Coming out

Meesared

Hey everyone, basically looking for some advice/stories for coming out.
Im trans and i feel i should tell my parents etc, the only thing is that im pretty sure theyre not going to take it well. Im not really all that sure how im going to handle it if the worst comes to worse, and its really whats held me back so long. So any advice/stories would be appreciated

Doop

Well not being trans I may not be a whole lot of use to you. And I may be way off the mark here, but do you live at home with your parents? if so, have you considered, that it might be beneficial to have (at least in your head) where you might go for a few days if they reacted badly? (not suggesting they will, just think its a good idea to have the bases covered before hand)

Maybe a friend who knows? Also it is a big thing to tell your parents and might be easier all round if you tell them and then leave it to sink in.

Wish you all the best with it, and if you feel ready then now is the time. I'm sure at the end of the day all they want is you to be happy. And you gotta do whats right for you.

Meesared

Yeah i get you i dont live at home though anymore thankfully lol

Links234

This is a good video on the subject:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpZ5CphcrmU

Meesared

stupid work blocking flash vids

deirdre_dub

Meesared wrote: »

Hey everyone, basically looking for some advice/stories for coming out.
Im trans and i feel i should tell my parents etc, the only thing is that im pretty sure theyre not going to take it well. Im not really all that sure how im going to handle it if the worst comes to worse, and its really whats held me back so long. So any advice/stories would be appreciated

The first thing I think you need to look at is the physical, practical consequences of it going badly. Not living at home is obviously a big bonus. After that - are there any other consequences that could reasonably happen and, if there are, what (if anything) can you do to mitigate them?

After that, it boils down to the emotional and psychological. Do you have a friend you can lean on if it goes badly? Also, how have your other comings-out gone? Could you do with more "practice" on other people first? (I know that might sound selfish, or sound like you are "using" friends, but I think it's justified to be somewhat selfish when dealing with these issues).

You asked for coming out stories. The first two times I came out, it went badly. I think that is partly because I was unsure of myself, and that uncertainty came out in what I said, though it was also partly due to the people I came out to. Funny thing is that, of all the people in my life, I thought those two people would be the best - they turned out to be the worst.

Of course, coming out to family members was always on my mind. I can remember, about 10 months before I started HRT, visiting my Dad over Christmas. The film "Breakfast on Pluto" was on the telly - I wanted to watch it with my Dad to see what his reaction was. However, when I heard him let out a snicker when he read the review for the film, I decided that I had learned all I needed to know, and that my Dad was probably going to be difficult.

I then started working on myself - understanding myself better, understanding transgenderism better, and gaining in confidence. My sense of style got better, I got more confidence going out as Deirdre, and I just really started to settle into my skin.

Having gained in confidence and understanding, I then decided it was time to bite the bullet and tell my Dad. He was fantastic. He hardly batted an eyelid - even when I told him about going for a sex change. He had seen the dramatic improvement in me, and he was wondering what had caused it, so when I told him, he was happy for me.

The point is - you just never know how people are going to react. It's a complete lottery.

I got better and better at telling people. For what it's worth, my formula is to start by saying "I have some news for you - it's not bad news, nor anything to be worried about - when would be a good time?". Sometimes, I said that whereas it's not bad news, it is "challenging". Then, when the time arrives, I would say "I've been diagnosed with a medical condition. It's called Gender Identity Disorder, and is more commonly known as transsexualism". That's it! That, and only that, is my speech. I then listen, and answer whatever comes up as well as I can.

Why do I use that speech? First of all, I think it's important to have a short speech - otherwise, I felt I could actually have ended up addressing my fears, not theirs. Second, it makes it clear that this isn't a decision I've made - it is something that I've been diagnosed with - it is an accident of my physiology, and not anything that I've got control over. Third of all, I deliberately "blame" the medical profession through my emphasis on the diagnosis aspect of it. Hopefully, if the person receiving the news has a problem, their initial reaction will be to be angry at the medical profession, thereby not being angry at me, and hence give me a chance to calm them down. Of course, these points apply to my life - your life is different.

I hope that was useful. Please read other people's coming out stories, tips and tricks. The above is what happened with me - that's all I can say about it. But everyone is different, and everyone's lives are different.