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Whats happening to me?!

  • 28-04-2011 12:03am
    #1
    Celvapan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 53 ✭✭


    Hi all, i'd really appreciate some advice...

    I have been with my bf for almost 8 years now, we are both 30. I love him dearly and we are best friends. Recently however, I have been experiencing some really odd negative feelings towards him. We are currently doing the long distance relationship thing but we see each other every weekend.

    An example of these odd feelings is, a few weeks ago he came up to visit me and I was so looking forward to it all week and then when he called and said he was here I was so annoyed and really didnt want to see him. I seem to be always in a bad mood with him and I can't explain it. Its gone to the point that it has now turned into a re-occuring thing and I'm always giving out to him and picking fights with him when we are face to face. It's really scaring me as I dont like myself for feeling like this, its seems so irrational and out of character but its as if I can't help it!! I know I sound awful now, but this really is out of character for me and i dont want to feel like this :( I feel sick to the stomach now as I think of it as its really not nice.

    Has anyone elce experienced something like this or have you any advice or thoughts as to what could be going on here? Just to add in also, everything in our relationship was going great up until this started happening. Thanks in advance...


Comments

  • #2
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Hi OP

    is there a chance that you are lashing out like this to protect yourself?
    I mean - push him away so that you can prove yourself right - that he is going to finish with you? Lets not split hairs here but if you are like this every time you get together he has to be asking himself that question - "why bother - she clearly doesn't love me..."

    I suggest some tough love here - by you on you. You need to figure out if you really do still love him - put that best friend label out of your head - do you really love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him? If you do - brilliant - but talk to him soon and apologise fast. If you do you will really have to catch yourself when you start slipping again. Who knows maybe you are resentful of the fact that he is not around all week and are lashing out at him - to make him feel as bad as you do...

    However - if you figure that you don't love him - well then we both know what you have to do here.


  • #3
    Celvapan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 53 ✭✭Celvapan


    Taltos wrote: »
    Hi OP

    is there a chance that you are lashing out like this to protect yourself?
    I mean - push him away so that you can prove yourself right - that he is going to finish with you? Lets not split hairs here but if you are like this every time you get together he has to be asking himself that question - "why bother - she clearly doesn't love me..."

    I suggest some tough love here - by you on you. You need to figure out if you really do still love him - put that best friend label out of your head - do you really love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him? If you do - brilliant - but talk to him soon and apologise fast. If you do you will really have to catch yourself when you start slipping again. Who knows maybe you are resentful of the fact that he is not around all week and are lashing out at him - to make him feel as bad as you do...

    However - if you figure that you don't love him - well then we both know what you have to do here.

    Hi and thanks Taltos, really appreciate your advice.

    There is a chance I am lashing out as we are not together during the week. I know that we would much prefer to be together all week, but unfortunately thats the situation we find ourselves in at the moment...with the current economic climate, our situation is reflected all across the country and I'm sure we are not alone. I don't think its a case that I think that he will finish with me, I think our relationship is stronger than to break down at that now, but I do admit that it is a bit of a strain.

    I do love him and I could see myself marrying him without any shadow of a doubt up until I took this job and now we find ourselves in this situation... I am worried that i am in a bad mood when he comes to visit, or when I visit him... And I think it scares me that I dont understand what is going on...But I know I love him and I miss him like crazy when we aren't together, that is about the only thing I'm sure of at the moment...


  • #4
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Celvapan wrote: »
    I do love him and I could see myself marrying him without any shadow of a doubt up until I took this job and now we find ourselves in this situation... I am worried that i am in a bad mood when he comes to visit, or when I visit him... And I think it scares me that I dont understand what is going on...But I know I love him and I miss him like crazy when we aren't together, that is about the only thing I'm sure of at the moment...

    Being sure of that is great - however - your punishing him for the economy is only pushing him away.

    You need to talk to him asap - get how you are feeling out into the open. He needs to understand that it is not him you are angry with. But... it is NOT his responsibility to make you react like you want to be with him - he can only do so much, basically - you need to grab a hold of yourself and break this cycle before it does result in him walking.

    You say you are stronger than that - but look at it from his perspective - every time he sees you - you are in a funk or angry - as far as he is concerned it is because of him... He needs to know what is going on so he can react accordingly and try to help - but on this one - you hold all the cards.


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