He doesn't have a GF, why he said he'll bring his GF next time

375200272

Asked him to dine together with me and some of my roommates,
after dinner, when he back home,
texted him, if he had a good time.
He said he enjoyed it.
So I joked, next time he can bring his GF here.
He said, great !

Why he said this?
I'm 200% sure that he doesn't have a GF.
Is that coz' he can see that i fall in love with him,
but he doesn't like me,
so don't want to give me some hope?

mood

Why joke about his girlfriend if you are sure he doesn't have one?

Maybe he does have a girlfriend. Maybe you just didn't hear about her yet.

375200272

mood wrote: »

Why joke about his girlfriend if you are sure he doesn't have one?

Maybe he does have a girlfriend. Maybe you just didn't hear about her yet.

My roommate is one of his good friends,
if he has a GF, she must know.
And the way he acts would be different if he had one.

Just want to make sure, coz I don't want to be the poor "other woman" to chase after him.

That_Guy

If he says he has a girlfriend, you have to take him at is word OP. Simple as that really.

Kevin Duffy

Er, you made a joke and he responded with a joke?

fungun

If I understand your post correctly you texted a guy you fancied to say he could bring his GF for dinner next time. I do not understand in any way why you would do this

I would consider "Great" a fairly neutral response. It doesnt say he has or has not got a GF. He may feel embarrassed thinking you assumed he had a gf and didnt know how to say that he didnt. He may be thinking "WTF I thought she liked me, now it turns out she thinks I have a GF"

If I was him and I fancied you, I would be put off by that text cos it implies you thinking he has a gf and are not interested in him in that way.

IMO you have made things awkward for yourself here, so Id say you would be the one who has to take the next step cos he prob wont now.

375200272

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Er, you made a joke and he responded with a joke?

Hope so````
didn't even starte chase after him yet,
don't want to be so miserable```

He didn't say he had a girlfriend. You did.

If there's any ambiguity, clear it up by asking him. Simple as.

375200272

fungun wrote: »

If I understand your post correctly you texted a guy you fancied to say he could bring his GF for dinner next time. I do not understand in any way why you would do this

I would consider "Great" a fairly neutral response. It doesnt say he has or has not got a GF. He may feel embarrassed thinking you assumed he had a gf and didnt know how to say that he didnt. He may be thinking "WTF I thought she liked me, now it turns out she thinks I have a GF"

If I was him and I fancied you, I would be put off by that text cos it implies you thinking he has a gf and are not interested in him in that way.

IMO you have made things awkward for yourself here, so Id say you would be the one who has to take the next step cos he prob wont now.

The reasone I texted him about the GF thing```
I don't know how to asked him, "do u have a gf" or something like that,
even though my room mate is sure that he doesn't have one, i just want to make it clear.

If i asked him "do u have a gf" ,
i was thinking, this is too obvious that i like him,
i'm afraid i'll scare him away.

i know its awkward for both of us now,
what shall i do now``

LeixlipRed

A case of the over thinking things I'd say. Relax, it was probably a joke. Don't try so hard would be my advice

375200272

true-or-false wrote: »

He didn't say he had a girlfriend. You did.

If there's any ambiguity, clear it up by asking him. Simple as.

IMO, woman's brain``

if i like u, i'll tell u and let u know clearly i don't have a gf, so u can chase me if u like.

if i don't like u, i just say things like this, which means, don't chase after me, no hope.

fungun

thought your friend his roommate knew he didnt have a gf?
i can see how this sounded like a good idea at the time, but it really wasnt lol

think it just means its less likely he will do anything, so u might have to be a bit more forward than u might like

fungun

375200272 wrote: »

IMO, woman's brain``

if i like u, i'll tell u and let u know clearly i don't have a gf, so u can chase me if u like.

if i don't like u, i just say things like this, which means, don't chase after me, no hope.

if someone said to you 'bring your bf' and you didnt have one, how would you respond? Prob with a joke. And neutral. Exactly like he did. Especially if you feel slightly embarrassed or didnt know what to say

Kimia

375200272 wrote: »

IMO, woman's brain``

if i like u, i'll tell u and let u know clearly i don't have a gf, so u can chase me if u like.

if i don't like u, i just say things like this, which means, don't chase after me, no hope.

Head melted. Just ask him for the love of God.

375200272

fungun wrote: »

if someone said to you 'bring your bf' and you didnt have one, how would you respond? Prob with a joke. And neutral. Exactly like he did. Especially if you feel slightly embarrassed or didnt know what to say

i would say, i don't have one```

375200272

Kimia wrote: »

Head melted. Just ask him for the love of God.

For the love of God, i'm shy and don't have many love experience.
Going bananas``

Taltos

Kimia I feel your pain

OP - stop it right now. You are going to drive yourself crazy. At this stage the damage is done. As a bloke - if I had received that message from you I would have immediately thought "she is not interested" - I mean why else would you tell him to bring a significant other next time...

OK - so now to fix this.
Call him today or meet up with him - and ask him for a coffee... Simples.

No more overanalysing, no more what if's - just ask him for a coffee and have a chat. This is all presupposing that your mutual frend is certain he has no GF...

375200272

Taltos wrote: »

Kimia I feel your pain

OP - stop it right now. You are going to drive yourself crazy. At this stage the damage is done. As a bloke - if I had received that message from you I would have immediately thought "she is not interested" - I mean why else would you tell him to bring a significant other next time...

OK - so now to fix this.
Call him today or meet up with him - and ask him for a coffee... Simples.

No more overanalysing, no more what if's - just ask him for a coffee and have a chat. This is all presupposing that your mutual frend is certain he has no GF...

After his "great" short message, i didn't text anything back.
Actually, we are unfamiliar with each other. Just hang out once in the college trip (we are from different schools), and didn't talk too much.
So when he said "yea, i'll come to the dinner", i was surprised, i didn't expect that he would say yes since we only have one mutual frend.

Peanut2011

375200272 wrote: »

i would say, i don't have one```

Most people would not say that and therefore we all think his reply was generic. I would have probably reply "I might just do that" or "I'll try" or something like that even if I did not have one.

Sinfonia

Side note: Thread delivers teh lols

375200272 wrote: »

If i asked him "do u have a gf" ,
i was thinking, this is too obvious that i like him,
i'm afraid i'll scare him away.

I've seen this before, and I wish people would stop thinking this way.
It's a stupid defence mechanism that you feel gives you some excuse to be a coward about this.
If people don't make it obvious to each other that they like each other, nothing can happen.
And scare him away? People are rarely on the fence when it comes to attraction, especially men. He either likes you already or he doesn't.
Telling him that you like him is not going to scare him away, consider the situation:
- You tell him you like him.
- If he doesn't like you, he tells you, and that's that.

OR

- You tell him you like him.
- If he likes you, he tells you, and everyone is happy.

What kind of situation do you think is going to result in this:
- You tell him you like him.
- He, having been on the fence about you, finds your attraction to him overwhelming, and runs away.

Ridiculous!
Stop unnecessarily over-complicating people, grow a pair, and ask him out on a date or something. Make your intentions clear, it's not like you're proposing to him or asking him to have children with you.

tinkerbell

What is up with the pointless mind games with the guy? You're never gonna get anywhere in life if you just sit back and just expect things to fall on your lap. Just ask him out. And why you'd tell him to bring his gf next time is just baffling.

375200272

Sinfonia wrote: »

Side note: Thread delivers teh lols


I've seen this before, and I wish people would stop thinking this way.
It's a stupid defence mechanism that you feel gives you some excuse to be a coward about this.
If people don't make it obvious to each other that they like each other, nothing can happen.
And scare him away? People are rarely on the fence when it comes to attraction, especially men. He either likes you already or he doesn't.
Telling him that you like him is not going to scare him away, consider the situation:
- You tell him you like him.
- If he doesn't like you, he tells you, and that's that.

OR

- You tell him you like him.
- If he likes you, he tells you, and everyone is happy.

What kind of situation do you think is going to result in this:
- You tell him you like him.
- He, having been on the fence about you, finds your attraction to him overwhelming, and runs away.

Ridiculous!
Stop unnecessarily over-complicating people, grow a pair, and ask him out on a date or something. Make your intentions clear, it's not like you're proposing to him or asking him to have children with you.

so what shall i do now?
we just hang out once (with lots of other schoolmates),
and had dinner together once (with some roommates);
is it awkward to tell him that i like him?
i don't know if i have the courage to tell him face to face.

375200272

tinkerbell wrote: »

What is up with the pointless mind games with the guy? You're never gonna get anywhere in life if you just sit back and just expect things to fall on your lap. Just ask him out. And why you'd tell him to bring his gf next time is just baffling.

i don't know what i was thinking at that time.
i know i made thing much more complicated.
is there any remedies?

Taltos

375200272 wrote: »

i don't know what i was thinking at that time.
i know i made thing much more complicated.
is there any remedies?

Pick up phone
Dial number
Wait for answer
Say "Would you like to meet up for a coffee - just the two of us?"
Wait for answer

remember - keep it simple OP - the longer you wait the more inclined he will be to think you really don't like him and will move on.... Seize the day. - Do it now.

375200272

Taltos wrote: »

Pick up phone
Dial number
Wait for answer
Say "Would you like to meet up for a coffee - just the two of us?"
Wait for answer

remember - keep it simple OP - the longer you wait the more inclined he will be to think you really don't like him and will move on.... Seize the day. - Do it now.

what shall i say,
every time i saw him, i'm so nervous

pickarooney

Texting + non-native languge + not knowing a person very well = communication problem.

Try talking to the guy.

fungun

text him and say in fact next time you expect him to bring a gf. And if he doesnt, you will do the job.

375200272

pickarooney wrote: »

Texting + non-native languge + not knowing a person very well = communication problem.

Try talking to the guy.

i'm not irish,
may feel culture shock sometimes

LegacyUser

375200272 wrote: »

what shall i say,
every time i saw him, i'm so nervous

Say Hi X,
How are you, (wait for response) and then say glad your well, anyway I was just ringing to say I enjoyed dinner and was wondering if you wanted to do dinner again maybe just me and you or we could grab a coffee/drink sometime?

He'll say Yes or No,

If yes : say cool, fancy this Friday or Sat around 8?
If no : say ok no worries sure I'll probably see you at some other thing anyways seeya later bye

problem brought to a head - simples!!!!

If you're really really too nervous to ask him straight out to do something with you, organise another group night out. Make sure, whatever it is (dinner/pub/lunch) if it involves seating, sit right next to him, strike up a conversation.

You don't HAVE to look cool. Sometimes it works if you're just honest, say you don't know why you texted him about a girlfriend, and then enquire as to whether he actually has one. It doesn't have to seem like you're interested in him, but to be fair, it will probably make him more interested in you if he knows you're interested in him. Guys get nervous too. Say you were tired and made a mess of texting him, the two of you can laugh about it.

Actually, he'll probably feel really flattered that you cared so much!

375200272

true-or-false wrote: »

If you're really really too nervous to ask him straight out to do something with you, organise another group night out. Make sure, whatever it is (dinner/pub/lunch) if it involves seating, sit right next to him, strike up a conversation.

You don't HAVE to look cool. Sometimes it works if you're just honest, say you don't know why you texted him about a girlfriend, and then enquire as to whether he actually has one. It doesn't have to seem like you're interested in him, but to be fair, it will probably make him more interested in you if he knows you're interested in him. Guys get nervous too. Say you were tired and made a mess of texting him, the two of you can laugh about it.

Actually, he'll probably feel really flattered that you cared so much!

I decided to text him tonight since we live in diiferent cities,

Taltos wrote:

the longer you wait the more inclined he will be to think you really don't like him and will move on....

so I don't know if we could wait until another group night out.

can I say, "I feel awkward for what I texted u last night. Just don't know why I say things about ur gf. Sorry to baffle u. But, do u have a gf anyway? "

Feeling myself so naive about love. Really don't know what to do after the stupid text.

Taltos

Strongly suggest you do not use text, IM or any other means that involves you not having to talk to him.

Ideally face to face - but failing that just call the guy.
You never know until you try - he might say no - but chances are you stand a much better chance of him saying yes if you just talk to him.

Why not just go with the suggestions above. Thank him for his company the other night, ask him if he had a nice time and take it from them - key thing is to get in "how about the two of us meet up for a pizza / coffee / something in the next few days" - who knows - when you talk to him maybe he might ask first - but don't bet on it.

As a lead in to your question you can always say "sorry about my text about your GF hope that wasn't too forward of me" - but to be honest I would just go straight in - ask if he enjoyed himself and ask to meet up again...

Texts - are just TOO easy to mis-interpret or miss or delete or never get - do you really want to be waiting for a reply to a text that got lost without you knowing it...