confused...

castrolracing

Hi again everyone. I posted here about a month ago on a problem I have. I have what you could describe as a f**k buddy. Im 28 hes 24, neither of us are out. The last few months Ive developed really strong feelings for him. I got some good advice here from you all as to what I shud do. Anyway. I said it to him about a week ago that it had come to the stage that I didnt think I could be just a f**k buddy anymore, that I needed to end it or take it to the next step, a relationship. He told me that he knew exactly what i meant, but that he didnt think he could `give anymore`. He went on about not wanting to come out to his family, and kinda gave me the impression that this was the main thing that was stopping him committing to a relationship. In my opinion we dont need to come out straight away and we shud try it for a while in the closet to see how it goes. I mentioned about maybe going away for a night together, he didnt say he would or he wouldnt. I dont know what to do next, I havent been in contact with him since I mentioned this, we usually meet up about once a week or so. Should I mention it again the next time we meet or should I leave it to him to say something. I want to give him space and tim to think about it, but I cant go on like this indefinetly, its really cutting me up, I seem to think about nothing else, its affecting my work and life in general. Any thoughts you might like to share with me would be more than welcome. I know deep down that this will have to be resolved one way or the other soon or Ill go mad, but Im afraid of loosing him...

Aishae

hi again, its admirable that you want to give him space and work with him. but someone has to say something - or even if you dont decide one way or another right now, you need to agree on something. even giving it a try as you suggested. did you suggest that to him, that you could try things out on the quiet? and perhaps re-evaluate it at an agreed point? (for eg in a month or 2) i only say 'at an agreed time' so he knows that its not gonna be an idefinate in the closet relationship. as you say, you dont have to tell everyone right away and youll know yourself how long you can keep it on the quiet.

even a simple 'so, all of that stuff we talked about the other week. what do you think?' might work. it questions things but leaves the ball in his court. if he comes back to say he needs more time to think (possible) then you can ask 'how long do you think you'll need?' not in an agressive 'oh for godsake' kind of way but in an inquisitive 'so i dont have to keep pestering you' kind of understanding way.

i hope some of this is food for thought. you know yourselves the best. good luck

Elexis

You played your part, said what you had to say, so the the ball is in his court now. Wait and don't do anything rash is my advice.