GF won't contribute

LegacyUser

I'd appreciate some advice on how to deal with this issue.

Recently my girlfriend found herself in-between places to live and she asked could she stay with me. I of course accepted this and she then moved in.

Ever since then, she hasn't contributed to the rent or the bills in any way, except once she paid for the weekly grocery shopping as I had no money.

I asked her about this and her attitude is that it's not costing me any additional money having her there as I'd still have to pay the same rent, electricity broadband etc. She also said that I'd just waste any money she gave me anyway which may certainly be true but I don't think that it is really relevant.

It's not a case of her not having any money as she works full time and also has quite substantial savings.

It is true that it's not costing much extra, beyond some food, to have her there but I find myself getting increasingly annoyed at the fact that she's getting an entirely "free ride".

I would like to know if I'm being unreasonable but this has been going on for 4 months now and I feel just really fed up with the whole situation.

Does anyone have any advice? Thanks for reading.

Asphyxia

No your right! She should be paying an equal amount, if she's using broadband or electricity she should be paying for what she uses.

OS119

It'sAlwaysAboutMoney... wrote: »

...I would like to know if I'm being unreasonable but this has been going on for 4 months now and I feel just really fed up with the whole situation.

Does anyone have any advice? Thanks for reading.

i don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

two issues - firstly that 'between places' is a few weeks, a month at most - it is not 4 months. sorry mate, but she's moved in. permanently.

second is that i have no advice as to how to approach your specific problem, other than to slightly amend your question to 'my girlfriend is astonishingly selfish, has appalling manners and a sense of entitlement to match that of a Pharoah - what do i do?'.

if you stayed with a mate for a week you'd buy some food shopping, treat him to a decent take-away and generally make yourself useful (mow the lawn etc...). you might well also try and get him to accept a few quid for putting you up and digging you out of a hole.

i would urge you to draw the obvious conclusion...

S23

I'm not saying you need to be agressive or OTT about it, quite the opposite in fact, but you need to be assertive here.

You need to draw a line in the sand or else your OH is going to take the piss out of you at will from now on. You wouldn't accept this behaviour from anyone else best friends included. Your OH probably gets a free pass that other people wouldn't but only up to a point. A couple of weeks maybe.

If she hadn't got the cash then that would be different too. From what I can tell she's living rent free, bill free but with a roof over her head, food on her plate and access to all the amenities that you pay for. All this while she's earning a good living and is well capable of contributing.

I know shes your GF, so you might be finding this hard, but come on fella this is ridiculous and you know it. If you don't put your foot down then she'll take you for a mug for as long as your relationship lasts.

And as a seperate issue I wouldn't be too sure of how long that will be since she clearly isn't showing you any respect and is happy to take the piss out of you and abuse your better nature. Not exactly fantastic traits in my book

ando

+1. She is taking advantage of the situation, so it sounds anyway. Free ride.

I am a friend

Oh my god she is so tight - how off-putting....

She needs to cough up. She is taking advantage,..

matt-dublin

She's taking advantage, the electricity and gas bills go up wthen there's an extra person there, even in the same room.

Utilities should be split IMO with a nominal contribution to rent.

I on the other hand have the opposite situation where i own the apartment and my o/h wants to pay more rent but i feel guilty taking it off her lol

mood

The ESB would be higher (showers & washing clothes).

To stay and not contribute is ok for a few weeks but not months.

Why is she taking so long to find somewhere to live? I think it could be her sneaky way for actually moving in. Do you share with others? If so they mustn't be happy at all having her living there.

Emme

It'sAlwaysAboutMoney... wrote: »

It's not a case of her not having any money as she works full time and also has quite substantial savings.

:rolleyes: No wonder, she seems to have extortionism down to a fine art.

OK, that's a bit harsh, but she should definitely be making a contribution, I would suggest 50:50 on everything except the mortgage if you own the house. If you're renting she should be making an appropriate contribution towards the rent. Some people would make her make a contribution even if they were paying the mortgage themselves.

You're being taken for a mug.

All I can say is I hope you don't have anyone else living with you. If I was your room-mate/house-mate I'd be even more hacked off than you are. She's completely taking the mick.

Tell her this is a big issue for you. Tell her that you expect her to contribute, and if she doesn't then she should think about finding somewhere else to live.

Sleepy

"I ain't saying she's a gold-digger..."

But she's certainly a parasite. Actually, on reflection, she's closer to being a prostitute. You're paying her way and you're getting to have a relationship with her.

Mighty_Mouse

She's there 4 months & is fully employed with savings!!!
Free ride.
She liked where you lived. Could see herself living there.
Wasn't going to wait for you to officially ask her.
She's naturally tight with cash so secretly delights in her additional disposable income/savings. She knows you're a "softie" and won't put the boot down properly!!

MaxPower89

I find that level of frugality such a turnoff, she doesnt have a leg to stand on in this argument, especially after 4 months. I cant believe she is even arguing this with you.

Time to tell her how it is.

Chinafoot

OP, if you had asked her to move in together as the next stage of your relationship, and not out of necessity, would you have accepted her attitude that her living with you wouldn't be costing you much extra so you should be happy to pay for everything? Of course you wouldn't. She has been taking the absolute piss out of you for the last 4 months and you have let her.

I once had a friend who had this same disgusting sense of entitlement that your girlfriend is displaying. She was living at home with her parents and her boyfriend lived in a 1 bedroom apartment in a very expensive area of Dublin. He was paying €1200 a month and asked her to move in. We were chatting about the rent and I asked were they planning to look for somewhere cheaper and she said, and I quote, "He has been paying €1200 a month for the last 6 months so he can continue to pay €1200 a month. We can go halves on the bills." She doesn't have very many friends anymore as this attitude became more and more prevalent to those of us who joined the real world after college.

I think its pretty clear that your girlfriend has moved herself into your home and as such, assuming you are ready (and actually want) to live together, she should be paying her half. The fact that you have broached the subject with her and she sees no issue with you paying for everything speaks volumes about what type of person she is.

Your options appear to be as follows;
1) Put up with her disgusting treatment of you and continue to bankroll her.
2) Tell her she needs to find her own place and give her a very specific time frame in which to do it.
3) Make the living together official and tell her in no uncertain terms that she will be paying half of everything.
4) Tell her to gtfo of your home and end the relationship.

Personally I would have gone for option 4 long before this nonsense reached the 4 month mark. She has absolutely zero consideration or respect for you and is, quite frankly, using you. If you want to salvage the relationship then option 3 is your best bet, however, the lack of a backbone you have been displaying makes me think you'll go for option 1. I don't mean to be offensive or anything OP, but this is a complete no-brainer. She is using you to pay her way and you are allowing this to happen.

mood

OP if you own the property and pay a mortgage I think she should pay you rent (going rate for the area) rather than half the mortgage. After all she won't have a stake in the property like you.

If you rent she should pay half.

G-Money

Sounds like she's being pretty tight with the money and to be honest, it's not really acceptable. I'd love to know what she would expect if the situation was reversed. I can't imagine her letting it slide for so long.

I haven't read all the replies but I think you're going to have to put your foot down and tell her it's not on and she has to start paying her way. If that doesn't work, then fair enough. She should have more than enough money to keep her going when she comes home some night to find you moved out, a dear john letter on the table and the rent due a few days later

Firetrap

No, you are not being unreasonable at all. She is saving an absolute fortune by living with you. She's saving on rent, food, ESB and broadband for starters. And to add insult to injury, she doesn't see why she should be giving you anything!

You've said she has substantial savings - now you can see how she's managed to accumulate those. There's thriftiness and then there's downright meanness. You need to have a think about whether you want to settle down with someone who's that tight-fisted.

I am a friend

Just be careful (if you do own the place) , because she sounds like 'the type' to slyly move in permanently and then should you subsequently break up, try to claim a share of the property... No joke....

You do realise if you marry her she will be a 'taker' ...

LegacyUser

she knows you are a sucker thats why she is taking a mile and probably laughing about how easy it is to use you...DO NOT be a sucker

joseywhales

Surely it would make sense to ask her to move out, if she calls your bluff, then let her move out. It'll probably be better in the long run she might have more respect the next time you try to move in together.

missgroovy21

She needs to contribute something!!!! and ye I think she has moved in.... that could have been her plan in the first place. Does she help with general tidying washing cooking etc etc??? if not shes a lazy cow and she needs to help you with the bills or move out

louise5754

Well OP is she still living with you??

Count Duckula

Am I the only one here who thinks that the OP is being a bit unreasonable? His girlfriend has not moved on with him; this is not a permanent situation. He is helping her out whilst she is between homes by offering her a place to stay. With the implication that she will move out again once she finds a new home, is it right to demand that she start paying half his mortgage, half the bills? She's right, she is costing him very little extra.

When someone moves in with you they take on half of the responsibility of the household. But his girlfriend hasn't moved in with him - she's a guest. You don't demand that a guest starts paying their own way when it's costing you very little extra to host them.

Frankly, if the OP is this insistent that she start paying for her stay when she's only there temporarily, I have to question whether he actually cares that much about her. God forbid they actually move in together permanently - no doubt the OP will be splitting the grocery bill down the middle to the very last penny, and demanding they have three apples each.

LegacyUser

Count Duckula wrote: »

Am I the only one here who thinks that the OP is being a bit unreasonable? His girlfriend has not moved on with him; this is not a permanent situation. He is helping her out whilst she is between homes by offering her a place to stay. With the implication that she will move out again once she finds a new home, is it right to demand that she start paying half his mortgage, half the bills? She's right, she is costing him very little extra.

When someone moves in with you they take on half of the responsibility of the household. But his girlfriend hasn't moved in with him - she's a guest. You don't demand that a guest starts paying their own way when it's costing you very little extra to host them.

Frankly, if the OP is this insistent that she start paying for her stay when she's only there temporarily, I have to question whether he actually cares that much about her. God forbid they actually move in together permanently - no doubt the OP will be splitting the grocery bill down the middle to the very last penny, and demanding they have three apples each.

read the OP....shes been there for 4 months.

LegacyUser

Shes there 4 months already, I would have thought that was plenty of time to find a new place. Looks to most people here thats shes moved in but is saving money. Personally I hope hes raised the issue by now.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

qwerty13

I think she is being completely unreasonable, and downright mean. Ok, if it were me, I was trying to think of how I'd behave if it were:
- my folks
- a sibling
- a good friend
- my OH
... and in all cases, I'd be contributing to rent/mortgage, bills and food! If I was unemployed and/or broke, I'd be cleaning and doing jobs to make the person's life easier who I was living with. I just can't understand how someone with a job and money thinks this situation is ok, not to contribute in any way, apart from one measly shop, when she knew you were broke??

All I could think of is that she is loaded / comes from a very monied background, where she simply doesn't think about money / hasn't ever really had to - but the fact that you've mentioned it and she brushed it off leads me to think that:
- she is utterly inconsiderate towards you
- she is a sponger
- she has bullied herself into your home, and has zero intention of finding a new place to live (have you seen any evidence of her trying to find somewhere new?)

What really got my goat though was saying that you would waste any money she gave you! How arrogant is that?! What you do with your money is totally up to you - as long as you can pay your bills and all that. And you are paying HER bills at the moment! I can't get over her attitude. I just can't. I think you've been incredibly nice and generous so far (too much so!) - if it were me, there'd be one more conversation about it, just one - and if she didn't apologise profusely, and drastically change her tune, she'd be booted out so fast that her calculating little head would be spinning.

I'm sorry to sound so harsh, but I genuinely can't think of any decent reason to explain her behaviour which doesn't involve you being utterly taken advantage of.:mad: