Hurt by friend

LegacyUser

I have a friend of 35 years(known each other since we were 11) we are very close and confide in each other all the time. She is in UK and when I lived there she was in a very abusive relationship which I helped her extricate herself from, together with her three children.

She moved area, I moved country, we have seen each other sporadically but always maintained close contact. I flew out to her last year when her mother was dying, stayed with her and then left to go to my sister(100 miles away) the day before the mother died, and had to fly back to Ireland the day after that.

I had a flight booked for the funeral but didn't make it due to the volcanic ash cloud, flight was cancelled.

Fast forward to last week, I was visiting my sis,and friend asked her boyfriend to drive her down to me so we could all have dinner together - her son is getting married in July so excited and happy to see me, as I was to see her.I am going to wedding, at great expense to me I must admit,but I am sort of family!

Over dinner she made a comment that upset me so much I was unable to react, she said "If you were a REAL (emphasised) friend to me, you would have rushed back to me when my mother died" I must have looked aghast because she quickly said she was joking. Not funny to me.

I couldn't, simple as that. I am oscillating between being hurt and furious,and don't really want to speak to her at the moment. She is being very demanding re wedding, insisting I wear a hat etc, I know she is stressed but bloody hell. I'm not sure I even want to go to the sodding wedding if she feels like that.

Other people Ihave spoken to about this say I should let it go, and forgive because we have a very longstanding friendship, but I'm not sure.

foxinsox

Hi

I think I would be very hurt by what she said - joking or not..

I would just not contact her for a while, I bet she knows that was not a nice thing to say and it wouldn't suprise me if you get a text from her saying she is sorry.

Long friendships like that can change over the years as people get on with their lives, marriage, kids, moving country etc.

Similar incidents have happened to me in the past and it does shock you and make you think about the "friendship".

I'd say you will be ok but it might make you think about it a bit more in the future.

My advice is to defnitely just let her have some time to herself and if she does ask if anything is up - tell her how it made you feel. I'd say you will be fine by the time of the wedding, but defnitely leave her stew over it for a while by herself.

good luck and try not to dwell on it too much

claireeney

I totally agree with sunflower. Sometimes Friends comments upset me and I completely understand that they weren't meant the way I picked them up but I can't let it go and I just let it slip out sometimes. I think maybe she just felt she needed you there and when she thought of the funeral and felt the pang of pain and seen you there it just slipped out. I wouldn't take it to heart OP.

Taltos

A death of a family member hits us all different ways - but it does not give us carte blanche to call that friendship into question.

Would suggest you talk to her - let her know you can understand why she may feel let down but that you in turn felt hurt by that comment.
Problem here is though - and you touched on it - she is already stressed out by the wedding - it could be that anything you say now will be blown out of proportion.

Maybe chalk this one up - however if she starts going back to it again at a later date (wedding) nip it in the bud immediately. Not a fair reflection on your years of friendship at all...