Language barrier and then some!

LegacyUser

* TO ADMIN - I POSTED THIS BEFORE BUT IT WASN'T PUT ON. IT ISN'T A WIND-UP. I THINK I FORGOT TO ADD A TITLE? *



Hi everyone,

I've looked around the forums and tbh I could post in more than one really but this seems to be the most relevant section. My dilemma involves a girl at the local store. I'll start at the beginning. I used to go into this place with my father all the time. One day I got a call to say he'd had a stroke and guess where I was ... you guessed it. He passed away 11 months ago and it became incredibly difficult to go back there. Everything reminded me of him.

I guess I was over - friendly to everyone, I guess when you're down in the dumps as much as I was (we were like brothers) it goes that way: you kind of crave nice interaction with people. I live alone, but I don't cut out pictures of Miriam O'Callaghan and stick them in an album or anything

Anyway this amazing Polish girl starts being really chatty, discussing her week etc. one evening when I'm in there. This is like 5 or 6 months ago. I was having a serious downer, so I politely empathised and went my way. A few weeks later I was in there and turned an aisle to see her doing her shopping. Que big friendly hello. Then I realised she was with a guy. Oops. A few weeks later again (while she was working) she shouted at me to go to another till! It was kinda loud and heads turned!

Didn't see her for literally months then a few weeks ago I'm in there with a friend from the U.S. She's all friendly to everyone in the que, then when it comes to me she doesn't say 'hello', and avoids eye contact. I barely got a "thank you" out of her, and even that was prompted by me. It was just so obvious that I made her feel uncomfortable.

Now in the overall run of things, I felt a bit hard done by. This store is the only one open late in my area, and the prices are pretty good. I fancied this girl in whatever way someone who is going through loss does, but I sussed that she's fixed for a man so there's no issue there. I sort of wondered if she was afraid that a/ I was going to ask her out, or b/ thought I might have told my American friend what a this and that I think she is (we have a negative on both fronts btw)

I do promise to get to the point soon. Yesterday I was in there and happened to spot her packing shelves. Decided "feck it" and walked up to her. I asked her straight out if I'd offended her in some way. She told me she didn't understand. I noted she used to be friendly and isn't anymore, and asked if she'd prefer that I go to another till when she's working (though in hindsight this isn't very practical, as there's usually only one open)

She again said she didn't understand, so I said oh well, maybe it's me, got the wrong impression (yeah right!) etc. I left it at that. Had a serious 'd'oh!' moment when I got home. I thought she was being smart, but maybe she didn't understand English that well, as opposed to playing games.

At the end of the day I've no interest in making her feel uncomfortable or in her making me feel uncomfortable. I try to treat people nicely and with respect, and quite frankly from my own point of view this really sucks ... on top of the fact that the odd time it's still weird going into this place for aforementioned reasons. It's a strange one I guess, but does anyone have any ideas?

Thanks in advance.

Kevin Duffy

Hi OP, my sympathies for your loss and I hope you're doing as well as can be with that.

Perhaps you could just accept that while in the shop the girl is at work and language barrier or not, she wouldn't appreciate someone approaching her to initiate a confrontation.

If she is working, you're entitled to polite, professional behaviour from her, not explanations for something you may have entirely created in your own head. She is entitled to go about her job without anyone crossing the line. How would anyone feel if somone came into their workplace and challenged them about their behaviour? Embarrassed? A little angry? Wary of them in future?

Just shop there and expect no more than you're entitled to, it's a workplace and a place of business.

Sibylla

OP I'm sorry for your loss. I think you may have been reading into your exchanges with her too much. Continue to shop in the store if you wish but just treat her as you do any other employee and avoid too much small talk.

LegacyUser

Thanks mods

Appreciate the sympathies folks. I guess the bit that really got me was the bad reaction in front of my friend ... it was downright annoying. He didn't even know I shopped there regularly, didn't know I knew her, but the contrast between how she treated me and other customers was so palpable he joked "I didn't know you had a rape conviction" on the way out. Yes, he has a lousy sense of humour, but you get the gist.

I never went out of my way to woo this girl in the first place, tbh at the time I had zero interest in matters romantic / relationship anyway. I'll elaborate on the final friendly conversation before customer care took a nosedive. She started complaining like mad about her employer, which kind of surprised me, from out of nowhere!

Poor girl was working night and day. I saw her in there once and she clearly could hardly keep her eyes open. She then disappeared for a few months and re-appeared. I dunno, maybe every time she sees me it's like "Oh s*** (or whatever the Polish for that is ) there's the guy I said that to". Let's remember, she still works in the same place.

I didn't quite confront her, it was more a friendly but direct word in the ear. All amicable. I have to admit I'm pedantic when it comes to these things: I'm very much of the worker / customer idea myself, though having said that if she intimated anything else I'm not going to lie and say that I wouldn't have gone for it! As I said in the OP as far as I can figure she's got a dude anyway.

Seraphina

I agree, you're reading too much into this. You've got to remember she's been at work all the times you thought she was being friendly, and thats part of her job.

As someone who used to work in a supermarket I can confirm that how friendly and receptive you are to random chats from strangers can really depend on so much - your mood, your current workload, how many hours you've got left, what social gathering you're missing because of work!

You've gotta realise she never once initiated contact with you outside of work. Does she know your name? She might not remember who you are from one week to the next, customers can all look the same sometimes! Don't take offence and please don't worry about going into the shop again!

LegacyUser

Sibylla wrote: »

I think you may have been reading into your exchanges with her too much.

There's not much reading into being treated all of a sudden like Gary Glitter ...

Sibylla wrote: »

but just treat her as you do any other employee and avoid too much small talk.

Why does everyone assume otherwise? I never talked to her any different from the middle aged women who works there! Why does everyone assume that my first motivation is getting in the sack with her? Jesus, I thought this was women's problem with men all along! Can't win!

Incidentally I never was the one initiating the smalltalk.

My initial question was how to move forward without being treated like s***.

raveni

AdoptedHumanOf2Cats wrote: »

A few weeks later I was in there and turned an aisle to see her doing her shopping. Que big friendly hello. Then I realised she was with a guy. Oops. A few weeks later again (while she was working) she shouted at me to go to another till! It was kinda loud and heads turned!

It seemed to be after this incident when she started being unfriendly to you. I could be reading into it too much but assuming the guy was her boyfriend, some guys can be extremely over-possessive he may have noticed your enthusiastic greeting and been a bit suspicious over it. Now, obviously an average guy wouldn't be but as I said some can be overly possessive and he may have brought this up with her and said he didn't want to see her talking to you again. Now I hope this isn't the case and once again I'm probably way off the mark.

I can understand your confusion at her treating you differently to the other customers and it is a little odd, but don't take it to heart, you've done nothing wrong.