wat do i do ?????

jehutey

been going with a girl for 5 years and engaged for one and a half of those she went on girly holiday and kissed someone else i found out cause she was acting sketchy wnen useing my computer to upload off of cam and then filter pics to fb big ****ing arguement and promised she not do anything like that again

,a few weeks ago she has a go at me for talking to a daughter of a friend that added me on fb nothing dirty just random banter but big ****ing arguement and i cancelled fb to shut her up

,about a week after that she tells me she is bored with the relationshipand wanted time to herselfto think about us and hands me back the ring we agree to be friends then three days later we met for lunch and tells me she changed her mind and wants back together ,

for a week after that she is sketchy and short tempered changes every password and access code that she previously had no probs me knowing and or being saved in my browser .

so i checked her phone and found out she was texting all kinds of flirty **** about blowjobs and complementing eachother on techinc to a brother of one of her friends i confronted her about it and it came out that she had kissed him a day or two before deciding to give ring back but also came out that in that three days he had his hands all over her and she gave him a blowjob in return and had been planning to go the whole hog if the (time on her own) lasted long enough

,.i dont know wat to think anymore i do not trust her one bit i feel like **** i want to tell her to **** off and die but i am part of her family as she is of mine i have seen her neices and nephews grow up and they call me their uncle and mine call her an aunt she has ****ed me over so badly and i dont know wat to do ?someone please help

ABajaninCork

Very hard to read this. Can you put into sentences & paragraphs?

TIA

jehutey

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Very hard to read this. Can you put into sentences & paragraphs?

TIA

edited hope this helps asi am crap typer sorry

STIG83

Sorry to hear about what happened, she kissed someone on holidays and gave someone else a BJ, i think id give her the heave ho TBH.

Ickle Magoo

Hey OP,
Take some time to yourself to get over the shock and decide what you want to do. If that means no contact for a while with her then do that - you have to look after you - and you seriously have to think about whether this is something you could, or should, manage to get over. The details are not the important part so try not to dwell on them - either you can get over your partners infidelity or you can't and by can I mean with no resentments or throwing back in the face or looking over your shoulder.

You have to decide if this is really the women you can trust and happily spend the rest of your life with - perhaps you have been given a lucky escape and she's shown her true colours?

All the best.

thefeatheredcat

jehutey wrote: »

,about a week after that she tells me she is bored with the relationship and wanted time to herselfto think about us and hands me back the ring we agree to be friends then three days later we met for lunch and tells me she changed her mind and wants back together ,

for a week after that she is sketchy and short tempered changes every password and access code that she previously had no probs me knowing and or being saved in my browser .

so i checked her phone and found out she was texting all kinds of flirty **** about blowjobs and complementing eachother on techinc to a brother of one of her friends i confronted her about it and it came out that she had kissed him a day or two before deciding to give ring back but also came out that in that three days he had his hands all over her and she gave him a blowjob in return and had been planning to go the whole hog if the (time on her own) lasted long enough

tbh I'd have to agree that what is best for yourself is the highest priority here.

so she was bored with the relationship, wanted out of the engagement, gave a guy a blowjob while you had both split and then went back to you?

I think the experience of the girlie holiday might have given her the chance to see the single life again and then broke up with you to try it out, and perhaps didn't like it (lack of security) or was overcome with guilt about her actions and then wants you back in relationship mode again.

tbh I think that's horrible, because it gave her licence to be with other guys in a justified manner to try the single life as in, "I broke up the engagement and was single, he was my friend then, not my boyfriend or fiancee so therefore I did not cheat". And then go back to the safety net of relationship and engagement....however, the fact this happened may prove her own true feelings to herself about you, as she could have been in doubt about what she wanted, or that there was a possibility of something with the guy she gave a bj to, but didn't work out.

I think the best way forward is to think about what you want out of a relationship and what your expectations are, sit down and talk things out together about what you each want for yourselves and what you both want/expect out of the relationship, if there is still one there for you together.

G-Money

End it.

It sounds like she got bored or whatever and wanted to go off with someone new so decided she "needed time to herself" and as others have pointed out, used this as a convenient way to go do whatever she wanted with someone else guilt free. While technically she might not have been cheating on you, she treated you with no respect whatsoever by a: cheating on you, b: wanting a temporary break-up so she could go off and fool around with someone else "guilt free in her mind", and c: come running back to you as some sort of back-up plan when it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

If the roles were reversed, do you really think she'd accept you ending it, going off with some other girl, then wanting to get back together with her a few days later? I'd say she'd never accept that, no matter what she might say otherwise, who would?

You probably need sometime to yourself but do you really want to be engaged and married to someone like this? What happens the next time she feels bored or whatever and wants to go off with someone else?

In these types of situations where someone gets hurt because of someone's else's actions and they try to reconcile, the first thing I always ask myself is "What's changed that is going to make it different this time? And how do you know they aren't going to do the same thing again?"

I don't think you've mentioned what age you two are, but I'm getting the impression she's old enough to know what she wants.

I don't think I'd accept such behaviour myself although it's easy for me to say that as I'm not involved.

Take time, forget about the family connections, they aren't the one's who are going to have to deal with the nitty day to day grind of being in the relationship. She sounds immature and selfish and seems to have little or no respect for you at all.

Sorry OP.

jehutey

G-Money wrote: »

End it.

It sounds like she got bored or whatever and wanted to go off with someone new so decided she "needed time to herself" and as others have pointed out, used this as a convenient way to go do whatever she wanted with someone else guilt free. While technically she might not have been cheating on you, she treated you with no respect whatsoever by a: cheating on you, b: wanting a temporary break-up so she could go off and fool around with someone else "guilt free in her mind", and c: come running back to you as some sort of back-up plan when it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

If the roles were reversed, do you really think she'd accept you ending it, going off with some other girl, then wanting to get back together with her a few days later? I'd say she'd never accept that, no matter what she might say otherwise, who would?

You probably need sometime to yourself but do you really want to be engaged and married to someone like this? What happens the next time she feels bored or whatever and wants to go off with someone else?

In these types of situations where someone gets hurt because of someone's else's actions and they try to reconcile, the first thing I always ask myself is "What's changed that is going to make it different this time? And how do you know they aren't going to do the same thing again?"

I don't think you've mentioned what age you two are, but I'm getting the impression she's old enough to know what she wants.

I don't think I'd accept such behaviour myself although it's easy for me to say that as I'm not involved.

Take time, forget about the family connections, they aren't the one's who are going to have to deal with the nitty day to day grind of being in the relationship. She sounds immature and selfish and seems to have little or no respect for you at all.

Sorry OP.

i put that to her and she actually said that she would dump me if she were in my shoes , i have felt for along time that she does not respect me at all and in more ways than wat happened recently .i have told her not to have contact with him who is a friend longer than i know her but how do i know she will do that , i haven t forgiven her for it and truthfully i cant even look at her without seeing them at it ,she is very clingy to her phone now which makes me more suspicious this is actually eating me up inside

thecookingapple

Take her advice, its good solid advice.

wishing you the best.

Elessar

Why on earth would you allow someone to treat you this way?

She kissed another bloke, gave him a BLOWJOB then came back to you? Now she is still secretive around you?? The trust is already gone.

There is no future here. Dump her immediately. I know it will be very hard, after being with her so long but that is what she deserves, and more importantly, it is what you deserve. Give her the preverbial boot out the door!!

G-Money

Ironically she has done you a favour here by her response and by her saying she'd never take you back if you did that. That's all the advice you need as to what to do and straight from the horses mouth.

All the best OP.

thefeatheredcat

i think that given her behaviour since you talked, your suspicions and not being able to trust her, I would actually take her advice on this.

Put it this way - if you forgave her, and put trust in her, chances are you are just leaving it all open to looking over your shoulder, feeling compelled to check up on her, not being able to trust her and end up resenting her for everything.

take her advice, end the relationship. If she wouldn't take you back if the situation was reversed, assuming you had been upfront and honest about it (or even in the underhanded way she was carrying on), then why should you be ok with it when she was trying to keep this all secret from you and hide it from you? Don't forget you only found out because you thought something was up.

You could have chosen to ignore what you felt, and thought her behaviour odd, but since she wasn't upfront about what happened in the first place, this could have ended up in a situation where she was cheating with this guy behind your back after you had taken her back and engaged. You're lucky you found out when you did, in light of that scenario.

Firetrap

Aside from what she did (which was pretty lousy IMHO), the problem for you now is that you can't trust her any more. Even if she isn't up to anything now and she isn't actually being clingy when it comes to her phone, you think she is. She broke your trust and unless you can honestly find it within yourself to trust her unreservedly from now on, it could well be time to call it quits. One of the most important things in any relationship is trust and she did quite a job of breaking that.

G-Money

Think of it this way.

Let's say you forgive her, can you really genuinely say you've forgiven her 100% and can completely trust her again? If not, you'll just turn into this needy, possessive guy. You'll always be wondering where she is and who or what she is doing. Then she'll end up ditching you because you are needy and possessive even though it was ironically her fault that you ended up that way (which she won't ever acknowledge btw).

Just walk away now with your head held high, even if you have to fake it until she's out of sight. You got out in time and relatively scar free compared to what might have been. Leave her be and if anything, she'll realise how stupid she was and can stew in her own guilt and deservedly so. After which time you'll have forgotten all about her and moved on to someone else.

Sound good dude?

LegacyUser

Hi jehutey,
Your story is like mine..almost identical but mine was back in BM(before mobile) days.
Long story but very very similar....I went ahead and took him back, married him and he went back to "exploring single life" 2years later after he planned our baby.

My life was hell.
Please get rid of this woman she does not love you and you are a good man who will meet someone far better.
As for the family etc you know for a long time...do you think any of THEM would put up with an unfaithful partner?

car.kar

Cheating is never acceptable, but to have done it just after agreeing to make a life long commitment to each other? Twice?? You need to have a really, really good think about this relationship. I would end it, tbh.