My friend "ONLY wants sleepovers"

karaokeman · 17-04-2011 2:01pm #1

I was meant to go to see my friend this afternoon. I said yesterday I can only come for an afternoon because I booked easter study in school for next week and its a long journey from his house to my school every morning. In this sense its more convenient for me to just come for the afternoon.

He then called me this morning and said "I'm the type of person who only does sleepovers". I told him if thats the case it will need to be postponed until at least next saturday til the next sunday morning.

Thing is I used to stay at his house for afternoons but that was 4 years ago. Ever since our first sleepover, he's just wanted a sleepover every time and nothing else.

I've known him for 8 years so considering the whole thing about sleepovers and nothing else has been there for half of my time being friends with him I don't see why it can't be halfo halfo again.

To be honest I'm not really keen on sleepovers anymore. I've kinda grown out of them but I will still do it the odd time. I much prefer just seeing my friends for afternoons and it makes my busy life so much easier.

I don't want to look selfish by saying this but I told him as friends we should both benefit from the friendship. That means I do a sleepover the odd time and then have afternoons but he said he only wants a sleepover.

Any advice, sorry for the rant

DaveDaRave · 17-04-2011 2:18pm

I'm confused. He will only let you come over if you sleep there ?

karaokeman · 17-04-2011 2:19pm

DaveDaRave wrote: »

I'm confused. He will only let you come over if you sleep there ?

Pretty much, yeah.

Hank_Jones · 17-04-2011 2:35pm

Bit confused, how old are you?

Guessing around 16, but not sure.

karaokeman · 17-04-2011 2:43pm

Hank_Jones wrote: »

Bit confused, how old are you?

Guessing around 16, but not sure.

No I'm 19 and he's 21.

Roselm · 17-04-2011 2:52pm

Seems OTT at 21.
What's his personality like? Is he usually "controlling"?!
Is he like this with his other friends?

karaokeman · 17-04-2011 2:58pm

Roselm wrote: »

Seems OTT at 21.
What's his personality like? Is he usually "controlling"?!
Is he like this with his other friends?

He has some other friends but he's said many times none of them are as fun as me.
But generally speaking he is very friendly with most people. If you mean controlling, I would say he doesn't seem to know when something is too much.

He enjoys playing trading card games a lot. Last time he was at my house we were plying TCG's for a while and then I asked him would you like to go on the internet now, he said "no I'm ok". And everytime that happened in the past I would ask him and he would keep telling me he's ok and then asks if he can play another game of cards.

So yeah I feel that he likes to do things over and over, even when I think its warn out. And I really feel our sleepovers have warn out as I never seem to go to his house just for an afternoon anymore. This is weird for me because I can do it with all my other friends and they don't care.

up for anything · 17-04-2011 4:14pm

Trading card games??? You mean like Yu-gi-oh and those?

Fluorescence · 17-04-2011 4:17pm

I'll probably get slated on here for suggesting this but: do you think he might have a gay crush on you? It's awfully strange behaviour on his part to insist on sleepovers only at 21 years old, unless he's hoping some romantic stuff may surface during one.

karaokeman · 17-04-2011 4:42pm

Yes Yu-Gi-Oh cards, thanks for pointing it out. I actually used the term trading card games because I wasn't sure if anyone on this forum would remember them.

And no my friend isn't gay. He does have Aspergers Syndrome however, as do I. I only find it weird he is interested in nothing but sleepovers considering I went to his house for afternoons in the past and he was fine with it.

Fluorescence · 17-04-2011 4:48pm

Just tell him it doesn't suit you to sleep over all the time.

karaokeman · 17-04-2011 5:29pm

fluorescence wrote: »

Just tell him it doesn't suit you to sleep over all the time.

I did but he insisted, quote "I'm the type of person who only does sleepovers".

17-04-2011 5:35pm

You have your own life to consider in all this, you can't keep doing whatever he wants to do. He's getting what he wants, and if you keep letting him get his own way he'll keep expecting it. In fact if you're caving in on his pressure too easily, there's a good chance he doesn't even get that your feelings on this are strong. He's not going to consider your feelings until they actually matter to him. They wont matter until they're actually getting in the way of his plans. You're going to have to be assertive about this and tell him that you can't just do sleepovers. If you're busy and he wants a sleepover, tell him your busy. Make sure he knows that you appreciate him as a friend, but don't rework your life for him. It's not fair on you or him.

To clarify, don't just let him know how you feel, let him see the consequences of expecting too much of you, ie. if he only wants sleepovers then he's not going to see you very much.

Big Bag of Chips · 17-04-2011 5:48pm

It might sound a bit mean, but could you go under the pretense of staying and then "something came up" and you have to leave?

It might ease him in to the fact that you don't ALWAYS have to stay, and that sometimes it's not always possible to stay?

Could you do something like that, do you think?

MitchKoobski · 17-04-2011 6:03pm

You mentioned Asperger's, that changes things a bit. He'll stick with what he likes to do, and he wont mature socially as quickly as other people your age and his age. Trust me, my younger brother also has Aspergers, and he'll randomly decide something one day and stick to it. Everything he does make sense when you mentioned it.

You have it yourself, but it'll affect people differently. Sleepovers and trading card games could be two of his main safetys. My brother's two are running and videogames. Suggest anything else to him and he'll completely ignore it.

Trying to explain the situation doesn't work. Eventually he will change out of it and decide on something else, possibly even going back to afternoons.

karaokeman · 17-04-2011 6:33pm

true-or-false wrote: »

You have your own life to consider in all this, you can't keep doing whatever he wants to do. He's getting what he wants, and if you keep letting him get his own way he'll keep expecting it. In fact if you're caving in on his pressure too easily, there's a good chance he doesn't even get that your feelings on this are strong. He's not going to consider your feelings until they actually matter to him. They wont matter until they're actually getting in the way of his plans. You're going to have to be assertive about this and tell him that you can't just do sleepovers. If you're busy and he wants a sleepover, tell him your busy. Make sure he knows that you appreciate him as a friend, but don't rework your life for him. It's not fair on you or him.

To clarify, don't just let him know how you feel, let him see the consequences of expecting too much of you, ie. if he only wants sleepovers then he's not going to see you very much.

Exactly what I mean.
I've been good to him for a very long time now and I think its fair that I also have some say in how our friendship goes.
What I need to do is say that I appreciate his friendship. I'll keep telling him I can't "always" do sleepovers but sometimes, and that its not fair on either of us for us to do it all the time.

My friend "ONLY wants sleepovers"

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