maintenance dilema

shnfar

Hi, my first time on this so please bare with me. My wife and i have seperated, with no chance of us getting back together. we have two children 3, 6. we have a house together and large morgage witch i pay. we are living in seperate houses because we cant be around each other. I have our kids from 5pm monday,they sleep at mine. i bring them to crech on tuesday collect them bring them home feed them and put them to bed. my wife has them all day wednesday, on thursday they stay with a child minder, even though my wife not working, (she out with stress and receives more on sick than her pay. 200 week, so has no intention of going back she says ) we take it in turn to collect them and stay with us. every 2nd weekend i have tem from 4pm friday untill 8pm sunday when i bring them back and put them to bed. im currently paying 400 euro a month voluntary maintenance. im currently on interest only with morgage. so can just about afford it. My wife wants to remove her name from the house so she can rent somewhere and recive rent allowence, when my morgage goes up i cant afford 400 month plus my bills,food,life.. so am i paying too much as i still feed,collect and play with our kids! i only earn 2200 month and morgage will be 1500 month. i was thinking 200 month as i play big part in their day to day life without assitance from state while she recives, one parent income ( pending ) family income support, and childrens allowence. im not trying to be meen il provide my last penny to our kids, but shel receive all these payment leaving her with more money than me who works 5 days a week. thanks for any help yous can provide. ment to add, so far for lar two months when it my wifes weekend with then iv had to bring her and kids over for a few hours as she says she has run ot of thing to do with them, but is uncontacable on my weekend with them, so i even have them on my weekend off. but i dont mind spending time with them.

metrovelvet

Go to mediation to work it out. No one here can answer you. Its like asking how long is a piece of string.

Sort out the living arrangements too for the kids, where they spend their holidays etc.

James Jones

Looks like you're paying the mortgage and looking after the children 50% of the time so she should not be receiving LPA and should be paying you maintenance as well as the fact that you should be getting the Children's Allowance.

Klingon Hamlet

Write everything down in a diary. Work out your finances with your children's mother. List out their costs. Split them 50/50 if you can.

planetX

She may not realise it, but every penny of that maintenance will be deducted from rent allowance.

smelltheglove

Your wife will have a hard job getting rent allowance in her position. Why cant she just stay in the house you own? Does she have a valid reason forwanting tomove out if you have already left? She really should get some info on what she would be entitled to. Lone parents will take into account maintenance as will rent allowance and with sick pay from state being more than what she earns along with getting FIS I really fail to see how she would be entitled to anything else and may actually be overpaid on supplements.

Mediation is of course very important but you should also be looking into custody, if you have the children the majority of the time and she can't handle them alone on hertime you really should be looking at getting custody which would turn things around, i.e. entitle you to stay in the family home with the children and receive the childrens allowance along with maintenance from your ex. These things you can trash out in mediation before going to court for them but in the mean time if you are hard up for money and your wife is not then by all means reduce the maintenance, why should you pay the full mortgage for a house you are notliving in? Pay half to cover the roof over your kids heads and a decent maintenance.

LegacyUser

Hi

Besides that I think (and I'm a mother with shared parenting)you are paying far too much! Is this money going to the kids benefit or the mothers? Any way, I agree you should go to mediation. For the moment, you should be able to apply for OP1 (One Parent Tax Credits). You'll find the form on revenue.ie. Good Luck to you. It's great to see you putting the kids first!

padr81

I've seen guys absolutely being ripped off with this and the other end where they're getting away with murder. Unless your in a huge paying job your in the first category.

If you have the kids 50% of the time, why are you paying maintainance at all? would it not be in both your interests to just cover your own bills. Its costing you as much as its costing her to keep them when you have them half the time. Electricity, bins, schools and food are no cheaper for a single father than a single mother. All of this depends on both of your incomes of course.

As above no one can say for cetain what to do but you should think of mediation as you sound like your coughing up more than your fair share from your original post. Not only this but they have a way of working these things out where both parents can feel like they're getting a good deal. I know this sounds daft as their are no winners but you'd be suprised how many couples come away from there own agreements and both think they're getting shafted which leads to bitterness, resentment and alot of unnecessary anger.

On a side note, your ex won't recieve loan parent if your split 50/50 in terms of where the child stays. Every cent of maintainance will be deducted from rent allowance and theres a good chance she won't even get it on anything over a 1 bedroom apartment cause the kids dont have a primary home.
I know cause I live in a 1 bed apartment. I have my 2 kids, 3 out of every 7 nights and we all just have to deal with it and they have to share a single bed while i kip on the floor. Unless you have the kids over 50% of the time your not entitled to it.

Its really worth taking a trip to citizens advice as they'll be able to help you with the loan parent and rent issues.

StillWaters

Your ex cannot simply take her name off the house. In order to do this, the bank would need to consent, and there is no way they will do this based on your income and outgoings. If she still has her name on the house she can't get rent allowance. Catch 22 which many are stuck in at the moment.

I would agree that bearing in mind the time you mind the children, if you meet 50% of health/education costs etc maintenance is not necessary.

Pandora2

Ì am not usually harsh but, this woman is seriously punishing you. She may have her reasons and I am sure that's a whole other story but, you would be well advised to take legal advice. I cannot see any family law judge approving of such arrangements and ime think that the coming and going between parents is unsettling and will bring its own problems.....believe me, I know:eek: going through something of that nature now, daughter aged 15 and very challenging Not to mention the practical concerns, ever more difficult as time goes on :eek:

Get another perspective on this and a binding agreement it will save so much heartache in the future.

Good luck and take it easy on yourself:)