"you hit me, you hit me"

Whispered

On friday morning, I arrived home from a night away, to my sister in a very distressed state. Apparently, all morning, the neighbour (17 or 18 year old male) had been fighting with his girlfriend. She had been shouting such things as "you hit me", "do you want to add wife beater to the list of everything else" and "please get off me".

Now under normal circumstances I would be very upset myself, but this young couple have ridiculously dramatic fights at least once a week. Only a while ago she was sitting in the middle of the road, crying into her phone "why do you do this to me". I have heard him tell her to get out and her refuse until he "answers her questions". I have seen her scream "you're hurting me" out their back garden when he is not anywhere within touching distance of her.

When they realised we could hear, he was telling her to shut up, and she was screaming that she "doesn't give a f**k if people hear".

I was very tempted to call the guards, the problem is, the mother works for the guards and as the only house attached to theirs, they will make a very good guess of who called. To top it off, if he is the type to hit a woman, well I'm alone a lot of the time and don't want to have to fear for myself.

I've been thinking of knocking in and speaking to the mother, but I would imagine she will tell me to mind my own business. The boy speaks to her like crap, calls her names etc. So she's not going to do anything about it.

Would you have called the guards, regardless of the consequences to relationships between the two houses? By the time I got in the fight was pretty much over. I feel I should have, but because I will be living here for a long time to come, and I have suspicions that the girl involved is a melodramatic at the best of times I didn't. I know within the next few days similar will happen again, this time I'm thinking I'll either knock the door and ask if everything is ok, or I will call the police. If he is hitting her, it should stop him, if he's not it might embarrass her into keeping their fights to themselves.

Ickle Magoo

Are you renting or owner?

If you rent I'd just be yelling at them to shut up and looking to move out ASAP. If you own then I'd have a word with the mother that if it happens again, you'll be calling the guards and hope that triggers a turn around in behaviour. I wouldn't hold my breath though, we had neighbours like that and there was almost certainly drink/drugs involved and talking to them or calling the cops made no difference whatsoever.

xzanti

Don't touch this with a bargepole.. It's unfortunate that you have to listen to it, but if it were me I'd invest in a pair of ear plugs and turn a blind eye..

You'll bring nothing but trouble on yourself if you get involved.. I gaurantee you it'll make no difference their relationship, only now they'll have a third party to turn their aggression on..

tenchi-fan

Don't get involved. If he's hitting her, welll.. too bad for her really.

If you just don't like the noise you should consider moving.

Whispered

Thanks for the replies so far. We own the house so can't move, we also love where we live so probably wouldn't anyway. I know it's not really any of my business, but she seems to be a bit younger than him (I've seen her in a school uniform) and it would kill me to think of someone being hurt. I should probably stay out of it, but it will be pretty hard if I'm sitting there listening to someone scream "don't hit me". I'm also worried that my husband might flip and say something to him. However hard for me to listen to, it will drive my husband insane to think a woman is being bet up next door.

Micky Dolenz

Ring the Gardai and let them deal with it. You don't have to leave a name, just say you are a concerned neighbour.

kevin99

Ring the gardai. You don't have to tolerate this breach of privacy by your neighbours.
They are also in breach of the Noise Pollution Act.
You don't have to be subjected to this verbal abuse and claims of assault by your neighbour's daughter or son or whatever.
Let them know you mean business.
Doesn't matter whether the mother works for the gardai or not.
You have your rights. Exercise them.

ppink

if it was me I would probably call the guards.

I would call in when the guards are there and ask her if she is ok that I thought someone had broken in and was attacking her!....kind of an innocent like warning to all of them that this screaming is being noticed in the neighbourhood.

we had a neighbour come to our house when I was young due to the screaming:o. he thought we were being murdered but it was only my sister beating the daylights out of me:eek::o

Fittle

It's always quite difficult to comment on possible domestic violence issues, particularly when we don't know all the facts.

But I had a sister in law like your neighbour OP (my brothers wife). They split up hundreds of time, and each time she claimed he had hit her etc - but for the fact that I had seen her behaviour on numerous occassions myself, I would have believed her. She did exactly what your neighbour is doing - shouted through the roof that he was hitting her, when in fact he was doing nothing of the sort - sometimes, myself and other family would be in the same room as them and she'd yell 'Did you see that..he hit me!!! (usually with drink taken:rolleyes:), when we saw ourselves that he never touched her. Roll on many years and they are still together, in the unhappiest of relationships - both in their 50s now and are the couple who sit in the pub and don't speak all night....they should have split years ago....

Anyway, I digress, but I just wanted to point out that there are other women like your neighbour, without meaning to undermine domestic violence in any way.
Ring the guards and report what you have heard, that would be my advice. Unfortunately, there is little else you can do - and don't get involved, no matter what else you do.

whatdoicare

My own neighbours are the same- you can tell when the wife is home coz she starts screaming from the second she gets in.
My advice, do what I'm doing- keep out of it and if the noise keeps going longer than five minutes turn on the tv/radio to the rock music channel (kerrang works for me) and turn it up full blast- as loud as u can stand- that'll give them the hint that you're listening. Works for me.


(My husband thinks it's funny to get young kids to play that ringing doorbell game at the neighbours house when they are full on into an argument....works for him.... passive aggressive- that's how good neighbours do things : P)