am i just being a tired spoilt brat?

LegacyUser

I went home for the weekend, stayed with sister and her kids. First big drive (5 hours both ways) and went home this morning. They decided to have a friend over and my bf and them had a drinking session and the kids were up to 7 am with them. i went to bed early cos of the drive which i had to do early cos i am a very new driver and nervous.
Anyway my room was just over them and i thought they might quieten down cos i was in bed but they were still so loud and i got no sleep at all. I couldnt leave as i had had a drink so i wasnt driving anywhere at that time. So basically i flipped when they all were going to bed at 6/7 am when i had to get up and go and my bf was pissed drunk as well.

I just felt like it was yet again another sign from my sister that she only cares about herself and has no respect for anyone else. It could be part of the thing that i feel like none of my family give a monkeys about me (proved to me recently by them not considering me for anything). she said she wasn't going to apologise for having a friend over. (i didn't expect that, just tried to explain why i was like an anti christ and i told her that)

I hadn't realised how long i spent listening to them without a wink sleep and felt my eyes sunk in my head..

She isn't speaking to me now being a brat, 'shouldnt have stayed here if she didnt like it.. ', and 'she should have said something' but what could i say? they would have had a go at me for that too anyway i just know that she is doing this irritating labelling thing..bitching about me for being cross about this.

I just feel like she could have moved it into the kitchen or quietened it down or something, i shouldnt have had to ask. and i made myself look like a big bitch in front of everyone as i was demented with tiredness. ( its the one thing i really cant do without is sleep )and i drove really badly home.

Am i a dick for being upset? I had a blazing row with my bf as well as he said i was being a **** and that i know how hard things have been for my sis recently but he was pissed and no help to me goin home as he slept near all the way home and i kept having to stop cos i was exhausted.

i dont know how to handle this at all. on one hand im making a big deal over myself, but am i worth so little that trhis kind of thing is ok?

MitchKoobski

Kinda gonna be siding with the sister on this one

• It was her house, and you were staying with her family
• You could have easily asked them to keep it down a bit
• You could have made the drive back up in the afternoon. Im assuming your nervous driver situation comes from traffic and busy roads. The roads were empty today.
• You should have to ask. If you dont ask, how is she supposed to know that you were annoyed? For all she knew you were asleep in the bed.

Neyite

Well, I would say that if you never let her know until 7 am and then flipped at her, then yes, you are being bratty. Sorry if its harsh.

Certainly she should have moved the party to a different room to help you sleep, if you had asked her. But she probably thought that you were out for the count upstairs, and you never let her know otherwise.

If you had popped downstairs and asked to speak to her in the kitchen, then mention nicely that the noise was keeping you awake and would she mind moving the gang into the kitchen so you could sleep it might have gone down better than yelling at her in her home in front of friends.

fghijkl

on one hand im making a big deal over myself, but am i worth so little that this kind of thing is ok?

You're making a huge deal over nothing.
imho*, you obviously have bigger issues with your sister and a huge chip on your shoulder in relation to your family and are using this non issue as a front to play the victim and try and validate these issues to yourself.

It was your sisters house, if she want's to throw a 4 day party she can, it's her house. It's not her fault you're a nervous driver.

You were a guest in her home. You don't live there so no, you have no right to dictate what goes on in her house tbh.

If you had asked her privately to keep the noise down, then ok, yes out of common courtesy she should have, it still doesn't mean she had too, again it's her home. But you didn't ask. She's not a mind reader.

* and it is just an opinion/observation

LegacyUser

You are being absolutely ridiculous, selfish, unrealistic and precious.

Do you think the whole house should revolve around you? It wasn't your house it was your sisters. You were invited to a family party, it's no-one elses problem that you are a nervous driver and wanted to get up early.

As for;

i shouldnt have had to ask.

Totally unreasonable. You were pissed off, expected the whole party to stop because of you, but said nothing and then got angry because no-one knew you were disturbed.

Frankly you are being very, very unreasonable and if I had been your sister I would not be asking you back any time soon. And I would have been mortified if I was your boyfriend.

LegacyUser

Fair enough. i would never have done that to guests in my house though. i guess being considerate gets you nowhere lol. as to chip on shoulder it goes deeper than that and i wonder if it's mine or hers. . I'm nervous cos I'm only driving 5 months out of necessity rather than wanting to. I was like a demon! she topped it off saying it was 6 in the morning and she was tired!

guest 55

guest 55 wrote: »

what could i say?
...
i thought they might quieten down cos i was in bed
...
I just feel like she could have moved it into the kitchen or quietened it down or something,
...
the one thing i really cant do without is sleep

Sorry OP, I've gotta agree with MitchKoobski here, you should have just said something, or put up with it. Seems like you were causing trouble for yourself so that you could have something to be upset about (not on purpose). That could definitely be described as slightly childish behaviour. It's most likely that you're not usually like this, and that you have issues with your sister that you need to deal with, which have nothing to do with your sleeping arrangements. As for what you could have said, you've already said it as above in the quote.
"Here guys, I'm heading to bed because I've got to get a good night's sleep or I'll be a wreck driving tomorrow, could you do me a favour and keep it down a bit? It's just the one thing I really can't do without is sleep, I'd really appreciate it!"

i dont know how to handle this at all. on one hand im making a big deal over myself, but am i worth so little that trhis kind of thing is ok?

This kind of thing is ok, but it doesn't mean that you're "worth so little". I've stayed over in friends/family's houses more times than I can remember, but I'm pretty sure I can't ever remember having a room to myself, never mind everyone moving the party to a different room and quietening down for me. It would never occur to me that it would be expected. Yet I don't think it's because I'm not worth anything, it's just that I'm aware that when everyone's drinking and I leave the room, the party goes on without me. Even if they did want to be quiet for you, it's quite difficult to remember to keep it down, or even realise you're being loud when you've a good few drinks on you and you're having a good time.

If I'm really honest, I think it's slightly odd that you would want everyone to stop having craic once you'd gone to bed. Being quiet isn't like turning a volume knob on a telly, it would mean that everyone would have to be thinking of you with every word they spoke, and not laugh out loud or get excited or have any arguments. Basically the party would have to stop. And even so, they probably would have if you had asked them.

LegacyUser

guest 55 wrote: »

Fair enough. i would never have done that to guests in my house though.

You weren't the only guest. You weren't some sort of special Guest of Honour. You were invited to a party. And lucky you were too to be invited to a nice party by your sister. Instead of being greatful you made a scene for nothing.

guest 55 wrote: »

i guess being considerate gets you nowhere lol.

Not even funny. There is a difference between consideration and mind reading. You were totally in the wrong and you need to think about the fact that you felt so entitled to behave the way you did even when everyone else was telling you how out of order you were.

guest 55 wrote: »

as to chip on shoulder it goes deeper than that and i wonder if it's mine or hers. .

Sounds like yours tbh

guest 55 wrote: »

I'm nervous cos I'm only driving 5 months out of necessity rather than wanting to. I was like a demon! she topped it off saying it was 6 in the morning and she was tired!

So you had this tantrum at 6 in the morning? Even worse.
Everyone is nervous when they start driving and it's a necessity for everyone too. You have got to stop thinking of yourself as special and 'hard-done-by'. You can't take your moods out on other people. Grow up.

You owe your sister a big apology for souring the party for nothing other that pure selfishness and ungratefulness. And you also owe your boyfriend an apology.

It IS NOT OK to take out your temper on other people when you are tired/worn out. Being tired is part of life. Get used to it.

tinkerbell

First of all, you are being completely unreasonable. It's not your house, it's your sister's home. You should've stayed in a hotel if you wanted that kind of service.

Second of all, you're only driving 5 months and are a nervous driver? You're doing a 5 hour road trip with only 5 months experience (so I am presuming you don't have a full license), if your bf has a full license and is supervising you, then him still being intoxicated would presumably not be acceptable to the gardai. And you're picking the easter bank holiday weekend to do such a trip, and having no sleep the night before. You're the one being completely irresponsible here. Nervous driver, hardly any driving experience, no sleep the night before, 5 hour trip and a drunken bf beside you? Recipe for a disaster if you ask me. Next time, plan your trips properly and start acting like a mature adult, not a spoiled brat as you put it.

fghijkl

Fair enough. i would never have done that to guests in my house though. i guess being considerate gets you nowhere lol.

lol??? how snide...
She had other guests in her house. You weren't the only one there. Had she stopped the party, she would have been inconsiderate to them. She had invited them over under the assumption of a party/get together presumably. To suddenly turn around after inviting them and say, oh sorry my sisters here we must stop all the fun and be quiet would have been very inconsiderate to them

She wasn't being inconsiderate to you In order to be inconsiderate of someones feelings you have to first be aware of that persons feelings. She wasn't. As has been said for all she knew you were fast asleep in the room. Unless she's telepathic she wasn't being inconsiderate.

as to chip on shoulder it goes deeper than that and i wonder if it's mine or hers. .

From what you've posted it would seem the chip is very much on your shoulder.

I'm nervous cos I'm only driving 5 months out of necessity rather than wanting to.

So? Everyone is the same when they first learn to drive. It's like learning to ride a bike, or starting a new job or your first day at college. It's one of those things you have to do/deal with on your own. Nobody gets preferential treatment for having to do something which millions of people learn to do for the first time everyday. That's life!

I was like a demon! she topped it off saying it was 6 in the morning and she was tired!

She topped it off?! the mind boggles. Topped what off? You were the one being irrational! She'd been up entertaining friends for the entire night and drinking having a good time, of course she was tired!


Sorry if i'm being harsh OP, but you're really coming across like a massive drama queen who has too much pride to admit she's wrong. If even my own boyfriend was siding with my sister then i'd be taking a good look at myself tbh, drama queens are incredibly draining and you may find that eventually people decide that it's not worth the hassle of having one in their lives.

solovely

I think people are being really tough on the OP here. She was obviously very tired and cranky when she posted, and I assume understands now that she was in the wrong.

Similar thing happened to me with my family at the weekend (although their party was unplanned, they brought a load of people back from the pub and stayed up partying til all hours), and even though you know you have no right to complain as you are technically a guest (in my case in my own family home), it's still very frustrating and annoying to lie there awake wishing they would shut the hell up, especially knowing you have a stressful day ahead of you. In my case, I asked them to keep it down twice, they didn't, so I got my own back by making lots of noise the next morning.

Anyway, back to the OP. Everyone is right, you have no right to be angry, as you were a guest, and you probably overreacted, but when we are tired and stressed, most of us overeact when provoked. I think the best you can do now, is apologise to your sister, explain how tired and nervous you were, but that you know you shouldn't have taken it out on her. And then next time, don't arrange to drive at 7am when you know there's a chance you'll be kept awake all night. If you are that nervous and such a new driver, maybe you shouldn't be doing 5 hour journeys anyway. Would you boyfriend drive, or could you get a train in future?

Good luck OP. I assume you've calmed down today, so don't take all the previous posts too personally. You didn't come across great in your original post, but I'm sure that's to do with tiredness and frustration. You're not a bad person!!

I am a friend

Yep its her house and you were a guest. You are out of order telling her how to behave in her own house. Stay somewhere else the next time

Firetrap

You didn't handle it well, that's for sure. I can understand why you felt aggrieved - there is nothing worse than trying to sleep if you're in a noisy house - but lying in bed getting more and more angry over it was not the way to go. I'm assuming too that you didn't know that the friend would be staying over before you travelled? No wonder you blew the head.

What you should have done was go back downstairs and taken your sister aside for a quick word. I'm sure she would have done something to help, be it fixing you up in a different room or moving the party to elsewhere in the house. She's not telepathic. Also, you can't assume that anybody who's having a great time is going to give a second thought to how others around are getting on with the noise.

metrovelvet

This is why I hate staying in other people's houses. Their houses, their rules and you have to suck it up.

Honestly, I think its pretty inconsiderate to be making a racket if you have guests in the house who are sleeping, but what can you do? When I have guests I go out of my way to make them feel comfortable and welcome...after a point [you know what the Brits say..guests and fish stink after three days...]

To smooth things over with your sister, call her tell her your sorry, that you were exhasuted from no sleep, and that in future you will stay in a b and b to avoid any further conflict.

thalia_13

Recently we had a family party, a few birthdays fell around the same time so decided to combine celebration. A friend of mine wanted to come but only announced close to the date. She had to book a b&b due to fact we had 20ppl staying over on airbeds couches and even in cars. She let it be known that she wasn't happy bout staying in a b&b so I managed to borrow an airbed to shove in a corner for her.

So all going smoothly party goes ahead at venue we all return to the house at 1 to continue the party about 40 ppl max. She went to bed immediately complaining that it was an awful imposition to be sleeping on an airbed and why had others been allocated beds! Anyways she proceeded to come down every so often and tell us to turn off the music and go to bed.
She was rude and obnoxious to my parents and every other guest there all day so I must admit when she said to turn music off we turned it up louder.

Have to say your sister was right to be annoyed with you because you never voiced your problem to her.perhaps if you had they'd have moved rooms or even called it a night. You were a bit of a spoiled brat alright its not your sisters fault.

thalia_13

Recently we had a family party, a few birthdays fell around the same time so decided to combine celebration. A friend of mine wanted to come but only announced close to the date. She had to book a b&b due to fact we had 20ppl staying over on airbeds couches and even in cars.

She let it be known that she wasn't happy bout staying in a b&b so I managed to borrow an airbed to shove in a corner for her.

So all going smoothly party goes ahead at venue we all return to the house at 1 to continue the party about 40 ppl max. She went to bed immediately complaining that it was an awful imposition to be sleeping on an airbed and why had others been allocated beds!

Anyways she proceeded to come down every so often and tell us to turn off the music and go to bed. She was rude and obnoxious to my parents and every other guest there all day so I must admit when she said to turn music off we turned it up louder. I know that was being inconsideratebecause we totally disregarded her request but purely out of frustration at her behaviour.

Have to say your sister was right to be annoyed with you because you never voiced your problem to her.perhaps if you had they'd have moved rooms or even called it a night. You were a bit of a spoiled brat alright its not your sisters fault.

Pwpane

I can't say that I think very much of the boyfriend in this.

He knew you're a nervous driver.

He knew you had gone to bed and presumably he knew why.

You drove him there and were to drive him back.

Yet he stayed up all night and got drunk, and then took your sister's side against you? Having ignored you all night?

I don't think I'd be driving him anywhere again in the near future.

LegacyUser

Pwpane wrote: »

Yet he stayed up all night and got drunk, and then took your sister's side against you? Having ignored you all night?

'sisters side' ???

There are two 'sides' -the right side and the wrong side. He took the side of the person in the right as he is perfectly entitled to do.

He would have been a bad boyfriend if he had supported OP against his better judgement and indulged her Princess mentality. By him speaking the truth hopefully he has helped her to think twice before she ever attempts to play the Prima Donna again.

OP was driving, I presume by her own decision. She wasn't carrying the cross up Calvary. She was driving on a bank holiday Monday on empty roads.

It's not up to the boyfriend to enable spoiltness, he was perfectly right to be embarassed at OP's carry on.

Firetrap

I think you're being harsh on the OP by referring to her princess mentality. I get the impression she didn't travel all that way, expecting to find herself in the middle of an all night party. One that went on til 7am, - now that's a serious party! Parties are great fun if you are involved in them but it's not quite so much fun if you are wrecked and desperately need to sleep. The only thing the OP is guilty of is being overly dramatic about the incident and not taking her sister aside for a chat. The best thing she can do is ring her sister up and apologise. And next time she goes to visit, try to do it when her sister won't be having a party.

Chessala

Well, tbh the best thing to get less nervous when you drive is...to drive. You don't get more secure if you avoid it as much as possible. When I made my license in Germany I went on a vacation trip with my friend a week later, me being the sole driver (and owner of the car anyway) and it helped me a great deal. I know the regulations to drive here are rather lax(or used to be with the new regulations) so gaining security to drive properly is hard.
Anyway, fact remains that you have to drive to get better at driving.

In regards to her sister, the OP really acted spoiled. I mean, I am sure she would have done something about your sleeping if you had just let her know. She probably assumed you were out cold, how can she guess you are being disturbed? Whatever the chip in your shoulder is, I think you should try to clear it up with your family. Right now it sounds as if you are the one that has issues with her self-confidence.

You really should apologize to your sister as she was completely right in this case.

Firetrap

As an aside, I agree with Chessala on the driving thing. Don't build up making long journeys into a big thing. I know people who won't drive in the dark and end up having to leave events way too early because of this. Driving isn't rocket science. In fact, the trickiest place I found to negotiate when I started was the main street of the town where I come from. Just drive whenever you can. It might help you next time you visit your sister as well - that you won't feel you need to set off early in the morning to get home

LegacyUser

I'm a little confused by the people saying that the OP was invited to a party, or that she should have made better travel arrangements for the next day.
From what I read it seems that she was just going to visit her sister and nieces/nephews for the night, and that after she arrived her sister decided to have a friend over, and from there her sister, her boyfriend, her sister's friend, and her sisters kids (who I'm guessing must be teenagers/adults to be allowed to stay up at a party all night) ended up staying up until 7am drinking and being loud.

Fair enough, it's her sisters house and she can do what she wants, and the OP could have just asked her to quieten down but I reckon the OP just didn't want to make a scene or be a party pooper, but just finally cracked after too much tiredness.
I just get the impression that the OP didn't know that there was going to be such a late party when she went there, and her sister and her boyfriend DID know that she had to be up really early, but continued to be loud right underneath her room. I know, I know, it's her sister's house so her rules, and the OP should have said something, but I mean come on, a bit of common sense and decency should make you think twice about having a loud session until 7am right underneath the room of your friend/sister when you know they are getting up early for a long drive. The person shouldn't have to be put in the slightly uncomfortable position of having to ask you to move to a different room, because nobody would like doing that in another person's house.
As for the boyfriend not even going to bed but staying up getting twisted, calling the OP a bitch in the morning, then passing out asleep in the car for the OP to ferry him home after his session, I would be well pissed off with him too.

You should try to clear the air with your sister OP. Explain that you realise it is her house, and that you are sorry for flipping, just explain that you were extremely tired, snappy, and anxious about the drive. If you are staying over in future and you have an early drive, try to find out in advance if there is going to be a party, or if an unexpected one pops up, have a plan already made with your sister about maybe a different room you could sleep in, or a different party room that your sister agrees to.

As it is your sister's house, and you didn't ask her to quieten down, then people are going to naturally see your sister's point. I can see why you were upset and annoyed though.