Is he regretting it?

LegacyUser

To make a long story short, I split up with my boyfriend a month ago due to the strains of long distance, it was hard to make it work. He knew i wanted to get back together but he didn't feel the same, even though I was moving closer to his location for work. Fast forward a few weeks of no contact (which I asked for) and he got in touch, asking me to meet up, coming up with various excuses as to why we should see each other, etc. I went to see him and he admitted he had been thinking over a few weeks and missed me and had been wondering "what if", and that he wanted to get back together. We talked about it and agreed to give it another go.

I have been out of my house for a week due to constructional issues and was supposed to stay with a friend who became unavailable, an so he offered I stay with him, so I stayed with him for a few nights. We both got very little sleep as it was too hot, and were both quite tired an exhausted each evening coming home from work.

My issue is that he seems a small bit distant with me, he is still affectionate in that he will touch me and flirt sometimes, will cuddle on the couch etc. He doesnt kiss me unless I ask for it, but we are often in the company of his housemates. He seemed much more affectionate the first night or two, and even the last night I stayed with him he did not want sex, which I thought was strange as we are only back together, should he not want to be all over me? He said he was exhausted which is fair enough, but declined it again when we woke up for work the next morning. Through the night he did cuddle me as much as he could (it is warm) and kisses. He will be gone for a few days with his friends now and I have not brought anything up, just said have a good trip, he did not mention when he would see me again.

What I'm wondering is, do you think he is now regretting gettig back together, or is it just the fact that we spent so much time apart and then stayed with each oter every night for almost a week, coupled with being tired? I asked him did he have doubts and he said none whatsoever and he wouls tell me if he did. I just dont want to make a fool of myself. Sorry for the long post.

ourtrail

I am experiencing a similar situation. Myself and my boyfriend split up early last week- his choice. We then met up on Monday and got on like a house on fire and ended up kissing and telling each other we missed each other and things were left open. I chatted him on Facebook the other night and got on great he then text me after to wish me good luck in my exam the next day.

I dont want to press the issue with him and I dont think you should either just give it time and then you will know for sure exactly how he feels. Myself and my ex havent been in contact other than what I have said because we both have alot on at the moment and it can be a little daunting trying to work things out when one or both is tired and are spending a lot of time together.

Perhaps give him a little space as soon as your house situation is sorted. I think he does want to be with you but perhaps the situation is just a little intense at the moment. I'm currently following the same advice so hope it works for you too.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your reply. I do know he wanted to be with me, he asked me to be his girlfriend already. He has gone on an all weekend drinking session with his friends, and his ex who he has always been good friends with will be there too which bothers me slightly. I wont make contact with him all weekend, but I dont know if I should expect him to contact me or not, seeing as we are only back together. I have never gotten back with an ex before, so am unsure to play it, any advice would be appreciated.

LegacyUser

Can anyone else give any advice?

LegacyUser

Prob not the best idea to take up his offer of moving in with him, albeit temporaily so sudden after suddenly getting back together. He probably thought it was a nice thing to offer but now that you both are in each others space so much he's regretting asking in the first place- thats not to say he's regretting getting back togetehr with you but dont pander to his every whim..

I think you shoud try and sort yourself out with a place to stay until the reovations are complete and just take things nice and handy with him... he probably juist got scared off... let things develop slowly until they get back to where they were. Don't make yourself so available or accesible to him... Im not a fan of playing games but in instances like this, you have to look after number one, he could very well turn around and call the whole thing off again so move slowly and don't invest too much too soon. Be wise! Its often hard or impossible to just slot right back into position in a relationship that times been called on, so dont expect too much too soon and don't give all off yourself so readily.

But I reallly think you should re-evaluate your decisoion to live together so soon.. I'd be hot footing it out of there and take it at a more steady, relaxed pace and see how things go!

Best of luck OP!

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply slowdownpostie. My house has been sorted now it was just a week of renovations so He has his space. I just feel that as we are only back together, should he not be happy and making an effort? He has made no effort to contact me over the weekend (granted, he was out on an all day session with friends one day) and gave short replies when I did text, saying he was unsure whether he would see me or not tomorrow, he'd "see". I just think that considering he was the one who asked to get back toether, he has made no effort to make things better. Hes at home all day today (im unavailable) but has not made contact at all, and im sick of being the one to do all the running. Seems lile maybe he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

LegacyUser

I think his lack of effort is a big red flag tbh.. If i were in your shoes, I would be withdrawning complely from him and see the lay of the land then. If hes bothered and wants to really make the relationship work he will. Men go after what they want. But do not get clingy or chase him as this will drive him away further.

Dont conatct him let him come to you.. if he does all well and good see where it goes from there and if he keeps it up and if not, you have your answer and walk away with your head held high.

Out of interst, what has changed from then until now? What made you get back together?There was obviously somehitng amiss first time round, has that been recified now? If not, ots pointless getting back with an ex as you are just repeating history. Also, and just to bear in mind, I know of guys and girls, but guys mainly I have to say that ask to get back together with ex's just to see if they can get the ex back- its like an ego boost for them '' Oh she/he are stil hung up on me- I'm great, desirable to her/ him etc etc.. sad but true so like I said, back off and see where you stand and you won't be too long finding out! Stay strong, I know its hard, Ive been there myself, but you dont want to undo all the good work you've done up until now!


Best of luck!

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply. We split up because we were long distance and we were struggling with being away from each other so much and having to give up alot of the things we would have enjoyed doing (such as hobbies, time with friends or family) to spend time together. The distance issue has been resolved as I am now living local to him with work. The move was not planned for him, before you ask, i was transferred!

It was he who got in touch with me, i did no contact after the breakup. He asked me to get back together, asked me to be his girlfriend. Hes just switched off now. He makes no effort to get in touch unless i contact him, and even when he does reply, its like hes texting a friend. There is no affection in his texts or no compliments, he doesnt say nice things when we are together like he used to. When i ask him to meet up he just says he'll text me and let me know, with no mention.

I asked him not to waste my time, he has now said he wants to see how things go and likes his space, which he always did, but never this bad, he always looked forward to seeing me. Im going to meet him later in the week to just have the "talk" because id rather just know now than play games and not contact and drag out the pain. Any advice on what I should say would be appreciated.

seenitall

Hi OP,

this guy sounds like he doesn't give a rat's ass about you or your "relationship", which mostly seems to exist in your head at this point! I'm sorry but it really angers me to read how much disrespect people are let get away with these days (both genders included). It is a sign of our alienated times, sadly.

Advice on what you should say? "I've had enough of your half-arsedness, you wouldn't believe how much better I deserve. Goodbye."

smileyscientist

He reeks of absolute apathy for you to honest. And I dunno which is worse, a partner with whom you argue all the time or one who isnt bothered too, the latter I think.

I don't even know if I would bother meeting up tbh OP, but if its something you feel you must do for YOURSELF then go ahead and do it but I think you know yourself what the outcome is.. and I think its good he has shown hios true colurs so soon in, as you hadnt time to nest yourself in.

Just be straight with him, say you thought it would be more than it is, that his lack of affection is obviously a undercurrent of his indiffernece to you and that you have wasted enough time on him and are moving swiflty on to find someone worthy of womderful you. Bid him good luck with everything and ask him to do himself and yourself a favour- and delete all traces of you and walk out that door and don't look back

Harder said than done I know, but the ONLY way. You have done this all before, and would still be at the end of the line if he hadn;'t been so inconsiderate of your feelings, WHICH, i may add, he is STILL doing!! So do yourself a favour and cut this time wasting head -wrecker form your life before you waste anymore precious time on him!! :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies all. He said he was too
Tired to see me tonight so I just called him and finished it. Said pretty much what you all suggested, and his response was that it was worth the shot anyway and no harm done. At least now I know and I ended it before he had a chance to break my heart. Im just so mad at myself for falling for all the crap he filled me with.

LegacyUser

Thanks Sunflower, you're right. I learned that I have to put myself first and i did not like the person I was with him. Paranoid, selfish to friends, clingy, you name it i was it! He wittled my self esteem down because i let him. He wasnt abusive and would compliment me but it was the unreliability, the lack of effort on his part that made me feel unwanted and worthless. I have been following your post (im a regular poster but going unreg here) and I realised that if you can come out the other side, I can. I guess its hard because i have only moved to my new location at the opposite end of The country, I have no one that im close enough to turn to just yet, and i feel quite alone, but I know that being with him wouls be worse than being alone. Ive already gotten through this break up once, I can do it again.

smileyscientist

Fair play to ya, a lot couldnt have done what you just did.. kudos for looking out for yourself:D

Well hes underpinned all his actions with that limp-fish response so theres no doubt you did the 100% right thing.. like I said you've been here beforejust don't make the same mistake again, though I doubt you will;)

Onwards and upwards, get out there and let loose, now your young, free and single!!

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. Last night I was a bit up and down, I feel bad that I ended it the way I did (I believe that everyone deserves respect and I owed him a face to face conversation), but theres nothing I can do now, its done. I think I only got back together with him because I thought it would be nice to have someone around when I had only just moved to a new place, but realistically we weren't right for each other. He had too many activities and other priorities that he didnt want to push to the side for me, and I dont want to be with someone who only makes me an option. I give a lot in a relationship, but only if i receive it and I deserve someone who appreciates me!