Really down about life! (19 year old male)

letsbehonest

Hi!
I am a 19 year old male and I actually see no future or point in my life!
Well I am doing the leaving cert and it's a disaster I got 290 points in the pres which isn't much. I just can't focus or study. Will explain why below.
Well from an early age I was diagnosed with a speech disorder. I attended speech therapy up until the age of 12. This used take up a few hours a week and I missed a lot of school as a result. I finished attending speech therapy when I was about to go into secondary school. This is when I took up Irish and there was certain people who felt needed to mock me over this as well as the way I talked. Bullying got really bad for me when I went into secondary school I suppose I was bit of a freak and didn't exactly fit in. I think I made a big effort in first year to study and prove people wrong and back then I did!
When I was in first year I was bullied by a lot of people. I was called names and mocked kicked and punched. One day a guy pushed my head into a vice and caused me to get a lump on my head as a result I had to report it to the school bullying teacher. Who didn't deal with the matter well. The bullying got a lot worse and I was called a rat etc by most of the class. However one afternoon I was late leaving school and this guy attacked me and he pis*ed on me. This was seen by people and it really knocked my self confidence. I got on through the rest of 1st year as I did with the other years of secondary school.
I was often badly bullied but I managed to get through it.
Now this is where my biggest problem is I was well I think I was sexually abused by a man when I was aged between about 10 to about 14. I have memories of this man touching my penis and w**king me and make me do the same to him. Also there was some oral sex as well. I never asked for this and It's recking my head now because I am very confused about my sexuality. I don't know whether I am gay/bi or straight. I do find guys attractive but I hate this! This man really controlled me and threatened to kill me. He also stopped me from seeing my friends and said he would kill me if I ever told anyone outside of the abuse this man was really nice tome and treated me nicely and bought me gifts etc. I got really angry when I was aged between 15 and 16 and I was kind of happy expressing my anger but one day I did something and my father beat the crap out of me. So I stopped this!
I just see no point in life to be honest.
Any advice?

Ickle Magoo

The sheer volume of threads you have created about this topic on this forum and on others would suggest there is nothing the posters here can do or say to help you. You really need to seek professional help rather than continuing to post on boards or other forums for help.

If you need to talk to someone in the meantime then you may find some useful contacts [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=70677479&postcount=3"]here[/URL] but posters here have offered all the advice they can - it's up to you now to take it on board.

All the best.