Why Do Exs Get In Touch After Long Periods Of No Contact?

LegacyUser

Last night an ex GF got in touch with me over the phone outa the blue exactly two years after we stopped talking and broke up'she rang me on private blocked number letting on she rang me by accident saying she had my number written down and she thought it was someone elses number' then we got into a small conversation for a minute'I was totally caught off guard when I knew it was her on the phone wasn,t too sure what to say' but I don,t for one second beleive she rang me by accident' I don,t get why after two long years to get in touch all of a sudden outa the blue with someone' Im pretty sure shes gonna call me again' Im not sure what to say but I intend on asking her why shes getting in touch two years later' has anyone else had similar experiences an ex bf or an ex gf getting in touch outa the blue a few years after breaking up and losing contact.

G-Money

This old chestnut. It could be any number of reasons. They could have accidentally contacted you, although personally I find this the least believable of the reasons. They're regretful that it ended, they're lonely, they're bored, they want an ego boost, the list goes on.

If I were you I'd just chalk it up to one of those things. Think of it like the bus driver you say thanks to when you get off the bus. Two seconds later you've forgotten all about them.

Sephiroth_dude

Was It a bad break up? if it was its probably Because there selfish and inconsiderate.

LegacyUser

Well maybe they just want to see how you're gettin on. There is not necessarily anything sinister about it

Depends on the break up too though

spinandscribble

When you say exactly 2 years after the break up is that EXACT or "oh we broke up before summer"? If its the first, yes it was probably accidently on purpose.

If it wasn't, I'd be inclined to believe her that it was a mistake. You might WANT her to WANT to contact you (ego boost its human nature). Chalk it up to mystery, don't bother to ring her about it.

Look at it like this. If it was a genuine mistake she'll think you're reading too much into it and if it was on purpose (out of some desire to start speaking to you again) she'll her plan worked (well, you did call her again).

LegacyUser

The breakup wouldn,t of being the worst' but we finished on bad terms' there was some stuff I wasn,t happy about at the time' when I attempted to talk to her about it' she said she just wanted to be friends' and was kinda bitchy towards me' when she was bitchy with me I was basically told her I don,t wanna be friends with you or talk to you again' that was the last time we spoke' yeah it was exactly two years ago we broke up and stopped talking because we broke up late April two years ago and all of a sudden she rings me around late April two years later' I don,t buy it was an accident or coincidence for two reasons I got a private number call monday night around ten in the night' as soon as I answer the line goes dead' I never get those type of calls' and then three nights later she rings me' she said it was an accident but she never said hi john or hi mary' whoever she was trying to get through to if it had being by mistake.

dinjo

G-Money wrote: »

Think of it like the bus driver you say thanks to when you get off the bus. Two seconds later you've forgotten all about them.

well put....

IrishEyes19

I would just be careful, OP. Obviously her intentions we dont know at all. They could be innocent, this could be a mistake or else she geniunely wants to see how you are. But I've been burnt by this same thing before. I generally dont share things like that, but my story a while back is, I broke up with my ex 2 years ago, he ended it and ended it horribly, it was a nasty break up, left me quite upset for some time after, but like everyone has to, picked myself up and got back on my feet, spending more time doing things that made me happy and feel better about myself. I gradually put the past behind me and although I didnt forget how horrid it had been, I left it behind me and I was geninuely happy.

then a year afterwards he started commenting under my comments on my friends facebook, but that was all, months later I then got a drunken christmas text and a 2 months later, he added me on facebook again and started a daily chat that last two months. To cut a long story short, he arranged a meet up in which he soley used me to fill his ego and the fact that he hadnt had a girl for some time. thankfully I didnt return the favour and I didnt let it get so far that Id be ashamed the next day. Needless to say after the meet up, he acted like nothing had happened, but went further to delete me from facebook and worse than that, ignored a text I sent him that basically stated, that I hoped things werent awkward. the next day I was blocked and he went on with his life. that was a year ago, but it left me shaken up but Im a stronger person today because of it.

So I learnt the hard way that you need to protect yourself first sometimes, I gave a guy who behaved badly the first time a second chance and although it hurt terribly again second time around, at least I know what type of person he is. I wouldnt do it again though. So all I would say is protect yourself first, if theres any chance that this could blow up in your face, Im not sure its worth it.
Sometimes ex's want an ego boost, they hear rumours of their ex's moving on and they appear out of nowhere, but disappear just as fast. so take care and mind yourself. wishing you all the best.

metrovelvet

I think the bigger question is why do you care and why are you choosing to read into this?

I am a friend

Yeah I think the wrong number story is quite plausible. Dont read into it. She didnt ask you to meet or anything so...

LegacyUser

When she knew I realized it was her on the phone' I think she knew I was at a loss for words' if you know the way if you haven't talked to someone in ages you can be not sure what to say to get the conversation going for first minute or two' she did ask me' what am I doing with myself these days' which I didn't feel like really answering' so I just said not much just playing it cool' whether she trying to find am I single or what am I working at or both by asking that' I guess like other people when an ex contacts them a year or two after no contact I left wondering and asking why get in touch now all of a sudden.

IrishEyes19

metrovelvet wrote: »

I think the bigger question is why do you care and why are you choosing to read into this?

i think its perfectly normal to read into it, especially if you cared about the person. different story when you're looking from the outside

Spirited54321

Hi OP, you ask:

Why Do Exs Get In Touch After Long Periods Of No Contact?

If you think it was not accidental then...

IMO, simple, she has been thinking about you recently, thinking back on the good times, she may be testing the waters, probably wants to get back with you, opening up the initial channels of communication.

Has happened to me, my ex boyfriend contacted me, that's what it was about.

I was considering contacting my ex of 3 years ago recently, for the same reason.

Now the question lies with you...do you want to get back with her, if so then continue communication, if not , be nice , curt and close communication.

All the best.

LegacyUser

OP here again.

she rang me again earlier tonight' but asked more personal info if Im single any current GF asking to meet' inviting me to her place I think its prob safe to say shes still Interested in me' for anyone whos being in a similar situation' what way should I play this?

Wibbs

I'd be asking myself a couple of questions.

Would I really want to go down that road again? Are you at a loose end and bored or did you like here enough first time round to go for a rematch?

Why is she up for it again? Is she like G-Money said bored and lonely? In which case you may be in the territory of Old reliable/"well he'll do". Wouldn't be my bag personally.

Have the reasons you split up gone away? If not after a couple of months of revisiting getting jiggy they'll be back.

Relationships are like movies. Some are crap, the majority are ok and some are great, but regardless in the vast majority of cases sequels are crap. There are far more Police Academy II than Godfather II relationships You have to figure out which one you're likely to be.

Meet up I'd reckon. Test the waters. If you don't you may be asking "what if", which is a always a worse pain in the bum than finding out one way or t'other.

IrishEyes19

It's very simple, do you want to get back with her again? Or is just for the sake of dating someone for a while. If so, I wouldnt. The same problems might arise again and no one wants a messy second breakup.

LighterGuy

Generally because they are either (A,) Lonely (B,) Bored or want a pick me up cause of a bad recent experience with someone they liked. Sure, there can be other reasons. But often they are the reasons.

As for your situation op,
2 facts:

1, she wouldnt have your number just "written down somewhere" not after two years.
2, thus she ringing you wasnt by accident.

allovertheshop

having been on the other end of the line, i.e. the ex getting back in contact, when i've questioned myself afterwards, it always has been because when i've been looking back, i've only remembered the good times, not the bad. it's only after a while of being back in contact that you start remembering the reason why it didn't work in the first place

do yourself a favour and don't be wasting your time going backwards!

Liam Byrne

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

If someone gets in touch "too soon" after a breakup, there's questions.
If someone gets in touch "after long periods of no contact", there's questions.

The bottom line is that if you break up with someone and it's comfortable, then stay in touch; it's often that as a "couple" a pairing won't work but that doesn't mean the good bits can't be there as friends.

If it makes you feel uncomfortable or is unbalanced, then let it go.

LegacyUser

ah op the ex's are headwreckers.

My ex broke up with me 2 years ago and hasn't left me alone since. I'd been doing great and i blanked him for 6 months but then I bumped into him one night and fecked things up for myself and started seeing him again. I've put a stop to it now but I'm still raging that I started hanging out with him again. You know what you do......you don't follow your heart or your head.....you follow your gut...what does your gut tell you to do? you know yourself if things can work out and if you can put all the BS behind you.

Please please whatever you do don't go down that road again without your headlights on cos you'll just smash into a wall and you'll be kicking yourself. Don't let her just casually breeze into your life again out of fckn nowhere.

To answer your Q....there probably is still feelings there in fairness but perhaps not enough if it ended in the first place. Try not to let the whole thing absorb you.

amybabes

In the past, I've done this when i was, as someone else has pointed out, been bored / just after breaking up with someone and wanted someone to entertain me/text.

Not proud of it but alot of the time it was out of loneliness too etc.
But yeah, I did use some poor unsuspecting guys.

My ex is relentlessly contacting me with years though, even though i moved to Australia 2 years ago and its been 5 years since he broke up with me and it was a BAD breakup.

Don't know what his game is. You'd think after ignoring his friend requests on facebook several times and ignoring any texts etc that he would get the picture. We spoke last year briefly when my dog (who he had custody of as he bought her for me and took her back when we broke up) died and he told me how sorry he was for how he treated me etc. I said whatever i forgive you let that be that etc. So in his case I honestly don't know why he's still trying to worm his way back into my life

Vicxas

Look, it seems she wants to try and give herself a boost to me, be very cautious, ive been in situations like this before where all she wanted was sex.

Be on your highest guard for the time being, smells of an ego boost to me.

LegacyUser

OP here again; we met up for a coffee and went to her place nothing happened between us' we got on quite ok she asked to meet again and I agreed-two weeks later I haven,t heard from her, when I tried to ring her the weekend her phone is turned off' IM like WTF' I mean why contact me give me her number' then have her phone turned off' I think I might change my number so she can't contact me again down the line.

Omentum

She was looking for someone to fill a gap. Just move on OP...

Count Duckula

Why are we assuming she must have had horribly sinister motives? It could be simply that she wants to know how the OP is getting on. I know with my ex-girlfriend I like to see on Facebook that she's doing well, is in a long-term relationship with a lovely guy etc.

This could simply be a case that the ex-girlfriend thinks that two years is long enough for any lingering feeling or resentment to fade away, and that any relationship between them would be purely platonic. Depending on the nature of the breakup she may still like the OP (although not in a romantic sense) and just want to see how he's getting on as a friend. It's likely that on some level she still cares about him and is interested to know how he's doing.

Not all breakups are bitter, messy affairs.

DangerMouse27

Yeah first of all..love the user name.

Dr...meet up with her. Your in the driving seat here. But define in yourself what you want and what your looking for. I had a mate who was in an identical situation to yours and he went and met her and enjoyed it. Maybe when you see her, she will have changed a bit in terms of personality, but def meet her.

LegacyUser

After meeting her' shes seems to have suddenly disappeared' when we met in person we got on ok and she suggested and seemed keen to meet up again' I didn,t hear from her' I rang her the other night her phone is switched off' I just sent a short text' which she didn,t get' as I keep deliverly reports on my phone' I don,t get as to why get in touch with me after two years give me her new number then have her phone turned off.

IrishEyes19

The Doctor of Thuganomics wrote: »

After meeting her' shes seems to have suddenly disappeared' when we met in person we got on ok and she suggested and seemed keen to meet up again' I didn,t hear from her' I rang her the other night her phone is switched off' I just sent a short text' which she didn,t get' as I keep deliverly reports on my phone' I don,t get as to why get in touch with me after two years give me her new number then have her phone turned off.

Thats why I never like the "seeing the ex again for a friendly coffee," OP. because I believe firmly except for some cases, the ex wants to be nosy to see how you are doing and then will dissappear very quickly sometimes once they have their fill of your life.

Id move on right now if I were you, her lack of response already indicates lack of respect.