confused about boyfriend cancelling

LegacyUser

I know this may sound like I am making a big deal out of this but within the past 2 weeks my new found boyfrind has cancelled our meetings three times. He says it is because he likes his space and with work and his children, whom he see's practically every other night that he can get stressed out and needs to relax instead of meeting up (he'll prob spend that night texting me tho!).

I have my own children and college committments so it is very hard to make the time to see each other, so when we do and I have a babysitter organised to do something with my new man and then he cancels I do get annoyed. I got very annoyed on thursday night with him as we had planned on going for a walk when he said that he wont be out until after 8 which would have been too late. He recons that as he did not cancel the whole evening, what is the big deal?!

Maybe he is just not used to relationships and the phase of getting used to someone may take him a while as he is so used to his own space. He says he wants to be with me in a fully committed relationship and that he is crazy about me but it just seems that his actions are not portraying this and they are conflicting and making me very confused about our future. We really do get along and enjoy our time together.

I feel like I am making alot of effort here and he is not. Should I talk to him and tell him how I feel, hopefully he will see this or will I bother!!!

Thanks

slowmoe

Yes you need to talk to him.

Just explain, CALMLY, what you have said here. That with both of you having children you need to organise your meetings and babysitters etc, and when he cancels it lets you (and presumably babysitters etc) down.

It shouldn't take a genius to see the hassle he is causing you. But be prepared to hear that he may not be into you enough to change. Things like i'll call you when i'm available or not seeing the problem would be big flags.

Good luck op

smileyscientist

Hi OP, If I have learned anything about other people its the measure of someone is not by what they'll say they'll do its by what they actually DO.

Your boyfriend may be saying he's committed and crazy about you but from what you've written in your post, this is certainly not the impression he's giving.

Maybe he thinks that's committment enough but you obviously do not so the next step is to talk about that discrepancy in the relationship. Then you''ll get your answer either way.

I understand your are both busy with your own personal commitments but your reltionshop should not bear the burden of this if ye are both committed to it.. I think open communication is key here OP.

Best of luck to ye both.

Miss Fluff

In total agreement with smileyscientist. More often than not actions speak louder than words. It's all very well him saying he's committed to you and is crazy about you but cancelling you and making it very clear that you're not top of his priority list isn't really acceptable. His words don't really mean anything if his actions are totally at odds with he wants you to believe. I think you need to have it with him asap.

Kevin Duffy

allovertheplace wrote: »

he can get stressed out and needs to relax instead of meeting up (he'll prob spend that night texting me tho!).

I find this strange. Everyone needs their own time and space and to do the things they want to do even if they're individual pursuits, of course they do, but personally, if I like someone, I don't find seeing them stressful and would relax by meeting them, not instead of.

I think the day a woman tells me she wants to relax instead of seeing me, I'll take the hint.