Blamed in the Wrong

LegacyUser

Hi,

To make a long story short I got pursued by a married man. I didn't know he was married at the time and as soon as I found out I told him I never wanted to see him again. He kept contacting me crying saying how much he missed me and that he was planning a divorce. I ignored his calls and messages telling me that the divorce was happening etc. Then I got a weird message saying stay away from me I don't want anything to do with you, leave me alone which I didn't understand as I was staying away. I since found out that his wife found out he was msging me and he told her that I had come after and threw myself at him and he ignored me but I wouldn't go away. We live in a gossipy place so am sure others have heard stuff.

I tried to do the right thing and now I am being blamed. I feel so awful about this. Please don't judge me I am a nice and mostly good person. I don't know what to do but I don't think it is fair for me to take the blame when I ignored this man when I found out. I am finding it hard to get over this pain of being accussed of something I didn't do. I didn't even sleep with him. I don't care about the man just the blame bit. What can I do not to feel so awful? I am quite religious and try to forgive but this is too hard for me.
Thank you

LegacyUser

See, I'm coming from a totally different perspective, as I'm not religious myself… but to be really honest, even if you knew he was married, I think he is still an independent adult and therefore is accountable for whatever he did or didn't do. I don't see why you should be feeling guilty.

He is just a coward and is choosing the easy way out, as a little boy in school saying, "she started it!" His wife might be stupid enough to believe you are the one to blame for it and he is a little angel, and maybe some people might believe it too. Honestly? F… them.

You know what you did, your conscience is clean.

I know it's horrible to be judged by others, but you have no control over that. But you can control your thoughts and feelings, so please do so and don't fall into the trap. Don't allow yourself to feel guilty. Raise your head, enjoy your life and forget about it.

If people gossip about it, give it time. Eventually their boring life will find another stupid subject to talk about and they will leave you alone. But take care of yourself in the meanwhile and please don't even think of blaming yourself! Be happy!

Neyite

The wife does not want to believe your version of events because it means making hard choices in her relationship, it might easier to stay with him and believe his lies. Deep down she knows the score, and you wont be the last he tries it on with. Pity her for the lifetime of heartache this ass will put her through.

Your reputation will stand for itself, and so will his. People will have seen him trying to flirt with others in the pub, or making remarks to his friends or whatever. While the wife is usually the last to know, the whole place will be well aware of his past and future form. Same goes for you - if you are seen as a nice girl, people will probably surmise that you rightly would not touch him with a barge pole. he and his wife can say whatever they want about you -the only people they will convince is themselves.

dafunk

Why do you even care? You didn't do anything wrong. This woman is understandably upset and yeah, it's not nice when people think badly of you but even if she knew the truth she would probably still want to blame you. Forget about it, it's not your business that she is upset, her husband is to blame and it's their problem, not yours. It's unlikely she'd be gossiping about her husbands attempt at an affair but even if she did people will form their own opinion. Forget about it, it's not worth worrying about.

boomkatalog

OP, hold your head high. You're a good, honest person and noone has the right to judge you. Many in your place would've carried on seeing that man anyway.

He's nothing short of pathetic and I feel sorry for his partner. Chances are, if he hasn't tried it on with someone else before, he will in the future, and people may already know what he's like, his wife included.

Living in a small gossipy town, I know how hurtful rumours and talk can be but believe me, there'll be a new scandal in a few days and nobody will care anymore. Keep your head held high, and be proud of yourself.

LighterGuy

To sum it what you said.... you stop anything with him upon hearing he is married >> he persists and texts you >> his wife shes something in his phone >> he twists that its all you >> now you're the 'bad' guy. classic twisting events 101.

If I had a cent for everytime i've seen twisting in my life, i tell ya, i'd be rich. I personally think vast majority of people do it when the sh*t hits the fan.

Anyways only one thing you can do and that is to wash your hands of everything. You'll never be able to convince his wife it was all him. You'll never be able to convince people that it was all him too (you know people and believing the worst) only thing you can do here is walk away.