Virgin. 20. Scared. Want warmth, understanding, care

LegacyUser

I am a virgin. I am 20. I have been the fool around with girl but never the potential girlfriend. I was the 'other woman' through kissing once, it was horrible and I am never going there again. It was over two years now. I am scared of intimacy, I can never imagine showing a man the space between my legs - as frank and humiliating as that sounds.

I look at couples and I feel a mixture of sadness, anger and jealousy. Two people whose hands run over each other in the most wondrous way, so connected and uninhibited.

As cliched as it sounds I just cannot imagine me being one half of an equation like that. I feel like I have so much to offer. I am reasonably intelligent, caring, compassionate . . . I allow for people, do you know what I mean. Each single existence. I am not the greatest looker in the bunch, but not what society would perceive as the worst.

I really want a man to love me as a person rather than just think vagina = goal! I want to be sexually stimulated, I want to orgasm, but that is not the end. It can feel like men just want sex, I'm a product to be discarded afterwards and that scares me. Advice???

Ickle Magoo

I think the first thing you have to do is lose the overly negative image of men and the negative image you seem to hold of yourself. You seem to view yourself as a vagina and assume everyone else must do likewise?

There are users of both genders but you have the time and opportunity to try to sort them out from the genuine types - and there are many genuine men who are as scared/nervous/excited at the prospect of sex or relationships as you are.

Accept their are players and there are users and just wait for something that feels a bit special...and never just "settle" would be my advice.

All the best

baby and crumble

I agree with Ickle, you seem to think that all men want is sex. That's not true, there are so many guys out there who want to find a girlfriend, be intimate, everything you want, they want too! SO many of my guy friends talk like this, I genuinely think that they are the majority, but they make so little noise about it, generally, that they're almost invisible. They only admit that they want all the intimacy with people they really trust, whereas the guys who do want to shag around are really loud about it.

Honestly, please don't think that all guys are just after sex and nothing more. (BTW I'm not a guy, I'm not even a straight girl, I just know a lot of guys who are sweethearts!!!)

LegacyUser

Rest assured not all men are like that.

I used to think I'd never meet anyone who'd want me for me until I met my OH.
He is the sweetest, most affectionate, tender and loving man I have ever met. He shows me everyday that I'm the most important thing to him, not sex.

When I'm lying in his arms, I almost have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. I could never have imagined that happiness happening for me.

Don't lose heart, it'll happen and you'll appreciate it all the more when it does.

Rufus the brave

You could make sure there's no alcohol involved in your first session. That might help

HugoDrax

I really want a man to love me as a person rather than just think vagina = goal! I want to be sexually stimulated, I want to orgasm, but that is not the end. It can feel like men just want sex, I'm a product to be discarded afterwards and that scares me. Advice???

You are never going to know in advance.
Some men will be in love with you and other men will just pretend so they can get you into bed.
That's just a risk you are going to have to take.
Maybe you should just enjoy having sex?

steddyeddy

Its not all about sex for men and dont think that. The first person who can give you intimacy, care and love is yourself. Have respect for yourself and people will respect you.

miec

Hi Op

First of all you will need to overcome your fear of intimacy and view yourself in an entirely different manner. You are a person, a whole person and if some aspects of society choose to deem women as vaginas etc, let them on, you can still choose to view yourself as a person.

Secondly, know that people who use others for sex, well it takes two users to have that type of sex. For instance I used to go to bed very quickly with men, I did it because I want to be wanted, they wanted a physical release. I have learned that we both used each other, so no one person uses another.

That means when you meet a guy think of him as a person not just a man wanting a hole. Men are people too, they have feelings, insecurities, want love, affection, intimacy and I am learning that this can only be developed slowly via friendship and affection over time. Of course it is scary to bear your body to a stranger, it is equally scary for a man to show his wibbly bits too and he has the pressure of maintaining an erection, be a hot lover, be the dominant one, etc, etc. If you can see the vulnerability in men whilst ensuring you are safe (but not closed off) it will make you more open, more loving and less afraid.