he cheated

LegacyUser

I recently found out my boyfriend cheated on me .
We met on-line and dated for about two months during which time we where both seeing other people then We had the ' lets not see anyone else' conversation . we both agreed that we were a couple and that we loved each other . I now know for a fact that he spent the night in a hotel room with someone else one month after the big conversation and that for a period of at least two months after that he was involved in something with another girls there are at least two I know about .

We are now seeing each other over two years its a long distance thing we are two hours away from each other and my head is wrecked form wondering what other lies he has told me or is still telling me . Have I been taken for a fool all this time ? We have spoken about marriage and how we will be together for ever . I feel so stupid I really trusted him and I am in such shock . There is no doubt that the information I have is correct I don't know what to do . I haven't told him I know this yet but he knows there is something up. We spoke on the phone last night and he was telling me how much he loved me and I was thinking you are a liar . What should I do ?

Uriel.

OP,

It is a difficult situation for you, I feel for you.

One way of looking at it is that he may have cheated early in the relationship and perhaps, although agreeing to be committed, wasn't 100% sure. He is now 100% sure about you (singularly and plurally) and is committed and faithful to you.

But, the problem that's no way of going on. If he wasn't sure about you, he should have had the balls to tell you that and go on in a non-exclusive manner or just both gone your separate ways.

Instead, he took your love and danced on it to be honest. You are in a long-distance relationship and that presents plenty of opportunities for him (and you) to play the field unbeknown to the other. So you are right in wondering what else he has been up to.

Firstly, you need to have the conversation with him, get it out in the open. And take it from there and then decide if you can (or want to) trust him again and if you can build a meaningful future together (without holding his cheating over the head of your relationship).

How do you know he cheated btw?

LegacyUser

i will get slated for this but I am going to say it anyway . I feel bad enough already so i don't want this thread to turn into a discussion on me checking his email which is what i did there were emails from and to girls with intimate pictures a recipient for booking a hotel room for two when he was meant to be at home with his family and we were in a commited relationship he left it open and I could not help looking . I am also bothered by the fact that he kept the emails and pictures etc . But I am not sure how to bring up the subject with out it turning into a fight about me checking his email

LegacyUser

Hey there OP. I hope you are ok after a shock like that.
It is worth looking at the source of the info you got....if it was the woman involved then have a think about it because sometimes there can be overlapping at the start of a relationship. This happened to me and I forgave him because I realised he wasn't ready to commit to me after a few weeks, and the woman in question harassed me by phone for a year after he cheated with her at the start of our relationship.
He has been a good boyfriend for years since then. If your guy has been a good boyfriend for years then perhaps you need to relax and remember his actions have been loving for quite a while. The long distance thing can warp and encourage insecure feelings.

LegacyUser

he cheated wrote: »

i will get slated for this but I am going to say it anyway . I feel bad enough already so i don't want this thread to turn into a discussion on me checking his email which is what i did there were emails from and to girls with intimate pictures a recipient for booking a hotel room for two when he was meant to be at home with his family and we were in a commited relationship he left it open and I could not help looking . I am also bothered by the fact that he kept the emails and pictures etc . But I am not sure how to bring up the subject with out it turning into a fight about me checking his email

Dont dare feel guilty for checking his emails, you have found out what you needed to find out. IMO a cheat never changes their spots.

I have been there and i was the one who was made feel like the bad one for looking at his emails.....my ex turned everything out to be him not trusting me,, while he was off with 2 other woman.

Get rid hun you are worth so much more then that.
Hold your head up high and walk away.

LegacyUser

Sandwich Time wrote: »

Hey there OP. I hope you are ok after a shock like that.
It is worth looking at the source of the info you got....if it was the woman involved then have a think about it because sometimes there can be overlapping at the start of a relationship. This happened to me and I forgave him because I realised he wasn't ready to commit to me after a few weeks, and the woman in question harassed me by phone for a year after he cheated with her at the start of our relationship.
He has been a good boyfriend for years since then. If your guy has been a good boyfriend for years then perhaps you need to relax and remember his actions have been loving for quite a while. The long distance thing can warp and encourage insecure feelings.

sandwich time you make some good points but there were also photos send by him its not just one girl its at least two and the there is also the booking for two for a hotel room in the town he lives in on a date he wasn't with me . You are correct in saying long distance warps things but I really think adding this up and recent issues with our relationship are the problem and not that . I can't believe he did that after all he has said to me he was the one that asked we be together properly and now I am left wondering what he is doing when he is not with me . all i want is a relationship where there is trust and love and now I think it was all a lie . I am totally freaked out that it just one email address he uses I know he has several and I have descended in to plans on how to get into the rest .I don't want to be like this I thought this was it for me I love him and didn't want anything else now it looks like I am not enough for him

I am a friend

So you had definitely agreed to be 'exclusive' by this stage? Then he cheated. You need to ask him.

Do you still have the email? Produce it the next time you meet him so he doesnt ahve a chance to make up a story..

What you did was wrong but its the lesser of the two evils.

Kevin Duffy

He has cheated on you, you invaded his privacy, you have no reason to trust each other. Why are you still together?