Don't want to go on Hols

Brown Eyed Girl 2011

Hi Boardsies,

Am in a bit of a mess that I don't know how to get out of.

I have been casually seeing a guy for a good while now. He has said he wants more but just needs time.

Things have been going well between us lately and we talked about going on holidays. This then became a reality and flights are booked for Italy in 8 weeks.

Problem is, I just realised that I don't want a relationship with this guy. Maybe things have come to a head cos he has been dragging his heels for us to become boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm not quite sure what it is, but it just occured to me that I don't want anything further.

I think with that in mind, the holiday would be a really bad idea. But I hate the idea of letting him down as well. My question is should I go on the holiday but tell him its not going to lead anywhere, or do I just cut my losses and save us both the hassle?

Please help.

Thanks.

tinkerbell

Why would you want to waste another 8 weeks of your life on some guy just because you've planned to go on hols with him? That's a crazy idea to stay with him just because of that.

You're better off telling him now, rather than things blowing up between you while you're abroad in a foreign country, with nobody around to support you.

Brown Eyed Girl 2011

Thanks Tinkerbell for your reply, do you think its a terrible thing to do to cancel though, he'll be out of pocket for his own flights?

Kevin Duffy

You may feel you're being unkind by cancelling now, but it would be even more unkind to let him go on a holiday with someone who doesn't want to be there with him.

He can go ahead without you if he doesn't want to waste the flights or miss the holiday. He could pay the fee to transfer the tickets to someone else.

Chinafoot

Carrying on a charade of a relationship that you don't want for the sake of a holiday you don't want to go on would be a very shítty thing to do. It would be far kinder to be honest with this man and tell him you don't want the relationship to continue.

When it comes to costs already incurred for the holiday, I'd suggest you pay half of everything so far. Pay for your own flight and pay half of any hotel deposits that will be lost due to cancellation.

If either you or this man decide you want to go on the holiday you can sort out costs at a later date. Get past the break-up first before you start worrying about that though.

tinkerbell

2 months is a long time in a new relationship to string someone along. If everything has been paid for, pay for your share and don't go.

It is not a terrible thing to cancel if by not cancelling, you will be doing a horrible thing. He will think you like him, when actually you don't want to be with him at all. What are you gonna do on holiday if you don't want to be intimate with him? He's gonna know something's up.

In the two months leading up to it, he can hopefully find a friend or someone to go with him instead of you.

LegacyUser

put it this way, not going on the holiday is saving you and him money, dont see it as money wasted! I think your better off doing it now, as has been mentioned, when you get back, you will probably leave it another few weeks to break it off. There is no good or easy way to go about this, but think of it this way, this time next week, do you want to have the deed over and done with or be sitting here pondering the same dilema? if you are with mr wrong, you are not available to meet mr right!