I'm in love with a girl living 2,000 miles away

LegacyUser

(20 year old male here)

I went out with a girl I met from September to Christmas while she was here on Erasmus. Problem is she lives about 2,000 miles away.

She wants to see me again though sometime and I would literally do anything to have that chance but that's why I don't think it's a good idea. We still keep in touch with each other and we are still friends. If we do see each other again it'll only be as friends but I don't know if I can do that. Right now if I was to see her again, I'd want to be her boyfriend again and I know this isn't a good idea. I've said this to her and she more or less told me that if we didn't live in different countries we still would be together which had the effect of making me miss her even more.

I know I'm going to get some advice along the lines of "move on" and "find someone else" but I don't know how to. This girl is truly special - I've never met anyone with even half of the qualities she has and I don't think I will meet someone like her again.

I would like to keep her as a friend at the very least but I don't know how to.

Would appreciate some advice, I think I'm losing my mind here.

Count Duckula

I don't mean to sound harsh here, but you're twenty years old. Is this your first serious relationship? I'd imagine so. It's normal to feel a bit overwhelmed, but I assure you she is not "the one" for you. She's just a girl you really like and miss. There will be more.

prinz

here here now now wrote: »

I would like to keep her as a friend at the very least but I don't know how to. Would appreciate some advice, I think I'm losing my mind here.

Keep in touch with her, write/skype/email/text/facebook, as a friend. Who knows, circumstances may change. No one can guarantee you will ever be more than a friend to her, but if you want there to be any sort of relationship for now, just keep in touch.

Count Duckula wrote: »

It's normal to feel a bit overwhelmed, but I assure you she is not "the one" for you. She's just a girl you really like and miss. There will be more.

While I don't believe in the rom-com notion of "the one" it's not really for anyone else to make such an assuarance to the OP. I have been at the receiving end of that advice and while it may be well meant it's not really pertinent tbh.

mrpink6789

Dude my advice would be cut contact or else it will just make things worse for you. I got involved with a Canadian back when I was your age and then had to come home. It was horrible because I wanted to be with her and she me but we lived in seperate countries. We tried to be friends but I just found it was worse so I cut all contact.

It was the best decision I made and now we are good friends as a result.

Trust me, just forget about her for the time being, you are young so plenty more will come along.

pigeonbutler

mrpink6789 wrote: »

Dude my advice would be cut contact or else it will just make things worse for you. I got involved with a Canadian back when I was your age and then had to come home. It was horrible because I wanted to be with her and she me but we lived in seperate countries. We tried to be friends but I just found it was worse so I cut all contact.

It was the best decision I made and now we are good friends as a result.

Trust me, just forget about her for the time being, you are young so plenty more will come along.

Did you leave out a step somewhere? How are ye good friends with no contact?

I'm confused

mrpink6789

pigeonbutler wrote: »

Did you leave out a step somewhere? How are ye good friends with no contact?

I'm confused

The power of social networking....

What I meant was we both cut contact just to help both of us get over each other. Then after hmm i think it was about a year we connected on facebook. You eventually get over someone and can be friends with them, well I can anyways but I know a lot of people are different.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice so far, yes it was my first serious relationship with anyone. It's been 5 months or so since I've seen here and I feel that I should be over her at this stage but I can't stop thinking about her. It's gotten a lot better but I still think of her almost every day and especially at nighttime. There's some nights I just dread going to bed because I'll just think about her. Thankfully, those nights are becoming more and more infrequent but they still occur from time to time.

I feel I should tell her that it's breaking my heart keeping in touch with her but I don't know how to. I want to keep in touch with her but I don't think I can move on if I do. How do I tell her this? Am I being unreasonable to maybe suggest that I take sometime and not talk to her until I'm ready to have a platonic relationship with her? Right now I can't see myself visiting and being content with only friendship.