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Poor parent role models/Seperated

  • 22-04-2011 12:01am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi everybody,

    I am a man in his early twenties. Basically, my parents split up nearly two years ago now, and I still haven't COMPLETELY gotten over it. They always told me that the family would always be together but they started arguing years ago, and after a horrendous few years, they broke up two years ago.

    I am quite neurotic I suppose, and I hate that about myself. My mother and father are both quite neurotic people, my mother left to be with another man, who was her shoulder to cry on while she wasn't getting along with my dad. My dad drinks every time he gets stressed, which is relatively common now seeing as his company is struggling. I live with my bro and dad. It is quite the toxic atmosphere. Sometimes I just wanna end it.

    On top of that, my younger brother is a bit of a waster, whatwith not completing his Leaving Cert, and drinking quite a bit. Add to that money issues, and college exams, and I'm a total mess. I have put on considerable weight too.

    I was on Cipramil a few months ago, and felt great. I tried to be strong and stop taking them, but I failed. I think I might need to go back on them but I don't want to appear as a junkie.

    How do I deal with the realisation that my parents were/are weak role models? Am I going mad?


Comments

  • #2
    Crea
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,049 ✭✭✭Crea


    Hi,
    I had to reply to your situation. My parents split up when I was in my early 20's and It was extremely tough for all of us. When things like this happen it makes us realise that our parents are human and make mistakes and that they behave badly. You need to accept this and realise that just because they had a bad marriage doesn't mean they are bad people. It takes alot of courage to walk away from a bad marriage and if you give yourself time (years and years) you'll see this. Also, as we all get older we see our parents more as equals and not as infallible role models and (in my case) they are still making mistakes but i'm more accepting of them because i'm not a perfect human being either and i'm not longer in my 20's;)
    You say that you're neurotic but i'm guessing that you think alot about situations especially bad ones. Also, you're not getting a chance to move on from your parents break up because you are still living with the fall out ie: your dads drinking. You can't fix your dad or brother - they will decide on their own paths.
    It sounds like you could do with some support ie: counselling while dealing with this . Your college may have someone you could talk to or at least point you in the right direction. As for the Ciprimil - it is not a weakness to need this while going through such a difficult time. It sounds like you came off it too soon and without having another support in place instead of it. I would recommend the counselling before anything but take the drugs if you feel you need them and only come off them with doctors advice as you generally need to be weaned off these type of drugs or else the come down can make you feel worse.
    Sorry for going on but it's a complex subject. Take care of yourself


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