What exactly is expected of a Godparent in modern times?

Downlinz

Growing up I had very little interaction with my godparents, my godfather especially was an older cousin living in England who I met only a handful of times, hes a nice guy and had no issue or anything with his role but he was never involved in my life in the slightest and never really was any different to any other cousin I had. Talking to my siblings one of them never even met their godfather since they were a baby, the other didn't know their godmother.

All in all I felt the role of the godparent was uh yeah nothing whatsoever. It was a symbolic gesture at baptism and meant very little beyond that.


Now I'm a godparent myself to my sisters son and I'm finding theres a lot of pressure being put on me to be more involved with the kid. Not as an uncle, but as a godfather. I'm seemingly expected to give bigger gifts, more frequently, I'm the first call for babysitting (general opinion from family seems to be that its my responsibility to do this rather than request it from me) and to visit them more often and have some sort of special bond with them, pressure especially comes from my parents which is frustrating since I bet they didn't put that kind of pressure on my godparents given how uninvolved they were. :rolleyes:

Anyway I'm not really a baby person myself and don't feel that I should have extra responsibility to any other aunt or uncle just because I'm technically a godfather.

CrazyRabbit

Have lots of money.

Oh, and why did you agree to be the godfather in the first place?

krudler

Symbolic mostly, I'm my nephews godfather but my sister only got him christened to keep the parentals happy. I take him on days out to the cinema and stuff, not cos I'm expected to but because I want to, whether I was his godfather or not wouldnt change that.

Aoifey!

If you don't like babies and don't want to be a godfather, then why didn't you just say no when they asked?

Downlinz

Because its an honour to be asked and I felt the role was mostly symbolic. I don't think its really an option to turn it down on those grounds. :rolleyes:

The only benchmark I had for this role was the role my own godparents played which was very little.

Dades

Downlinz, it sounds like you need to take control of the situation. By all means have a little more contact with the child than you would have be virtue of already being an uncle, and make sure birthdays and Christmas presents are covered.

Regarding babysitting, unless the child has other uncles who help out - tell them to go and jump. Technically a godfather should be looking out for the spiritual welfare of the child, not provide childcare whilst the parents go out. And also relay this to your parents and tell them to you didn't sign up for that and it should not be expected of you.

Are the child's parents religious? If not - all bets are off - they haven't a leg to stand on!

RachaelVO

Don't mind the godfather bit, that to me is just a title... My children have no godparents. I have made legal arrangements just in case something happens to either my husband or it.

However, you are an uncle. You should be enjoying it so much, creating a bond with the child will benefit you as much as him. This particular time doesn't last long, and when he is a bit older you may enjoy spending more with him. Eventually you could be playing computer games, watching matches and eventually taking him for his first pint. That's the joy of being an uncle, and being a cool one at that!

Bride2012

I'm a godmother to my cousin's child in another country. For me, it's just remembering him for Christmas and Birthday presents.

I think that yours are being a bit cheeky with the ole free babysitting 'to bond'.

amdublin

Godparent means that at the christening you agree to support the Childs spiritual development.

I don't know where this crazy theory that some people have, that godparent equals legal guardian, came from

I hear people going on about it in work and I'm like wtf?

rameire

its usually to be there for them for spiritual development.

i have asked my childs godparents to be there for the child if they need family, dating or day to day help that the child feels they cannot ask myself or my wife.

amdublin

rameire wrote: »

i have asked my childs godparents to be there for the child if they need family, dating or day to day help that the child feels they cannot ask myself or my wife.

Aww that's nice

ppink

I think it is a lot about money. I had one mother delighted telling me how well qualified her daughter's godparents were as they will be loaded:rolleyes:.

Most people I know could not give 2 monkeys about the spiritual or religous side of godparent.
If I were you the next time they get on at you over something just ask them where in the Godparent guidebook does it say babysitting etc!!

my OH had that call for his goddaughter. we travelled 120 miles to babysit:eek:......what eejits we were.

January

RachaelVO wrote: »

Don't mind the godfather bit, that to me is just a title... My children have no godparents. I have made legal arrangements just in case something happens to either my husband or it.

However, you are an uncle. You should be enjoying it so much, creating a bond with the child will benefit you as much as him. This particular time doesn't last long, and when he is a bit older you may enjoy spending more with him. Eventually you could be playing computer games, watching matches and eventually taking him for his first pint. That's the joy of being an uncle, and being a cool one at that!

Everybody should have this in place, godparent does not equal guardianship if something were to happen to you or your partner!!!

Froggy7

I have made clear to the godparents of our kids that we are not interested in presents and money... We chose them because we like them as people, friends, siblings and it's a way for me to say "we trust you, we want you to be part of our small family unit and we think you'll be a great extra support for our kid".

My kids love their Godparents because they can have fun with them, they can talk to them and even if they don't see some of them too often, it's always a happy occasion.

I think it's unfair that you're asked to babysit and you should defo put your foot down about that. But give the kids a chance: they might not be interesting to you right now because they're very young, but have patience and the bounds you'll eventually develop with them will be magical!

I didn't pick my brother as a godfather because he was too young (21) and had no interest in kids at the time. It was hurtful for me sometime to see how little he cared (keep that in mind for your nephew's parents). Ten years on and it's amazing to see how they get on!

Sleepy

While we never had Rory christened (devout atheists in this house ), I did ask my best friend to be her godfather. Not being too used to kids at all he replied that he'd be honoured but "eh, what do I have to do?".

My answer? "Teach her to surf".

Was it just for that skill I chose my friend to be her godfather? Of course not, it's for the values and outlook he has on life that he could help me to pass on to her along with his love of a healthy and fulfilling hobby. For some, those values would be religious (godparents in the catholic tradition), for others materialism (a godparent who'll buy big presents), for others it might be that the chosen godparent has ambition, drive and a successful career they'd like their child to aspire to.

witchgirl26

I was asked to be godmother to my nephew & my sister-in-law did start mentioning things about "now that I was working I could buy him lots of nice things". It was at that point that I laid down the law in respect of my role as a godmother - yes I will spend a small bit more on him that my other nieces & nephews at birthdays/Christmas, however he will not be getting presents all the time. Not only would it spoil him but also that's not what I'm there for. I told his parents that I would always be there for him & support him & that he'd know that if he needed to talk to a grown up (who wasn't his parents), then he could always come to me. He's a very quiet child but I always sit & chat to him & he does open up to me. I think that's the most important role of a godparent - to be there for the child in whatever way the child needs. I don't agree with it being a free babysitter either.

I was lucky in my godparents I think. My godmother lives the other side of the country but I was always made to feel important be her. My godfather was always there for me & encouraged me especially when I showed an interest in things he liked & knew about. Neither of them were particularly religious but I think it's more than that now.

BostonB

I think babysitting is taking you for a ride. Not that you shouldn't do it. But that its got anything to do with being a godfather.