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Worried about my love life

  • 01-05-2011 12:04am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Im 21 male and i am currently very worried about my love life. I have not had a proper relationship (i had a small thing for a few weeks about a year and a half ago but shes gone now and its very very much over but i would love to have her back but shes probly moved on so i had to build a bridge and get over it) anyway im worried that im getting a bit old. I have 2 older sisters and they had relationships when they were 21. I have my sisters wedding coming up in september and im going to be alone for that, I just want a answer what am i doing wrong in life that i cant have a simple relationship and be like everyone else is it my looks, my voice, my hair???.

    Im not overweight, lazy, have a job, im decent looking in my opinion maybe a bit pale but in cant do much about that.

    Im on Smooch.com and Plentyoffish but have had no joy on them.

    I believe in god and jehovah very much. so is it something i did or said that is keeping love away from me ???.

    I hear everyone say that relationships are overrated but almost everyone who is in one looks so happy.

    I would love to get married by the time im 30 but 9 years is not much time to be starting from the bottom imo.

    I dont care about Sex and would much rather a relationship first than popping my cherry first.

    I dont use facebook becasue of something in the past and just would not feel comterble on it

    Anyone any advice ie whats the best way to start.


Comments

  • #2
    purity
    Closed Accounts Posts: 249 ✭✭purity


    Your very young, 21 is too young to settle down. The reason you haven't found someone is maybe because you are scaring them away by being too full on and wanting to settle. Most 21 year olds don't want to settle down and want to go out and have fun.
    This is my opinion I don't know you but from your op I feel your comparing yourself to those around you. Your not a freak or abnormal maybe people in your age group want casually dates and nothing serious.
    Don't put yourself down and realise good things come to those that wai


  • #3
    Kevin Duffy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,439 ✭✭✭Kevin Duffy


    lonley guy wrote: »
    Im on Smooch.com and Plentyoffish but have had no joy on them.

    In the Gentleman's Club and The Ladies's Lounge Forums there are lengthy threads discussing the success, problems and pitfalls of this kind of dating. It might be worth your while having a look if you are using them.
    lonley guy wrote: »
    I believe in god and jehovah very much. so is it something i did or said that is keeping love away from me ???.

    No, it is nothing you said or did that is "keeping love away from" you, nor is it any deity.
    lonley guy wrote: »
    I hear everyone say that relationships are overrated but almost everyone who is in one looks so happy.

    There is no real way of telling what any relationship is like from the outside. The people saying they are generally overrated are wrong, the people who look happy may well be happy, but lots of people aren't happy in their relationships. There is no universal definition of what is success or happiness in relationships, it's up to the people in them to make them what they want them to be.
    lonley guy wrote: »
    I would love to get married by the time im 30 but 9 years is not much time to be starting from the bottom imo.

    If you met someone tomorrow, 9 years would actually be quite a long pre-marriage relationship. It's also better to aim to get married, or any other landmark in your life, when it's right, not by some objective schedule.
    lonley guy wrote: »
    Anyone any advice ie whats the best way to start.

    The best advice I would have to give would be to relax, don't focus on this too much, enjoy the fact that at 21 you have so much ahead of you and to use your time to enjoy life. You will meet people, things will happen and you will have the chance to make good relationships of all kinds.

    Best of luck.


  • #4
    karaokeman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,328 ✭✭✭karaokeman


    One question.

    If your sisters had relationships when they were 21, does this mean it was their first relationship.

    It could still happen to you yet if you had a short-term reltionship at 19 (presuming you said a year and a half ago).

    But don't worry about it too much. I have an uncle who had his first girlfriend at 23 and they were so much in love they got married less than a year later, so you could get married well before 30.

    Even so you might just meet someone in the next few weeks and then end up on the dating scene for the next 9 years. Remember that its always harder when you've never had a girlfriend because the more experience you get with relationships the easier it will get.

    And yeah relationships are overrated. The couples you see may look happy but whose to say they never have any fights when no one else is around. Expressions will always be different in public, remember that.

    But don't worry about it, you will meet someone when you least expect it and your whole life will change from there.


  • #5
    Firetrap
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,442 ✭✭✭Firetrap


    With thinking like that, you'll be single for a long time. Sorry if I'm being tactless but as a woman, someone saying stuff like that would have me running screaming to the hills. I can practically smell the desperation and that is a turn off.

    You need to slow down. You are 21 years of age. You are still quite a young man with a lot of life ahead of you. You are putting yourself under enormous pressure to (a) lose your virginity (b) meet "the one" as soon as you humanly can. You sound too like you're not all that happy in yourself and that isn't going to help you either. It's one of the oldest clichés in the books but you need to work on loving yourself. Being single can be lonely at times, especially when you see couples everywhere or when you're invited to a wedding but you need to learn to be happy with that too. It has advantages as well.

    So really, what you need to do is keep going out with your friends. Be pleasant and chat to people. Relax and don't come across as being too intense. Don't view every young woman who you meet as a potential girlfriend.


  • #6
    Fentdog84
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 936 ✭✭✭Fentdog84


    lonley guy wrote: »
    anyway im worried that im getting a bit old.NO YOU ARE NOT. I have 2 older sisters and they had relationships when they were 21. SO? I have my sisters wedding coming up in september and im going to be alone for that,YOU'LL BE FINE, PROBABLY WILL BE SOME OTHER SINGLE PEOPLE THERE. Im not overweight, lazy, have a job, im decent looking in my opinion maybe a bit pale but in cant do much about that. DOSENT MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE ITS A POSITIVE ATTITUDE THAT COUNTS. WORK ON IT.

    Im on Smooch.com and Plentyoffish but have had no joy on them.
    NO BIG DEAL. TRY AND MAKE YOUR PROFILE FUN AND INTERESTING RATHER THAN MUNDANE.

    I believe in god and jehovah very much. so is it something i did or said that is keeping love away from me ???.
    POSSIBLY. TONE DOWN THE BIBLE TALK, NO DISRESPECT OR THAT THERE ISNT ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT, BUT IT MAY NOT BE APPEALING UNLESS SHE IS HERSELF QUITE RELIGIOUS.

    I hear everyone say that relationships are overrated but almost everyone who is in one looks so happy.
    PEOPLE IN THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIPS ARE HAPPY. BUT DONT GO INTO ANY RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE YOU FEEL YOU HAVE TO.

    I would love to get married by the time im 30 but 9 years is not much time to be starting from the bottom imo.
    PLENTY OF TIME

    I dont care about Sex and would much rather a relationship first than popping my cherry first.
    IF THATS YOUR CHOICE ITS FINE, BUT IT MIGHTENED SUIT EVERYONE

    I dont use facebook becasue of something in the past and just would not feel comterble on it
    NOT AS ESSENTIAL AS WE ARE TOLD IT IS



    Anyone any advice ie whats the best way to start.
    GO FORTH AND BE HAPPY


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