell it at home and that this presents a serious problem.
Reassure you son. For what it's worth my son, now an happy, successful adult, recently told me he was bullied at play and school. He says it's part of growing up and learning to deal with it and that all boys are either bullies or being bullied at some time.

Help you son to cope and keep reassuring him. Keep listening to him too. good luck.