Am i weird because i feel something???

LegacyUser

I was friends with a girl for 10 years from the age of 15 and im now 25, I always been a good friend (I thought) to her, She and her fiancé are together the same amount of time as me and my fiancé (8 years) I called her a friend but when I went through some issues with my fiancé she avoided my texts for a month, and when my brother had a heart attack she ignored me again.

One major problem I had with her is her fella and mine are working together at the same job, and make the same money. However where we saved every cent to buy our house, they went on 3 hols a year and got loans to pay for them. They went out drinking constantly, and my fiancé and I got nothing but SLAGGING off them because we weren’t out 3 nights a week! We would get texts at 3am saying we were “Old fogies and would want to get a life”

Then About 6 months ago I found out this woman was spreading rumors about me to the town, That I was pregnant, I was cheating on my fiancé, and a certain secret that I only told 2 people (her and the other one was my mother) so I know it came from her. So I stopped contact with her, she denied it but I know this came from her and it wasn’t my mum because the secret involved my mum so why would she spread it???

Long story short it’s been 6 months, I’m so happy. I’m getting married next year- I’ve a great bunch of mates who I love and who love me no matter how broke I am. However I found out recently that my old friends had a bit of a hard time. Her Grandmother died, then her and her fiancé were turned down for a mortgage, Then I heard he left her and she’s suicidal.

I feel weird. This woman hurt me very much, yet I want to hug her. My fiancé says im a fool and im too soft, and maybe he’s right. My mates say it’s normal after 10 years to feel something but that I have to remember at the end of the day she hurt me, And that when I went through stuff in my life she avoided me!

Am I mad to feel weird that she’s hurting?

Fentdog84

As the saying goes what goes around comes around. Of course its not nice that she has hit such a low, but the bottom line is that she let you down before and were you to reopen contact with her, more than likely she will do the same again. Some people never change Im afraid. Stop worrying about it and move on with your own life.

Firetrap

I think you've donned the rose tinted glasses and remembered the person you once thought she was. Those things she did regarding the spreading rumours and breaking a confidence are not the sorts of things any friend would do. Quite frankly, they're spiteful things to do and makes me wonder does she like you at all?

As for the stuff that has happened in her own life, well she'll have to come to terms with that in her own time. It's tough that her gran died and that she has no fiancée (I think they're dead lucky they didn't get that mortgage but that's neither here nor there) but even if you did go see her, would she be using you? She might be glad to have someone saying comforting words to her but afterwards, she could well turn around and bite you in the hand again.

It's not weird that you feel something, it stands to you that deep down you still care about your friend even though she hurt you. However if I were you I wouldn't act on it by getting in touch.

Some people are your best friend when they're rock bottom, and when you put out your hand to help them they'll climb over you instead to get to the top. I'd guess that your friend would be more than willing to use you to get back on top of things again and then dump you, or worse.

Neyite

I wouldnt get in touch with her. Sorry to be blunt but - she doesnt like you. She made that clear with the horrible things she said about you. If you go back now to try and comfort her or whatever, then she will see this as you coming around to gloat at her misfortune.

I would have little sympathy for her - a horrible person got their comeuppance - if the same thing happened to you she would gleefully spread it far and wide. She is not worth it.

Little Acorn

You're not weird OP. You're just a kind hearted person. There is nothing wrong with being kind hearted or a bit of a softy, infact it is usually an endearing and admirable trait.
In this case however, I think it would be best to go against your automatic kind nature, as I feel you would just end up getting hurt badly by this person again.
I know that sometimes people can change, but from the sounds of it this person was never really a good friend to you anyways. She acted more like an enemy in her actions, and ignored you when you were going through tough times yourself, so you don't have any obligation to help her out.
It might be hard for you OP, but sometimes you need to put yourself first to protect yourself from further hurt.
She's not your responsibility, her own family/friends if she has any, can try to help her out. If she doesn't have any, it's still not your problem, and I'm sorry if that sounds harsh.
Just try to push it out of your mind, and focus on and continue to enjoy your own life at the minute.
I also agree with the poster that there's the possibility that if you try to help her, she will twist it to others and say that you came gloating to her.
Because it sounds like jealousy of you and your fiance's lifestyle might have always been a little bit of an issue for her.

LegacyUser

Hi all

Thank you for your replies. I pretty much figured that was going to be the response i got, I knew myself in my own way I guess i just wanted to know it wasnt just me

I saw her the other day in town, Caked in make up, skirt up her arse hanging out of her ex fiance- I guess they are back together. I got a big dirty look off her either way and i just started laughed! She didnt look impressed

Little Acorn wrote: »

Because it sounds like jealousy of you and your fiance's lifestyle might have always been a little bit of an issue for her.

Not to sound rude but theres no way she could have been jealous of our lifestyle. We saved every cent we had, never went out, lived on the bredline basically for 2 years so we could get our house, While she ment on hols and was always out. Nothing to be jealous of we didnt have a lifestyle:)