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Monday Funums

  • 26-04-2011 3:36pm
    #1
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭


    My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our
    local pet shop and they were £70!!


    B*ll*cks to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

    _____________________________

    I start a new job in Seoul next week.

    I thought it was a good Korea move.

    _____________________________

    The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.

    Talk about Dyson with death...

    _____________________________

    I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest p***k she had ever laid her hands on.

    I said "You're pulling my leg"
    _____________________________

    I've just had a letter back from Screwfix.

    They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency...

    _____________________________

    A man walks into a Welsh pub and orders a white Wine Spritzer.

    The bar goes silent as everyone stares at him...

    "Where are you from? You sound English", said a drinker.

    "I'm from just across the Severn," replies the man nervously.

    "What do you do, just across the Severn?"

    "I'm a taxidermist."

    "What on earth is one of those?"

    "I mount animals."

    "It's alright boys," shouts the barman.



    "He's one of us."
    _______________________

    Prince William and Kate Middleton have decided that they do not want the traditional fruit cake at the wedding.

    Prince Phillip has commented that he doesn't give a flying fook, he is still going to attend the wedding!

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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